


Blind Journey

by siophiefandom



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F, paily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 08:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 67,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13430955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siophiefandom/pseuds/siophiefandom
Summary: Emily has had her fill of blind dates, but when the boss wants to set her up with her cute cousin, she can't really say no. Paige isn't a big fan of blind dates either, but she goes with the flow. There's no telling what will happen when they meet. Paily. Updated daily. Rated T for adult language and situations.Originally posted to fanfiction dot net, November 1-25, 2017





	1. Blind Date

Emily was fidgeting on her barstool, tapping her foot impatiently against the brass railing at the base of the massive mahogany bar, and rapidly sliding her phone back and forth across the top, where the wood was slightly worn from the many bottles and glasses that had slid across it over the years. She had a wrinkle in her forehead, running straight from her hairline to the space between her eyebrows, as she alternated between checking the front door and checking the time on her phone. It was a ritual that she had repeated seemingly a thousand times. She blew a puff of air upwards towards her long, dark hair and asked herself the million-dollar question yet another time:  _Where is she?_

She straightened a bit in her seat when a smartly dressed woman made her way into the room, peeking from side to side as if she were looking for someone. From the looks of her, the woman could've been her boss' cousin, minus the auburn hair, of course, but Emily reasoned that it might not be her natural color. Emily subconsciously arched forward on the stool. As much as she was annoyed by the tardiness of her date – and the fact that, while she waited, she had been forced to sit at the bar and fend off the advances of the kind of people who were there for only one reason – the anticipation of the moment took over. She had to admit that the woman was cute. Worth waiting for. This night, she thought, might not might not end up being such a disaster after all.

Emily smiled slightly when the woman, with a lost look, finally aimed her head in the direction of the bar. Emily was still leaning forward towards the door, and the woman, picking up on the cue, smiled tentatively and headed in Emily's direction. Emily was so eager to get the night started that she almost jumped off of her stool and onto her feet as she waited for her to get there, but she held herself back. No need to appear that desperate. In fact, she intentionally tried to make her expression seem somewhat annoyed, willing to use any trick she could to get the upper hand. After all, who wouldn't want the upper hand on a first date?

The woman, still looking lost – or perhaps it was overwhelmed – finally made her way over to the barstool next to Emily's. She took a breath and opened her mouth, as if she were about to say something by way of introduction, Or apology. Before she had the chance, though, Emily blurted out, "Jules?"

The woman's head snapped back slightly, as if in confusion.

"Are you meeting a blind date?" Emily prodded, leaning her head towards the woman.

"Uh… no; I…"

"Oh, God – I'm so sorry!" Emily managed a gentle laugh, touching the woman's shoulder. "I… uh…" Shaking her head and putting a hand up in surrender, she chuckled lightly again. "I thought you were my blind date." 'Hoped' was more like it, but she had already embarrassed herself enough. She inhaled deeply, tightening her lips. "I'm waiting for a blind date," she explained, as if that weren't obvious. "She's late," she added, still annoyed.

"Oh – wow… I…" Paige was stammering. "I'm sorry – I just thought you might like some company," she explained, dipping her head. "I'll leave you to it…"

"No,  _please!_ " Emily fastened both hands around the stranger's arm, not realizing what she had done until Paige looked down at her hands, puzzled. Emily let go slowly, smiling as she explained herself. "I would love some company, actually. I've been feeling like a fool, just sitting here waiting." Under her breath, she added, "Plus, she probably stood me up."

Paige nodded and, as if suddenly remembering her manners, thrust out her hand. "I'm Paige, by the way."

"Emily," Emily replied, giving Paige's hand one quick shake and hanging onto it as she gestured to the stool, inviting Paige to join her.

When the bartender placed a napkin in front of Paige, she ordered a gin and tonic and looked to Emily, prompting her with a raised eyebrow. Emily reached slightly behind her and produced her wine glass, raising it towards Paige to show that she had it covered.

Paige grinned nervously and twisted her hair a little. Emily smiled as she tried to think of an icebreaker. It was certainly awkward enough to be a first date.

Paige had gone past nervous and was rounding the corner on her way to panic. She wasn't sure why she lied when Emily asked whether she was on a blind date. That was exactly what she was there for, even though she had been able to tell at a glance that Emily wasn't the one she was meeting.

She realized that she had probably lied to make herself seem less pathetic; less the sad, single friend whom people were always trying to set up with someone. Anyone. Then again, Emily was on a blind date, so she must not've thought that people who went on blind dates were all that pathetic.

Paige opened her mouth, but no words came out. She knew that she should have said, "You know, I actually am here for a blind date; I don't know why I lied about it." But she worried that it would sound like patronizing lie; as if she was just pretending to be waiting for a blind date to make Emily feel better. Paige cleared her throat, to make it seem that that was the reason she had opened her mouth. And she silently prayed that her date wouldn't show up, or she would have to pretend that it was someone whom she knew all along – and hope that the stranger played along. She was subconsciously shaking her head slightly, in self-condemnation. Emily picked up on it, reading it as a reaction to the awkwardness of the night.

"I hate these things," Emily said, to try to break the tension.

"Yeah," Paige agreed, "Set-ups are the worst."

"Tell me about it!" Emily smiled, rolling her eyes. "Especially when your boss who has a cousin who's 'really cute, and just your type,' and you can't say no, and you just have to pray that things go well – not for the sake of your love-life's sake, but for the sake of your job!"

Paige's head tilted back in laughter. She hoped it came off as commiserating laughter, rather than the nervous laughter that it actually was. She didn't know why her eyes kept wandering to Emily's knee, which was peeking out underneath the hemline of her skirt, or the shoe that she was dangling from her foot as she crossed one long, dark leg over the other. Well, she  _did_  know why they kept wandering to those places, but she wasn't ready to admit it.

Over the course of a few minutes of small-talk with Paige, Emily let her blind-date guard down. She was focused on Paige,and had stopped paying attention to who was coming through the front door. She never noticed the woman heading in their direction, who had matched the picture on her phone with Emily's face. "Emily?" she said, placing her hand on Emily's forearm, to get her to look up. "Hi! I'm Julie! I'm so sorry I'm late," she pushed out in one high-pitched, enthusiastic breath. "Traffic was… a mess."

Advantage Jules. Emily, distracted, hadn't been able to get her game-face on in preparation for her blind date's arrival.

"Shall we, get a table?" Jules asked, gesturing in the direction of the seating in the dining room. Emily grabbed her clutch purse and her drink and followed Julie. It wasn't until they were halfway to a table that Emily realized that she had stranded Paige at the bar – Paige, who had come to her rescue earlier, back when she had been sitting by herself. She turned her head to give her a smile of apology, but Paige had turned her back to them, facing the bar. Emily, seeing Paige hunched over and looking at her phone, in do-not-disturb mode, felt overwhelmed with guilt. Before Paige came and sat with her, she had been doing the same thing; pretending to be busy with her phone, in hopes that it would deter the pick-up artists from coming over and hitting on her. It hadn't really worked. And, without really thinking, she had left Paige to the same fate. She knew the vultures would descend on her shortly, too. There wasn't anything she could've done about it; it wasn't as if she could've invited Paige along on her date. But, at least, she could've apologized. And thanked her for coming to sit with her. Emily made a plan to excuse herself, saying that she had to go to the ladies' room, as soon after they placed their orders as she could reasonably do so. But, when she set her menu down and looked over at the bar again, Paige was gone.

Emily began to question why Paige had come over in the first place. Maybe she really was just looking for someone to share a friendly drink with. If that were the case, Emily could understand why she left the bar after one drink. Emily, herself, would've left, rather than fend off unwanted advances, had she not been waiting for someone.

But Emily couldn't help wondering whether Paige had had other reasons for joining her at the bar. That would explain the slow, nervous way that Paige walked over to her at first, and the way that her eyes seemed to keep wandering up to Emily's top – and down to her legs. But, if that were the case, why would Paige have left so abruptly? If she had come to the bar hoping to meet someone, wouldn't she have stuck around longer? After all, a fisher doesn't give up after the first fish wriggles off the hook.

Emily was, unfortunately, devoting too much thought to Paige and not enough to her date. Jules noticed; there was no way that she couldn't have. She didn't know what was on Emily's mind, of course, but she knew that Emily was somewhere else. She put it down to the fact that she had been so late, and she apologized profusely, and repeatedly. Emily kept insisting that it was no big deal, but her actions weren't lining up with her words. And Julie wasn't sure that she wanted a relationship with someone petty enough to hold tardiness against her for the entire evening – or someone passive-aggressive enough to deny that she was doing that. Emily was beautiful, and she seemed to have a lot going for her, but Jules would have to tell her cousin that there was no chemistry between them.

There were no illusions at the end of the meal, which Jules ended up paying for. It was the least she could do, she insisted, for making Emily wait so long. After a quick, friendly hug on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, they headed to their cars.

* * *

"Amber, my love!"

There was a low, grumbling sigh on the other end of the line. Emily checked the display on her phone.  _Damn it!_  "Gretchen! Gretchen, of course!" Emily laughed lightly. "Sorry, I… uh… I was on so many calls at work today, I… uh…got you mixed up with one of my best clients."

Gretchen laughed sardonically. "Well, I guess it's true what they say," she said mockingly. "You guys really love your clients!"

Emily cleared her throat nervously. She had been busted, but she wasn't ready to give up yet. "So, what's going on,  _Gretchen_?" She felt compelled to reinforce her knowledge of Gretchen's name.

"Oh, you know," Gretchen said, still annoyed. "Same old same old. How about you? Let me guess – blind date didn't go quite as well as you hoped?"

Emily mentally chastised herself again. She knew that she should've pulled over before she called, so that the sounds of traffic on I-95 wouldn't make it so obvious that she was driving back from the city. "It was fun," Emily said, her voice pitching higher at the end of the statement. "But on the way home, I started thinking, 'I wonder what Gretchy's been up to lately,' and, since the night's still young, I figured I'd give you a holler."

"Uh huh," Gretchen said, rolling her eyes so severely that it was practically audible. "And how many other girls did you call before you started thinking about good old Gretchy?"

"Gretchen…" Emily clicked her tongue. "You're not going to be like that, are you?"

Gretchen let out groan of frustration. No, she wasn't going to be like that. If she played it too hard, Emily would just move down to the next name on her list. But she didn't want to be too easy. If she seemed desperate, Emily might drop her from the list altogether.

"What did you have in mind?" she sighed.

"Drinks?" Emily asked hopefully. "I know this cute little bar in one of those row-house restaurants in South Philly. I could swing by your place in twenty minutes; have you back in Rosewood in time for midnight mass?"

"Fine," Gretchen said resignedly. "I'll be ready."

In some ways, it was a dick move to go back to the same place where she'd had dinner and drinks with Jules less than half an hour earlier. But it was a nice place, Emily told herself, and Gretchen deserved that much for being willing to go out on short notice. Ideally, Emily would have left herself some extra time, so that she could go home and change her top and her hair. She wouldn't want anyone in the bar to recognize her, out with a second girl on the same night. She didn't have time to do that, though. She needed to get back there quickly. If Paige hadn't left earlier, as Emily had thought, she might still have time to catch her.

Emily took a quick scan of the restaurant, but Paige was nowhere to be seen. She looked a couple times more from her seat at the bar, in case Paige had just been in the bathroom, before concluding that she had missed her. Things could've been worse, though. She was there with Gretchen, and Gretchen was always up for a throw-down. Emily was her charming self over the space of a couple of drinks, getting Gretchen back to Rosewood before midnight – but not for Mass.

* * *

Emily was still haunted by her encounter with Paige. She wanted to know what Paige's deal was; what made her tick. They hadn't spent much time with each other, but there was something about the woman that intrigued her.

She did the stupidest thing: She got onto facebook and searched for the name Paige. Even stupider, she thought, because she hadn't even gotten Paige's last name. But Paige wasn't that common a name, she figured. How many Paiges could there be in the Philadelphia metropolitan area?

Quite a few, as it turned out. Then again, Emily didn't even know for sure that Paige was from the area. Maybe she was in Philadelphia on business, or visiting an old friend, or on vacation. But Emily didn't have a better strategy, so she kept scrolling through the list. None of the profile pictures looked like Paige. Some of them were just pictures of kids, or boyfriends/husbands.  _Boyfriends._  Emily didn't even know whether Paige was single. Or gay. There were a few Paiges who had pictures of cats for their profile pictures. Emily took a closer look through those, but couldn't find anything definitive.

* * *

Paige's blind date with hadn't gone much better than Emily's, but she couldn't put the blame on Emily. She'd gone in with low expectations, having had enough experience with blind dates to know better than to get her hopes up. The evening, in Paige's assessment, wasn't horrible, but it was far from great. Apparently, her date thought much more of the evening than she did, though, and Paige was surprised by the call, the following day, asking her out for a second date. She said yes, partly out of hope, and partly out of desperation; hope that the second date would be better, and desperation that convinced her that even a bad date is worse than ending up alone.

Like Emily, Paige found herself thinking back to their brief, chance encounter in the bar. She wondered how different things would have been had she said yes, when Emily asked whether she was Jules - then whisked Emily out of the restaurant, before either of their real dates arrived, swept her off her feet, and finally, at the end of a perfect evening, confessed that she wasn't, in fact, Jules after all, daring Emily to pretend she wasn't pleased. It would've made for a great "How I met your mother" story. Emily seemed like the kind of person who would be up for that kind of adventure. Emily may have, but Paige knew that she, herself, never would. She could never have been that brave. She chuckled sadly to herself. If she had even one brave bone in her body, she would've turned down the invitation for a second date.


	2. Museum Gig

A week after Emily's date with Jules, she found herself back in the same bar; back on the same barstool. She knew that the chances against lightning striking twice in the same place were astronomical, but they were the only chances she had.

She struck up a friendly conversation with the bartender, getting to know him so well over the course of a couple of glasses of wine that it didn't seem suspicious when she asked whether he remembered the girl, Paige, who had sat with her briefly, a week earlier. "The Gin and Tonic," she prompted, thinking perhaps her drink would jar his memory, as if he could forget her gorgeous looks but not what she drank. But he didn't remember her.

"We get a lot of good-looking women here on a Friday night," he explained, with a non-flirtatious wink. That answer, though disappointing, at least told Emily that she didn't need to waste her time coming back to the bar every Friday to look for Paige. She obviously wasn't a regular there.

So, after a frustrating and, ultimately, fruitless night, Emily ended up looking through her list of prospects and making some phone calls on the drive back to Rosewood, trying her best to let Paige go from her thoughts. Paige was nothing but a fantasy, after all. There was nothing to say that a date with Paige would've gone any better than her date with Jules, and Emily knew that any thoughts otherwise were just idle romanticizing. It's easy to imagine the person you're attracted to as being fun, flirty, and sexy. Emily realized that, as much as she had built up Paige in her thoughts, she was bound to be let down if they actually did meet again and they ended up going out.

So, Emily spent her weekends filling in the blanks, calling up girls who were up for a couple of drinks and maybe something more. But no more blind dates. Emily put her dreams of romance on the shelf. If fate was going to send Paige – or someone like her – Emily's way, she would just have to wait for that to happen. There was no way to force it.

* * *

"Emily?" Emily turned her head in the direction of the hand that was on her shoulder and saw Paige's smiling face behind her. "I thought that was you!"

"Paige!" Emily set down the paper plate that she had been loading up with hors d'œuvres and turned her body fully towards Paige, accepting the hug that she was being offered. She was a little embarrassed at the way that she had immediately blurted out Paige's name, thinking that it would've made her seem much cooler had she pretended that she'd had to think it over for a second or two to come up with it. But Paige had caught her off-guard, and she reacted without thinking. It didn't matter, she assured herself; Paige had no way of knowing how many hours she'd wasted thinking about her in the couple of months since their lone, random encounter at the bar.

_The bar._

"Paige," Emily gushed plaintively, letting her hand rest on Paige's wrist, "I'm  _so_  sorry for stranding you that night we met at the bar!"

Paige scoffed, waving it off as nothing. "Oh, please..."

Paige had been disappointed, of course, when it happened. But she decided that she couldn't blame Emily. Of course, Emily would choose a date over just some girl at the bar who joined her to be friendly. Paige was pretty sure that, in those circumstances, she would've stranded herself at the bar, too.

"No, really," Emily persisted, "I can't believe I did that. It was thoughtless, and rude. I was just so nervous about the night that I wasn't thinking clearly. You know," Emily shrugged, " - first date... blind date."

"Emily," Paige said, with a slight, nervous tremble in her voice. "It's fine, really." Emily was giving her a skeptical look that would've melted even the hardest heart. Paige swallowed the lump in her throat. She wanted to say something to change the subject, but her brain wasn't cooperating. Emily had all of its circuits misfiring. She almost asked how the date had gone, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to know. There was really only one way it could have gone, the way she saw it. After all, who wouldn't have a great time on a date with a woman like Emily? Anyway, Paige had a feeling that she'd find out how it had gone sooner or later, when Jules showed up with drinks to go with the plate that Emily had been preparing when Paige greeted her. It certainly looked like enough food for two people.

Emily cleared her throat and tried to calm her nervous energy. She was studying Paige's face and her body language, trying to determine whether Paige was just as nervous. Meanwhile, the silence was becoming unbearable. She started to panic when she saw Paige rock back on her heels, thinking that Paige was going to make a run for it. She didn't know when she'd get to see her again, and she still hadn't found out her last name.

Paige took a quick glance down at the table, and Emily followed her gaze - right to the plate of food that Emily had loaded.  _Shit!_ Emily could only imagine what Paige must've thought of her, piling up a plate full of free food like some hobo crashing a wedding.  _Say something,_ her brain begged her. "Are you one of the patrons?" she asked nervously. It was the kind of question people asked at these things.

Paige laughed good-naturedly, as if it was obvious from the way she was dressed that she wasn't the class of the people whom the museum wined and dined in a bid for a generous donation. "I'm actually here with a…" Paige paused ever so slightly and rephrased what she was about to say. "As a guest," she finished. Emily nodded, somewhat relieved at the way that Paige laughed at the question. "How about you?" Paige asked, looking up and down the full-length, midnight-blue ball gown that was hanging perfectly from Emily's shoulders, married to every one of the curves on the way down to her matching heels. She definitely looked like the kind of person who belonged at the event.

"I'm actually… the entertainment," Emily replied, gesturing towards a small stage where a trio of men were setting up their instruments. "I don't usually eat before I go on," she explained, still feeling the need to justify the plate of food. "I just wanted to stash something away before the whole table gets picked over." Emily wished she could just stop talking. She wasn't making things any better.

"So, you're the vocalist?" Emily nodded. Before Paige could follow up, she caught Emily's eyes shifting away from her and turned her head to see what Emily was looking at - a man in a tuxedo, who was approaching them with a drink in each hand. Paige took one of the drinks from him with a grateful smile. "Sean Ackard," she said, turning her head back towards Emily, "This is Emily."

"Fields," Emily stuttered, a bit stunned by what seemed to be going on. She recovered in time to extend her hand politely, repeating, "Emily Fields."

Sean shifted the other drink from his right hand to his left so that he could shake hands. "I'm sorry," he said, raising the glass of champagne. "Why don't you take this one?" Emily waved it off. "Are you sure? I can go back and grab another one before the line gets too long."

"Thanks," Emily said, letting go of his hand, "but I think they're ready for me to do a mike check." She smiled at Paige. "Great to see you again." Nodding at Sean, she added, "Nice to meet you."

As she started to make her retreat toward the stage, Paige stopped her, offering another hug. "Break a leg. Do they say that to musicians, too?"

Emily shrugged. "Something like that!"

"Oh - and don't forget your..." Paige picked up Emily's food and handed it to her.

"Right," Emily said, trying to hide her humiliation behind a smile. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so small.

* * *

Paige was semi-checked out of whatever anecdote Sean was telling her, about whatever cute or funny experience he had had at the bar when he went for the drinks. Instead of paying attention to him, she was following Emily with her eyes. She shot a courtesy glance Sean's way, to keep appearances up, getting her eyes back to the stage area just in time to see some woman, slightly older than them, early thirties, maybe, writing what Paige guessed was her phone number on Emily's palm. The woman gushed playfully as she closed Emily's hand over the number and gave Emily a quick hug. Emily looked up from the hug and, seeing Paige watching, gave her an embarrassed smile. Paige snickered at the interchange. The snicker was conveniently timed, as Sean had just gotten to the punchline of his anecdote.

The gala was a pretty exclusive affair, and the women there weren't really the kind one would expect to see giving out their numbers to band members. Paige imagined that, if Emily's band performed in clubs, both of her palms – and at least one wrist, most likely – would be full of numbers by the end of the show.

Emily, for her part, did her best to put her second, disastrous encounter with Paige behind her. Her hopes had been raised at first, when it seemed that fate had put them together again, but, apparently, fate just wanted to clue Emily in on the fact that Paige swam for the other team. That knowledge actually came as somewhat of a relief. Emily hoped that it would make it easier to get Paige out of her thoughts.

She couldn't spend too much time thinking about that, though. It was time to get up on stage and lose herself in the music.

* * *

Paige was enraptured by the sound of Emily's deep, whispery voice as she crooned out slow, breathy, jazz-infused tunes. She found herself much more interested in the music than the conversation that was going on around the table. Sean picked up on how much she was enjoying the music and stood, offering Paige his hand. He led her out to the parquet squares that had been set up as a dance floor, assuming that she wanted to dance.

The music was slow and romantic, and Paige danced close to Sean, using the opportunity to stare, over his shoulder, at Emily on the stage. Her dress was shimmering in the spotlight, and, during the instrumental bridges between her vocals, Emily was shimmying slightly, in time with the music.

But it wasn't just Emily's beauty that captivated Paige. Indeed, she wasn't even ready to admit to herself that Emily's beauty was what entranced her. She was staring because of how thoroughly content and in-the-moment Emily seemed to be. Paige took note of each one of Emily's moves; the way she raised her arm, clenching her fingers into a fist to signal the musicians to end the song on the same beat, the way she shifted her head from time to time, to move her long, dark hair away from her face as she began a phrase, the way she turned towards the band and gave three snaps of her finger to set the time when they began a new song, the way her fingers gently held onto the mike stand as her lips moved closer to and farther away from the microphone, in accordance with the phrasing of her vocals. Emily appeared to be exactly where she wanted to be in life, comfortable with all of her decisions. She was doing what she loved, not simply working a job she hated to earn a living. Paige wasn't sure whether or not Emily had a "real" job in addition to her work with the band, and she was certain that there was a downside to music as a career – the late nights; hauling equipment back and forth; long rides in a bus. But, up there on that stage, Emily looked completely content; completely liberated, living a life without compromise. It was a feeling that Paige could only imagine.

Paige knew a lot about compromise. And self-deception. That was how she had ended up at the museum gala with Sean in the first place. Her well-meaning friends were always happy to set her up with a new guy, convinced that just the right man for her was out there somewhere. It was as if she had told her friends that she didn't like steak, and they set out on a mission to convince her that, if she just tried the right cut of meat, with the right seasoning and the right preparation, she would find that she loved it. So, Paige was left choking down an awful lot of food that she really couldn't stand before she finally had to admit to herself that it wasn't the steak that was the problem.

She was the problem.

But the answer that she just wasn't into men wasn't acceptable, so Paige had no alternative but to keep trying. "He's a great guy," her friends said of Sean, when they learned that he wanted to see her again. "You just need to give him a chance."

As Paige kept staring at Emily on the stage, she realized something: That was what she wanted. Not Emily specifically, but what Emily had – the undimmed contentment of living her life the way she wanted to. The way she was meant to.

Paige could feel her heart pounding harder and harder as she continued to fixate on Emily. She was certain that Sean could feel it too, since they were dancing so close. To him, it had to have felt like winning; that he was making Paige's heart flutter with all of his masculine charms. It was certainly enough to earn her an invitation for a third date. Paige sighed inaudibly at the cycle that she'd gotten caught up in.

* * *

Paige had been so intently focused on Emily that she didn't notice that Sean had moved his hand from her back to tuck her head down onto his shoulder. As soon as she realized what he was doing, she jerked her head up from there, smiling briefly at him before she turned to make sure that Emily hadn't seen the gesture. It was stupid, she knew. Emily wasn't eyeing her as compulsively as she had been eyeing Emily. And, besides, there was no hiding the fact that Sean was her date. Still, Paige thought that she saw the slightest smirk and an almost imperceptibly brief eye-roll cross Emily's face. She had to have been imagining it.

Emily had, in fact, noticed Paige and Sean on the dance floor. It would've been hard for her not to. The gathering wasn't very large, and the space that the museum had rented at Philadelphia's 30th Street Station was rather intimate. Paige and Sean stood out even more, because they seemed to be the only ones there, other than the band, who were under 30.

Paige was dressed tastefully enough for the occasion, all in black, from her long slacks to the spaghetti-strapped top she'd paired it with. Still, something about her seemed just a bit out of place. Emily couldn't help wondering whether Paige was a paid escort. She didn't really have any evidence of that, except for the almost apologetic air engulfing Paige when Sean showed up. And the fact that Paige had come to that bar all alone, not meeting a date. That line of reasoning started to seem less far-fetched as Emily thought more about it. It almost seemed that Paige felt guilty for trying to pass herself off as straight in front of someone who, she knew, was gay. The evening seemed like the kind of thing that Paige was forcing herself to get through – like a child, gulping down her vegetables because she couldn't have dessert if she didn't finish them. Maybe she was being paid to be there. Whatever it was, Paige seemed to have settled; decided to take the bargain of stability and security instead of living life. Or maybe, once again, it was all in Emily's head, and she was letting her wishes that Paige was gay shape her perception, without any rationale or evidence. Paige may have been as uncomfortable and unhappy as she looked with Sean, but that didn't mean that she was only pretending to be into men. Plenty of straight people make the same kind of compromises. Emily rolled her eyes at her own foolishness.

Emily, oddly, found herself somewhat envious of what Paige had: Someone she could take to events like that, not someone she had to kick out of bed in the morning. She wasn't really sure how "the lifestyle" (as her bandmates had begun to call it) had overtaken her. She was never that type before, hopping from bed to bed to bed. There was no doubt when it had started, though. It was shortly after the band started to get some regular gigs in Rosewood and the surrounding area. The most surprising thing was that they were far from famous. Emily knew about that big-name bands had their groupies, but she didn't expect a moderately successful group like hers – whose members still had to keep their day jobs to make ends meet – to have women throwing themselves at them. Nothing in her life, to that point, had prepared her for that kind of attention, and she just sort of got caught up in it. It's easy to get taken in by someone who's absolutely in awe of you, who knows all of your songs by heart, and who wants nothing more than to be able to say that she spent the night with you. And, once Emily started down that trail, it became addictive. Like most addictions, it wasn't so much the pleasure that she gained as the need for something to distract her from what was really missing in her life: Someone who loved  _her_ , Emily, the person, not Emily Fields, the pop star.

* * *

When the band switched to a more up-tempo song, Sean released the arm that had been behind Paige's back, retaining his grip on her hand as he led them back to their table. Paige was on her best behavior for the rest of the night, remaining engaged in the conversation, and only stealing occasional glances at Emily on the stage. She had hoped to be able to say good-night before Emily left, but it didn't work out that way. The band started packing up when the main program - the recognition of the donors - began, and it would have been rude for her to leave the table. Paige didn't realize it, but it was remarkably similar to what Emily had felt that night at the bar, when, before she had a chance to get up from the table and apologize, Paige had disappeared.


	3. On the Trail

It was late by the time Emily made it back to Rosewood. She wanted nothing more than to get out of her clothes and make-up and crawl into a nice, warm bed – alone. Emily did have rules, and the most important was no hook-ups after a gig. You don't take home someone you just met. Make her wait, and appreciate.

When Emily finally got into bed and pulled out her phone to set an alarm for Sunday morning, she realized why her phone had been quiet all evening – she had forgotten to turn it back on after the museum. Once she did, she was bombarded with notifications. A notification from facebook caught her eye: The page she had set up for the band had a new follower: Paige McCullers.

Emily, suddenly wide awake, pulled her laptop from the chair next to her bed and huddled over it, sitting on her knees on top of the bedspread. She fired of a message to Paige McCullers: "Nice to find a fan of good music! :)"

Paige had been hoping that Emily would contact her. That would have made the stalking that she had spent the last half-hour doing seem somewhat less creepy. Paige had tooled through the band's pictures, the pictures on Emily's personal account, and the pictures from the Instagram that was linked to Emily's personal facebook account. She discovered that they had a couple of things in common. They had both been athletes in college, though Paige had switched from swimming to field hockey after high school. They were both their parents' only children, and both lived in small towns in the Philadelphia suburbs.

"You guys were great tonight!" Paige messaged back to Emily, with a thumbs up. The ice having been broken, she quickly followed Emily on Instagram, and Emily followed her back.

Soon, Paige got another message from Emily. "Your boyfriend didn't seem so enthusiastic."

"Who?"

Emily responded with a wink emoji. It was obvious whom she was talking about, and it was a little late on a Saturday night to be playing games.

"Sean?" Paige had to bring up his name, because Emily wasn't going to. And, if she kept pretending that she didn't know whom Emily was talking about, then she couldn't deny what Emily was saying. "He's NOT my boyfriend."

Emily messaged back a laughing face. "Does he know that?"

* * *

Over the course of a week or so, Paige and Emily became good friends over facebook, and eventually decided to meet in person, heading back to the same bar where it had all started for them. By then, Emily knew the whole story – that Paige actually  _had_  been waiting for a blind date – Sean – that first time, and that the two of them had ended up going on a couple more dates, most notably, on the night they met at the museum's gala. And Emily also knew that Paige was unsatisfied with the relationship, and trying not to let things get too serious. Emily wasn't sure how she felt about that. Paige, Emily noted, had a problem with the truth. First, she had lied to Emily about the blind date; then, about whether she was dating him; and, finally, she seemed to be lying to Sean about how close they were. Or maybe she was still lying to Emily, downplaying how strong their relationship was. But Paige was a good friend, and Emily was in need of one. The old gang from high school wasn't around anymore. Hanna was in New York, chasing a career in the fashion industry, and Aria was in Paris, chasing l'amour. Spencer was still in Rosewood, but her law career took up most of her time. It would only be a matter of time before she and Toby gave in and moved to Philadelphia. They kept in touch as best as they could; mainly through Toby, who did some stage work for the band.

So, Emily was glad to have found a kindred spirit in Paige. Since, as former athletes, they both liked to keep active, they began meeting on Saturday to bike across some of the trails in Rosewood or Paige's hometown, Scranton. The trails were often too narrow for them to ride side by side, and Paige usually deferred to Emily, dropping back to let Emily go first. Riding behind her, Paige found herself almost hypnotized by the steady pumping of her thighs, glistening in the summer heat, up and down, up and down, as she occasionally lifted up out of the saddle to pump the pedals more forcefully. Beads of perspiration formed on Paige's forehead as she took in the spectacle of Emily's bronzed, toned, athletic body, quickly dipping her head whenever Emily looked back to check that she was okay.

One Saturday morning, alone on the trail at the end of a particularly challenging ride, Paige was hunched over with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath, when she felt Emily's hand on her shoulder. She looked up and her body tensed at the sight of Emily's face leaning in towards hers. There had undoubtedly been a connection forming between them, but nothing had prepared Paige for this moment. Could Emily have caught her ogling her on one of their previous rides? Was that why she risked taking such a bold step?

"Emily," Paige said softly. In the split second before Paige had to respond to Emily's overture, she noticed that Emily was leaning forward on one leg, balancing herself against Paige as her other hand tugged at her shoe, stretching out her thigh.

_Of course!_

Paige had stretched with her exercise partners on countless occasions before. She knew better than to think that there was anything behind Emily's move. Still, it was a defining moment for her. In that split second, she had been forced to think about what she would do and what she would have wanted, had Emily actually made a move on her.

It took a long time for Paige to get her breathing under control. Fortunately, it had been a challenging ride, and she had already been sucking air; otherwise, it would have been hard for her to explain her gasping breaths and trembling hands. She quickly pulled the ponytail out of her hair, and used her hair to cover her ears, which were turnign bright red and felt as if they were on fire.

But Paige wasn't the only one who embarrassed herself on their rides. On another morning, as they were getting ready to start on a trail, Paige noticed that Emily had stopped stretching and had started staring across the way. Paige followed Emily's gaze over to a redhead who was stretching against a tree, about a stone's throw away from them. The woman had an amazing body, and she was dressed to show it off. On top, she had on a flimsy white t-shirt with the arms cut out, providing a window for the baby blue sports bra that she was filling almost to the point of overflowing. As she stretched, the shirt rode up, teasing a glimpse of her long, narrow navel and the six-pack that surrounded it. She had on black Lycra shorts that went down to mid-thigh, fitting like a second skin against her quads. Not to mention her glutes. Her legs were long, lean, and perfectly tanned. She must've been a good two inches taller than Emily, and built for speed. Or built for sex. It didn't matter which. She undoubtedly excelled at both.

Emily, sensing that she had been staring too blatantly, sheepishly turned towards Paige, hoping to find that, somehow, Paige hadn't noticed. She saw Paige shaking her head.

"Okay," Paige said wryly, as if she had just made a discovery.

"What?" Emily was desperately playing innocent, even though she knew that there was no way her leering looks had gone unnoticed.

"Nothing," Paige said. "I just didn't think of you as a summer."

"A summer?"

"Mm hmm."

"Okay, Paige, if you're going to make fun of me, you at least have to let me know what you're making fun of me about!"

"Well, you know how they say guys like summer and girls like winter?" Paige began, adding, "Guys like summer, because we "gals" don't wear a lot of clothes… And everything's out there for everyone to see. Whereas, girls, we're more into autumn, because it's not about checking out some hot bod, it's more about, you know, a warm comfortable sweater, and how soft it'll feel when you're snuggling in front of the fireplace, and maybe the faint scent of after shave – or of perfume, no judgment – lingering in the wool…."

Emily was no longer just embarrassed. She was full-on ashamed. She wasn't so shallow as to be interested only in a woman's body. She liked to think about that autumn crap, too. But when she saw someone a body like that redhead's, she couldn't help that her eyes lingered. It was frustrating to know that Paige would forever think of her as a summer.

"I wasn't checking out her body. I'm…" Emily paused as she tried to come up with a plausible excuse. "…. always looking at how people stretch. You know, are they doing it properly? Is there some new stretch I learn from them? And, I mean, she obviously knows what she's doing… I mean – she must have a great trainer!"

"Yeah – whatever that boob-workout is that she's doing is definitely working for her!"

Emily shoved Paige, knocking her into her bike. "Yeah, whatever, Paige!" She gave Paige a hand up, helping her pick up her bicycle as well. "I  _wasn't_  checking her out," she reiterated, under her breath.

Had Emily not been so embarrassed at being caught staring at the tall redhead, she might have pointed out that Paige was obviously a summer, judging from the way that her eyes always seemed to stray to the various features of Emily's anatomy. Then again, it was probably for the best that she didn't say anything. Paige wasn't ready to confront her physical attraction to a woman. It would only have freaked her out to know that Emily had noticed her wandering eyes.

* * *

Occasionally, they broke up their workouts by mixing in some jogging instead of riding, and they chose running more often as the weather grew cooler. On one of their runs, on a crisp autumn morning, Emily twirled around to see why Paige had pulled up, only to see her cringing, grabbing the back of her leg. The cooler temperature and the fact that Paige hadn't stretched adequately had combined to give her a sharp, painful cramp in her thigh.

"Ooh," Emily moaned sympathetically. "Cramp?"

Paige nodded and Emily helped her slide down into a sitting position, elevating her leg. "Never fear," Emily said, cracking her knuckles. "I know just what to do. Trust me: I've got the magic fingers!"

Paige chuckled nervously. "Oh, okay," she stammered, scrunching her face skeptically as she looked at Emily. "I guess this doesn't have to be weird!"

Emily backed off, slightly offended. "Why would it be weird?"

"Oh, God, no!" Paige said apologetically. "Not weird, no." She chuckled apologetically. "No, it's  _doesn't_  have to be weird, I mean." Nodding her head weakly, she concluded, "It's not weird!"

"What, you're a jock – you've never had someone work out a cramp in your thigh before?"

Paige scoffed dismissively. "Of course I have!"

"Oh, I see." Emily fully backed her hands away from Paige and slapped them against her own knees. "Just never by a gay girl."

"Emily," Paige pleaded, "that's not what I meant. It's just… a little familiar, you know? I mean, even if you were a guy… or… if you were into guys… or, I mean… I don't know what I mean… I just… I didn't mean  _anything_  by it." Paige took Emily's hand and gave it a squeeze it, looking her full in the eyes.

"It's fine," Emily said, but it wasn't. It had brought a whole host of bad memories from high school flooding back, from the days when she constantly had to be aware of where she laid her hands – or her eyes – when she was around her teammates. Fortunately, she hadn't had to deal with that in college, and, in the few years since college, she had all but forgotten what it felt like.

"I'm just saying, Emily," Paige continued, "we're friends; close friends, and it's always kind of weird when that friendship crosses over to another level, you know? Like, the first time you see your friend hungover and puking, or you're in the bathroom and she reaches under the stall to borrow a tampon, or… I don't know…" Paige's entire face was scrunched up, begging for forgiveness.

"Yeah," Emily said, nodding her head. "I get it." And, on a certain level, she did. She understood that it wasn't Emily's gayness that Paige found threatening, but her own.

* * *

As fall gave way to winter, and the weather called for clothes too bulky for biking, Paige and Emily began walking the trails instead. It was nice; relaxing; unlike the biking and running, which inevitably became a competition by the end of the trail. When they were walking, they took their time and enjoyed the nature all around them. And enjoyed each other's company. It gave them even more time to talk.

Mainly, they talked about Emily and the women she'd spent the weekend with. Paige was never really a fan of hearing Emily talk about her love life, but she played along. She didn't want to appear homophobic, but she couldn't deny that hearing all of Emily's stories really bothered her. She wasn't sure why. After all, most of her friends talked to her about their dates – male and female (and, in some cases, both) – and it had never been a problem for her before. It was different with Emily. With most of Paige's friends, the conversation was about their quest for love, and how they felt they'd never find it, and reassuring each other that there was someone out there for them. With Emily, it was more like a game; which buddy – or buddies – she'd connected with and what they'd done; who had been promoted to the big leagues or demoted to the "do not call list." Paige had assumed that Emily had been looking for romance that night when they met before their blind dates. She wasn't sure how to handle someone who viewed love in terms of  _making_  love, rather than being in love. It made her very uncomfortable. But there was no denying that Emily was a good friend, so Paige listened and pretended to enjoy it.

Things were different with Emily than with Paige's other girlfriends. It wasn't just Emily's attitude towards love. It was the way that Emily was in general; the way she connected with people. One example was holding hands. Somewhere along the line, they started holding hands as they walked the trails. Paige didn't even remember how it had started – it might have been a way to protect each other against tripping on the steep, rocky trails, or a friendly gesture after sharing an anecdote that just kept going. Or maybe Emily just felt like holding hands with her friends. Paige certainly wasn't bothered by it – and after the incident when Emily volunteered to massage Paige's leg cramp, she definitely wasn't going to make a big deal out of it.

But Paige didn't know what the hand-holding meant to Emily. Or whether it meant anything at all. She knew that girl-friends, not just  _girlfriends_ , held hands sometimes. And it never seemed flirty or inappropriate, when Emily did it. Paige had never discussed with Emily the fact that she had been having gay-thoughts, and Emily didn't seem to be intent on getting her to change teams. It just felt friendly and natural and very – _Emily_ , to Paige. Emily was the kind of person who lived in the moment and didn't care what anybody else thought. That was one of the things Paige liked the most about her.

Another thing that Paige liked was the fact that she could talk to Emily. They must've talked for hours about Sean, how there always seemed to be something missing in their relationship; how he had every appearance of being "Mr. Right," but that, somehow, he wasn't quite right for Paige; how there was just something slightly off that Paige just couldn't put her finger on. Emily just listened, with a faint smile on her face and her left eyebrow up at an angle, indicating that she was paying attention. She, unlike Paige's other friends, didn't tell her to try harder, or that there had to be a man out there for her somewhere. The only advice that she gave was that Paige should follow her heart. That was the recurring theme that she hit over and over – that Paige had to be true to herself and do what made her happy. Coming from someone whose personal motto seemed to be, "follow your libido," it seemed like strange advice, to Paige. But it was advice that Paige would gladly have taken – if she'd only had even the faintest idea where her heart was leading her.


	4. Love-gnostic

"You're sure you don't mind?"

Emily was making the puppy-dog face that Paige hadn't learned how to say no to.

"What is it, again?"

"Just a plain old haunted house. It's mainly for kids. Well, like high school kids, I mean. They do it at Ravenswood every year around Halloween."

"Okay," Paige said with an easygoing shrug.

"Thanks," Emily said, landing her hand on Paige's arm. "I swear, I hate these things, but Josh begged us all to come."

Josh, who played bass in the band, had taken a seasonal job as a zombie in Ravenswood's Halloween House of Horrors. The plan had been for Emily to go the week before, when the rest of the band went, but she'd had to cancel at the last minute. She still wanted to go, to support Josh, but she didn't want to go by herself. Alone, she told Paige, was terrifying, but together was just a fun adrenaline rush.

"I'm not a big fan of them, either," Paige admitted. Seeing Emily's face turn disappointed, she added, "But it'll be fun, with someone to share the terror."

* * *

"Okay. Just remember," Emily said, already latched onto Paige's arm as they waited in line, "they're not allowed to touch you. They just jump out at you, to surprise you and try to freak you out, but they can't touch you."

"They can't touch you," Paige whispered to herself, over and over, as they walked through the front door. "They can't touch you! They can't touch you!" The refrain grew louder and faster as they strode gingerly past the realistic-looking body parts suspended in the hallway, the speakers making unearthly noises, and the strange things moving eerily in the walls. "THEY CAN"T TOUCH YOU!" she screamed, when the first zombie jumped out at them, clinging to Emily and using her as a human shield.

"What the fuck was that?" Emily yelled, sweeping the hair out of her face. She was holding Paige's arm and squeezing her shoulder. She started saying, "They can't touch you," too, just so she'd know that she was still alive. When the next zombie, suspended on wires, came flying towards them with a blood-curdling yell, lurching away just before she crashed into them, Emily screamed and fell backwards.

"Okay," Paige said, helping her up, "Maybe those heels weren't the best choice for tonight." Paige didn't mean to snap at her, but the fear was making her impatient.

"Paige, we're going to die in here, and you're yelling at me about my shoes?"

"We're not going to die. We're not going to die." It became Paige's new mantra. Emily fell in behind her, hands on Paige's back, peeking over her shoulder. Paige held her arms out in front of her as she walked, as if her hands were antennae, to detect whatever dangers lay ahead.

They walked through a squeaky door and weird, foreboding music started playing in the background. "Tacos are tasty," Emily whimpered.

"What?"

"Tacos are tasty! Tacos are tasty! Tacos are tasty!"

"My God, Em... Could you just for a minute..."

"PAIGE!"

Emily, freaking out when what she thought was a statue hanging from a meat hook lifted its half eaten face and screamed at them, dug her nails tight into Paige's shoulder.

The feeling of Emily clinging to her for protection like that was much better than Paige would have guessed. It had nothing to do with the physical contact. It was the feeling of being Emily's rock; her safe place; the one she turned to when she was afraid. Paige knew that it wasn't like that in real life; - only in this stupid haunted house, where Emily was willingly making herself vulnerable. Still, it was a feeling that Paige never wanted to forget.

After a while, Paige found that she wasn't panicking at the surprise appearances by the zombies anymore. It was because of Emily. It wasn't that Paige was forcing herself to be brave for Emily, but that she felt protective of her. It was as if some maternal switch clicked on when she saw Emily vulnerable and afraid, like those stories about a jackrabbit who attacks a fox when it's threatening her children.

Emily was holding onto Paige for dear life. Paige was her security blanket. It was a job that Paige really liked. Not to mention the tight squeezes, whenever Emily was startled.

When a bloody corpse rushed out at them, Emily jumped into the air and hid in a corner. By the time she finally calmed down and started moving again, she couldn't find Paige. She called her, panicking more and more when she didn't see her. All of a sudden, she heard a loud shout and felt a hand on her shoulder. She screamed and tried to run away, but Paige, who had sneaked up from behind to scare her, had a hold on her shoulders and held her in place.

"NO! NO! NO!" Emily screamed, repeatedly slapping Paige against the chest. "You do NOT do that!" Paige just kept on laughing, fighting to catch her breath. Emily was too scared to be truly angry. "That's just mean, Paige!" she said, before latching onto the safety of Paige's arm again.

* * *

"So, which one was Josh?" Paige asked, once they were safely outside and their heart rates had returned to normal."

"I don't even know," Emily said breathlessly.

"You didn't recognize him either?"

"No, and he's lucky I didn't, or he'd be in big trouble!" When Paige laughed at the threat, Emily scolded her, pointing her index finger in her face. "Don't you dare laugh, Paige McCullers! You're in big trouble, too?"

Paige put her hands up and tried to laugh it off. Even though Emily was clearly joking, Paige didn't like the thought of being on her naughty list.

"It's a good thing you're driving," Emily told her resignedly. "I have to let you live."

* * *

When Paige pulled up to Emily's building, Emily made a spiteful face, but smiled afterwards and gave her a hug, to show that there really were no hard feelings.

"Stay safe," Paige teased as Emily exited the car, and Emily turned and stuck out her tongue.

Back home in Scranton, Paige couldn't get to sleep. She was pacing around her room, a bundle of nervous energy. She really wanted to call Emily, but she couldn't muster the courage. "Well, the least I could do," she said out loud, "is apologize for scaring her like that." That sounded like as good an excuse as any, so she tapped Emily's contact on her phone and hit "Call."

"What do  _you_  want?" Emily was trying to sound annoyed, but Paige could tell that she was just kidding. She played along.

"I just wanted to apologize!" she said defensively.

Emily sighed melodramatically. "Do you actually think that I'm going to forgive you? Ever?"

Paige heard a slight giggle on the other end of the line. She and Emily were playing, and it felt good - like, flutter-in-the-stomach good.

"I'll do... literally anything!" Paige gestured broadly with her arm, as though Emily could see.

" _Literally_  anything?"

"Uh huh!"

"Really?"

"Really."

"So, you'd rip out your eyeballs and hand them to me on a platter?"

"You mean like that girl zombie in the..."

"All right! All right! Don't make me relive it!" Emily wailed.

"I'm really sorry!" Paige said softly. "Are you going to have nightmares?"

Emily laughed. "Oh, of course not. I like a good scare. I had fun." Emily laughed from deep in her throat. "I had a good time," she said softly.

"Okay," Paige said, turning a little shy. "Well, I guess I'd better let you get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow at 6:30?" That was their regular Saturday meet-up time.

"I'll be there," Emily said through a yawn.

"Take care," Paige said, and Emily repeated the phrase.

After she ended the call, Paige clutched her phone against herself and twirled around, with her chin resting on her chest. She could feel the smile that had made its way onto her face. She wasn't sure why she was feeling like that - giddy; excited; a little nervous, like a teenage girl after talking to a teenage boy about the prom. Paige wiped the smile off of her face. She knew it wasn't like that, between her and Emily. It was just that she'd never had a friend like Emily before, and she was enjoying the experience.

Emily laid her phone back down on her nightstand and her head back down on her pillow. She, too, was smiling. She didn't know why Paige had really called her. It clearly wasn't to apologize. Emily was okay with that.

It had been a good evening. Paige's call made it that much better.

* * *

"Okay, I've been thinking it over, and I realize what I am," Paige announced at the end of their walk the next morning, while they warmed up over coffee in The Brew.

"Okay," Emily said, dead serious. "What are you?"

"I'm love-gnostic," Paige said with a flourish, stretching out her hands on the table between them.

Emily chuckled. "So, you're some kind of love goddess?" She puffed her chest out, trying to adopt a goddess-like posture. "Someone thinks highly of herself!"

Paige rolled her eyes and mouthed the word, "No," shaking her head dismissively. "Okay, you know the word, 'agnostic…'"

"Someone who's open to the existence of God, but not sure."

"Exactly," Paige replied. "So, I'm open to the fact that love exists, but I'm not sure. I've never actually experienced it."

"What is this, some kind of set up?"

Paige raised her hands to show that she wasn't hiding anything. "Totally serious," she said.

"What about Sean?"

Paige scoffed. "What about Sean?"

"You're in a relationship with him, but you're not in love?"

"Okay, Emily, I might try to argue that point if it were coming from anyone but you!"

"What? I believe in love!"

"But you're in relationships with…" Paige paused. "Hundreds" would have done a better job of making her point, but Emily was her friend. "… dozens of girls," she said instead, "whom you're not in love with!"

Emily took a breath and thought it over before she responded. "Okay, well, yeah. I mean, there are lots of ways to define, 'in a relationship.' I'm in a relationship with my parents; I'm in a relationship with my boss; I'm in a relationship with my neighbors. And I'm in a relationship with those women. That doesn't mean I'm ' _in a relationship_ ' with them – in the facebook sense. It's just, you know – a bit of fun."

Paige chuckled. "I like talking to you, Emily. It makes me reexamine my perspective."

Emily nodded once. "Same here!"

There was silence for a few moments as each pondered the other's position. Eventually, Emily spoke. "So?"

"So?"

"So, what about agnosticism? Do you believe in God?" Emily raised her eyebrows at the weightiness of the question.

"Well, that's one question," Paige replied, "but I think a more interesting question is, does God believe in us?"

Emily let out a sigh. "Okay," she said slowly, "You're trying to avoid the question by being super deep…"

"No, really," Paige said animatedly. She sat forward in her seat and intertwined her fingers. "Let's assume that there  _is_ a God, and he's all-knowing and benevolent, and all the rest. Well, then, with all the evil in the world, he must see something good in humanity if he lets life go on. So then, God must believe in some great, over-arching, triumphant goodness in humanity. And, if he's all-knowing, then the fact that he believes in us should fill us with hope, despite everything we see in the world."

"So, you were some kind of philosophy major in college?"

"Kinesiology!" Paige said, with a wink. "Like half of the swim team! And, let me guess: you were…"

"Elementary ed." Paige said the words at the same time Emily did.

"Wait, did I tell you that before?"

Paige shrugged. "You just look like the type."

Emily gave Paige a sideways glance. "I don't know whether to be insulted or..."

"It's a compliment," Paige assured her.

* * *

"There must be something wrong with me," Paige lamented the following week, as they warmed up over coffee in the brew.

"What do you mean?"

"I should be happy that Sean's interested in me, right? Why can't I just be satisfied that there's this great guy in my life – a guy with a great future who's decent looking and really sweet, and who thinks that I'm pretty great, too?"

Emily set down her coffee and interlaced her fingers, topping them with her thumbs. "Trust me, Paige, there's nothing wrong with you."

Paige sighed and shifted her head from side to side. "Then why can't I find happiness? I'm twenty-four years old, I've been on dozens of dates with dozens of guys… After a while, you start to realize, they can't all be the problem.  _I_  must be the problem."

Emily took hold of both of Paige's hands. "Paige, first of all, love is hard. It's not like what you see on TV, where people just find somebody and fall in love over the course of a couple of episodes. And second, don't let anybody tell you that you're the problem. You're  _you_ , and that's who you're supposed to be. You're beautiful, you're intelligent, you're interesting. You don't want to settle, and I get that. You don't have to settle."

"But what if I never find someone who… What if I never find the right guy?"

Emily let out a deep breath, letting go of Paige's hands. "I don't know," she said flatly. "I obviously don't have all the answers. I mean, look at me. I'm still looking, myself."

"Yeah, but, you're killing it in life! You've got the band, you travel, you've got a whole stable full of women, you're… happy"

"I am," Emily looked sad, all of a sudden. Paige recognized the expression from the many discussions she and Emily had had about Emily's love life, but, somehow, Paige had never picked up on the sadness before. "But those things are just distractions from what I don't have. Yes, I've got my gigs with the band, but, in between, I'm stuck in an office for hours at a time, to make ends meet. Yes, I get to travel, but, then I come home to an empty apartment every night. And I may get a lot of women, but I don't get a lot of love." Emily looked down at her cup. Her words were almost depressing herself. And she could see the effect that they were having on Paige. She perked up. "But I  _choose_  to be happy," she concluded with a shrug. "I don't want to wait until everything's perfect to start enjoying life. I want to enjoy every moment. If not – what else is there?"

Paige found herself overcome with admiration for Emily. She was the opposite of Paige. Paige was never a risk taker. That's how she ended up with a safe job as a health teacher and swim coach in her old high school. And that's how she ended up dating Sean.

Emily was everything Paige wanted to be, in that moment. Without really realizing that she was doing it, she leaned across the table, put her hand behind Emily's head, and gave her a kiss. She just wanted to be a part of Emily's space; part of that energy, if only for that moment. The moment quickly passed.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Emily! I mean, I know the fact that you're into girls doesn't mean that I could just…" Paige dipped her head, frustrated and humiliated. "God. That was so inappropriate."

Emily laughed lightly and shook it off. "Don't worry about it."

Paige, her head buried in her hands, peeked at Emily through her fingertips, not fully raising her head. "You're sure?" Emily nodded with a smile. "Things aren't going to be awkward between us now?"

"It's fine, Paige," Emily said calmly. With a dismissive chuckle, she added, "It's not as if you're the first straight friend who's kissed me."

This was news that Paige wasn't ready for. Nothing in her experience had prepared her for the scenario that a straight woman would kiss another woman that way. "Really?" she said, her hands falling away from her face in shock and skepticism. Emily shrugged. "But why would…"

Emily sighed. "I don't know," she admitted. "Sometimes, they just wonder what it would feel like. Sometimes, they're just frustrated with men."

Emily's explanation made Paige feel more guilty, as if she had taken advantage of Emily, kissing her lesbian friend as a non-threatening, no-consequences way to release her pent-up frustration. Or as an experiment, to experience the sensation of pressing lips with a woman. "Em, I swear," she said, finally looking Emily in the eye. "I would never experiment with you or use you like that. I don't know why I did it. You just seemed to have everything together, and I…"

"I get that," Emily said reassuringly. "Sometimes, you just feel close to someone, and what could be closer or more intimate than a kiss?" Emily shrugged nonchalantly. "I'll take it as a compliment."

Paige gave Emily a nervous but relieved smile. She was glad that Emily didn't take it the wrong way. And she knew that it could never happen again.

* * *

Even though Emily told her to forget about the kiss, it was impossible for Paige to do so. The kiss wasn't the kind of thing that happened in real life. It was the kind of thing that only happened in the movies. Cheesy, romantic, made-for-TV movies. But it wasn't so much how the kiss could have happened that troubled Paige. What troubled her was how the kiss made her feel. That was a question that she felt she should be able to answer, but no matter long she pondered it, she wasn't able to come up with an answer.

The thing was, Paige wasn't gay. She knew that for a fact. She didn't have anything against gays; in fact, she had good friends who were lesbian. That was par for the course, for someone who was an athlete in college. Also par for the course was being mistaken for a lesbian. Paige never took offense at that. Most of the time, she found it flattering. But it didn't change the facts. Paige wasn't gay. She couldn't be. She had always dreamed of the perfect life with a house in the suburbs, a picket fence, her two perfect kids, and her own perfect Prince Charming.

She had kissed a lot of frogs on her way to finding that prince. So what if she happened to kiss a princess along the way? Once princess, compared to a whole line of princes, didn't make her gay.

If there was really nothing to the kiss, it should've felt like nothing – or, she supposed, it should've felt like a friendly gesture, like the many times Emily touched her arm in a friendly way. Perhaps that wasn't a good example, though. Those touches, even though they may have been friendly from Emily's perspective, inevitably sent little bolts of lightning shooting through Paige. It was a wonder that she didn't jump whenever it happened. That wasn't the case with the kiss. She didn't feel a jolt or see stars. And it didn't feel like the times she kissed Sean – artificial or make-believe, as if they were kissing in some high school play. It felt…. different. Comfortable. Right. It felt as if kissing Emily was the right thing to do. Paige tried to let it rest at that. Kissing Emily had been right in that moment, and there was nothing more to be made of the situation. Emily was willing to let it go, and Paige needed to do that, too.

So, the kiss went undiscussed and unrepeated. Paige and Emily went back into their old habits and their old ways. It never came up in their conversation – nor did it make their time together awkward. And Emily still gave Paige friendly touches when the moment was right.

The kiss might simply have faded into oblivion had it not been for Paige's dream.

Paige dreamed that she was riding on a train, engaged in conversation with the women who were sitting around her. There were only women; no men. The dream didn't specify what they talked about – or, if it did, Paige didn't remember that detail. She just remembered the woman sitting across from her, Emily, who was staring at her unyieldingly, with a welcoming smile. It was a look that invited a kiss, and Paige, in the middle of everything, kissed her. But in the dream, Paige immediately felt waves of guilt for kissing Emily behind Sean's back. She didn't feel guilty for cheating on Sean, but for leading Emily on; for giving her a kiss even though that she wasn't available to Emily. She told herself, in the dream, that Emily knew that it was just a friendly kiss, but she couldn't convince herself of that. Later in the dream, on another train ride, Emily confronted her, having found out about Sean, and deeply saddened that Paige had given her false hope.

Paige woke from the dream not feeling uneasy or guilty. Instead, the dream gave her a warm sense of happiness, presenting her with an alternate reality where a woman would actually be interested in her; where a woman like Emily would actually be moved by her kiss.

The dream brought all of the questions about the kiss back to the surface again. Paige knew that those questions would keep hanging around her subconscious mind until she confronted them head on – with Emily.

And Paige wasn't the only one who found herself thinking about the kiss. Despite what Emily told Paige about forgetting the kiss, it was heavy on her mind, too. It wasn't just the kiss; rather, it was a combination of things. There was no denying that Paige was in a loveless relationship, and that she was compromising who she was in exchange for the comfort and security of a conventional relationship. The kiss, then, wasn't so much a plea for help or an attempt to escape as it was an exploration; a way to prove to herself that what she had been dreaming of was really possible. But Emily didn't see it as her responsibility to get Paige there. She would certainly be there for Paige, if and when Paige was ready to admit it to herself, but the readiness was something that had to come from Paige herself.


	5. Voice Mail

Paige could see that her hand was trembling as she pressed "1" on her phone, to replay the message. Emily had been crying when she called, and it was hard to understand what she was saying, but she was obviously distressed.

"Paige?" Emily sniffled. "I know you're probably asleep, and I don't even know why I called. It's just..." Emily's voice kept getting more and more high-pitched. Paige could hear the tears. Emily groaned as she tried to compose herself. "I'm sorry. It's late. I don't know why I called," she repeated. "I just... I really need you." Paige heard Emily start to cry right before she ended the call.

Paige checked the time. It was a little after 5:30 in the morning. Emily had called almost four hours earlier. Paige paced back and forth, trying not to panic. Emily had needed her, and she wasn't there for her. She almost dialed Emily's phone number, but that didn't seem right. Emily didn't say that she needed to talk to her; she said she needed her. Paige got dressed and got into her car, calling the school on the way to let them know that they would need to get a substitute. But, when she got to Emily's apartment in Rosewood, Emily wasn't there.

Emily picked up Paige's call on the first ring. She was at her mother's, and was a bit more composed than she had been when she called. Her father had been hospitalized on his Army base in Texas with a heart issue, but he was going to be okay. The doctors assured him that it wasn't life-threatening, but it would probably mean that he would have to retire from the Army.

Paige wasn't sure that Emily still needed to see her, now that the crisis was over, and Emily and her mother were comforting each other. Actually, Emily still did want Paige there, but she didn't know how to ask. She already felt bad about having left the message, especially after Paige had driven all the way from Scranton after she heard it.

Paige, very softly and tentatively, not wanting to overstep any boundaries, asked, "Would it be okay if I came over?"

Emily let out a huge huff of air, making Paige think that her question had been inappropriate. It was actually a sigh of relief. Emily sniffled slightly. "Would you?"

"Of course," Paige said softly.

* * *

Paige prepared herself to greet Pam as she knocked on the door. She wasn't sure what to say at a time like that, especially to someone she hardly knew. But she was there for Emily. She straightened her back and cleared her throat as she heard the door being unlocked and saw it start to open. Emily was on the other side, and, once she saw Paige, she collapsed into her arms and started crying all over again. Paige didn't know what to say, so she just held her where they stood and let her cry.

Once they made it inside the house, Emily curled up on the couch under Paige's arm, with her head on Paige's chest. Pam, she explained, had lain down for a nap, after what had been a long, emotional night.

Emily was a bundle of emotions. She was delighted, of course, that her dad was going to be okay, and eager to have him return to Rosewood. At the same time, she knew how much his Army career meant to him, and she worried about how he would adjust to being a civilian, after having defined himself for most of his life as a soldier. And, knowing her father, it would have been an even greater humiliation that he had been forced to retire for physical reasons.

"I should concentrate on the good news, shouldn't I?" Emily was watching her hands, fidgeting with her fingers. "My Dad's okay, and that's all that matters."

"Yeah, but it's not that easy, is it?" Paige said in a low, soothing voice. "Of course, you're going to think about your dad, and all of the emotions he's going through, and how difficult that's got to be for him."

Emily nodded against Paige's chest and patted her lightly on the leg. "Thank you," she said, looking up at Paige, "for being here."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," Paige said simply, giving Emily a slight squeeze.

"I'm just… exhausted," Emily confessed, looking away again. "I don't want to think anymore for a while."

"Do you want to watch a movie or something, to take your mind off things?" Emily nodded, clinging tightly to Paige's shirt. Paige tried to find the remote for the TV, but before she could, she noticed that Emily had fallen fast asleep.

Holding Emily that way felt comfortable;  _right_ , somehow. Paige understood for the first time why Sean always wanted her to cuddle up next to him when they were together on his couch. She had always thought that it was just male hormones – Sean wanting to stroke her body or get her in the mood for something else. But, with Emily in her arms, she realized that it wasn't that at all. It felt nurturing; watchful, to be holding Emily like that. Once again, Paige had that feeling of being Emily's safe harbor; her secure home. In Sean's arms, Paige felt childish and awkward; even a bit silly. But, like so many other things, it was different with Emily.

It was, Paige realized, another milestone in their relationship. It meant a lot to her that she had been the one Emily turned to when she got the news about her dad; that she was  _that friend._  And just the fact that still Emily trusted her enough to to fall asleep in her arms, even after that stupid kiss, meant so much to Paige. She took a deep breath and let it out, as the rise and fall of Emily's chest as she breathed in and out registered against Paige's body.

Sitting there on the couch, with the weight of Emily's head on her chest, her shirt still moist from Emily's tears, Emily's words echoed over and over in her head:  _I really need you._

* * *

After a long day at work, Paige was eager to get to her car and get out of Philadelphia, having endured a day-long "professional development" seminar. It was a break from being with the kids, but it presented a different kind of challenge; eight hours behind a desk, listening to the latest theories of how to make classrooms come alive.

Paige was looking forward to the drive home; being able to put on some music and shut out the world for a while. She knew that she might get stuck in traffic, but, even if she did, she would be fine, in her little oasis.

Stepping out of the building where the seminar had been held, she took a deep breath of the evening air. It felt good, especially after being cooped up in a stuffy room all day. As she headed towards the lot where she had parked her car, she turned off of Market Street and onto Sansom. She preferred the less-crowded Sansom Street because it had a lot of hip boutiques and tiny, storefront cafés. It was a much more interesting walk than Market Street, with its cold, concrete-and-glass skyscrapers. Sansom Street had more of the feel of the main street in the small downtown area back home in Scranton.

Paige ended up walking behind two college-aged women. One was wearing tan camouflage pants and a brown beanie, and the other had on a long, sleeveless shirt, black jeans, and black Doc Martens. Paige was fascinated by the prospect that they might be a couple. They weren't holding hands, but that wasn't conclusive. Couples don't always hold hands in public. Paige realized that, even in 2017, even in a big city, a gay couple might not feel safe holding hands out on the street. And, besides, she and Emily often held hands, and they weren't together.

But, Paige realized that she was just being silly. She wasn't sure why she even assumed that they were a couple. They were probably just hip young college kids in the city, and she was reading way too much into the way they were dressed.

The women stopped when they reached the corner of the street where Paige needed to turn. Turning to face each other, they kissed before heading off in different directions. Paige's heart swelled. She felt like clapping her hands or hugging them, or something else inappropriate. She couldn't explain why she was so excited to have that proof that they were together. It shouldn't have been a big deal. And it was really none of her business; they didn't need her approval. Still, she couldn't deny how happy it made her. As she walked past them, she smiled in their direction, grateful that they were too involved in their good-bye kiss to have noticed.

As she drove home, Paige kind of wished that she had an excuse to call Emily. She wanted to share her experience with someone, and she kind of wanted to know whether it was okay or just patronizing for her to have felt so happy for them. The more she thought about discussing with Emily, though, the gladder she was that she hadn't called her. She was making too much of a deal out of it, and Emily probably would have found it petty and a little insulting. It was the kind of thing that was best just kept to herself.

* * *

"Are you serious?" Emily's eyes were wide with excitement and disbelief. "You've never been to Dave and Buster's?" Paige shrugged her shoulders, not understanding why it was so hard to believe. "Well, that settles it," Emily said, excited. "We have to go!"

"It's your birthday," Paige reminded her. "We'll do whatever you want!"

"You're sure Sean's okay with letting you go for the day?"

Paige scoffed, but recovered quickly. "He can deal," she said, smiling. "It's  _your_  special day."

Emily gave Paige a hug. "We're going to have so much fun!"

Paige was calm as she surveyed the layout of the place. She'd had the impression that Dave and Buster's was just a kids' place, and there were certainly a lot of them there, but there were a good number of adults, too. Not just parents, but couples as well. Some were on dates, of course, but there were also couples who were there as friends. Like her and Emily.

Emily was childlike in her enthusiasm for the arcade games. Actually, it was more of a motherly enthusiasm; the kind of excitement that a parent has to see her children enjoy the things she used to enjoy growing up. Emily kept smiling at Paige hopefully, looking for signs that it was everything that Emily had said it was. Paige smiled back, partly because she was having a great time, but mainly because Emily's smile was irresistible. Her joy was contagious.

It wasn't unusual for Paige and Emily to hold hands. They did it all the time on their walks. But that was a kind of collegial, walking together type of gesture. It felt different, in the arcade. It felt more like holding hands. And, when Emily really got excited, and Paige wasn't moving fast enough, she wrapped her hands around Paige's arms and pulled her along. Paige had never felt closer to her – or to anyone, that she could remember.

"Can't you hardly wait to be able to take your children here someday?"

Paige laughed at that.

"What's so funny?"

"You want to have children?"

"Don't you?"

"Well, yeah, but I'm not…" Paige stopped herself before she said something profoundly stupid.

Emily filled in the blanks for her. "You're not gay?"

Paige shrugged, embarrassed. "Okay, that's probably the stupidest thing I've ever said in my life. Of course, you want to have kids, too."

Emily playfully punched Paige's shoulder. "Yes, Paige, lesbians  _can_  get married and even get pregnant!"

"I know, I know… I just…" Paige burst into laughter. "Sorry," she said, dipping her head. The fact was, it had never occurred to her that women who loved women would want a family just as much as she did. She couldn't believe how naïve and ignorant she was being about it. "Sorry," she said again, grabbing Emily from the side for a hug.

* * *

The girls fell into their familiar competitive patterns when they played two-person games, like air hockey, basketball, and mini bowling. Paige's game was off - perhaps she was distracted by Emily and how their friendship was evolving - so she often resorted to bumping Emily, to knock her off of her shot, with an over-the-top, "Oops!" which Emily put up with, with a good-natured laugh. It was all in good fun, and, all in all, it was a great birthday.

"Well, I guess we'd better go cash in our tickets," Emily said with a fake pout as the afternoon drew to a close.

"Already? One more game of hoops?"

Emily laughed. "Paige, remember. I have to work tonight! I need to get ready and do my vocal exercises."

Paige sighed, obviously let down. "Can't you call in sick? You can't work on your birthday!"

Emily laughed. "It's not like a factory, where they can get someone can cover for me. It's just the four of us. Plus I'm the vocalist!"

"I know, I know," Paige muttered, not hiding her disappointment. She didn't want the afternoon to end.

Emily grabbed her by the arm, trying to restore her good mood. "Come on! Let's go redeem our tickets! This is the most fun part of Dave and Buster's!"

Paige rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Sifting through these cheap trinkets to try to figure out how to get rid of every last ticket sounds like just… boatloads of fun."

"They're not all cheap, Paige," Emily said with a heavy voice. "See that Xbox? I wouldn't call that cheap!"

"Yeah – for 85,000 tickets! For the amount of money you'd have to spend to earn that many tickets, you could by an Xbox for everyone here!"

Emily shook her head. "Way to take the fun out of it, Paige!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Paige said, the huge grin on her face showing that she really wasn't.

"It's my  _birthday_ , remember?"

"Fine!" Paige sighed melodramatically. "Let's go trade in all of these hard-earned tickets. Because it's your birthday!"

* * *

"Hey, Paige! Look at this!" Emily pulled out an umbrella hat. "See? I could keep myself dry and keep my hands free!"

"You don't seriously expect me to believe that you would actually wear that!"

"It's not about what I'd actually use! None of this stuff is supposed to be practical. It's just about having fun." Emily elbowed Paige in the ribs. "Live a little!"

Paige stopped in her tracks. This was, after all, what she admired the most about Emily; her ability to find joy in the most mundane of things. She rolled her eyes and held out her hand for Emily to give her the umbrella hat. When Emily handed it over, Paige pretended that she was going to try it on, but tossed it back onto its shelf instead. "Friends don't let friends buy umbrella hats!"

* * *

Emily gave Paige a big hug as they stood next to Emily's car. "I had so much fun today," she told her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome!" Paige stood staring at Emily, and Emily stared back. Emily looked at the time on her phone. She was trying not to be impatient, but she really needed to get going. "Birthday kiss?" Paige blurted out, with a coy smile. She wasn't sure where that idea – or the courage to say it out loud – had come from.

Emily's jaw dropped in mock shock at the request. She shook her head, smiling coyly, and leaned forward – but she extended her cheek, not her lips, to Paige. Paige wasn't expecting that, but she made the best of it, softly kissing Emily's cheek and then pressing their cheeks together. "I'd better let you get going, huh?"

Emily nodded, with a sympathetic pout.

"Where are you guys playing?"

"The Hungry Owl?" Emily posited. "It's like a karaoke bar, but Sol managed to book us as a warm-up act. Anything we can do to get some exposure…"

"Oh, I know that place! On Chester Pike?" Emily nodded. Paige shrugged nonchalantly. "Maybe I'll stop by!"

"Yeah – you and Sean should definitely stop by! It'd be nice to have someone other than my Mom and Dad clapping for us in the audience!"

Paige nodded. Emily chuckled, not knowing what else to say. But Paige hadn't stepped aside. "Okay... so... I'd better get going. See you guys tonight, maybe?"

"Maybe!"

As soon as Paige made it to her car, she fired off a text to Sean, telling him that she wasn't feeling well, and she'd have to take a raincheck on their movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For any Freya/Keelin shippers who were wondering about that voice-mail, the answer is yes. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Drama

"Paige!" Emily said with a smile. "You made it!"

Emily was using a towel that she borrowed from the bartender to wipe her neck and forehead in between sets. She backed away from the hug Paige was offering, not wanting to get her sweaty. "This is my Dad," she said, gesturing with her hands, "Lieutenant Colonel Wayne Fields."

"Retired," Wayne interjected with a welcoming smile as he shook Paige's hand heartily.

"Dad," Emily continued, "this is Paige McCullers."

Wayne drew Paige closer, turning the handshake into a hug. "Please call me Wayne," he said, "or you'll make me feel as old as I look!" Emily rolled her eyes, having heard that line one time too many over the years.

"Where's Sean?"

"Oh, I… I'm not… sure. He's off doing some guy thing, tonight, I think." Emily looked confused, as if she knew, somehow, that Paige was supposed to be having a movie night with Sean. Or maybe that was just Paige's paranoia kicking in. After all, Emily had no way of knowing that she had canceled with Sean after their afternoon at Dave and Busters, so that she could spend a little more time with Emily. Sean didn't know that, either. He thought that she was home, recuperating from a bad cold.

"He says hi, by the way." Paige said, lying to make her earlier lie seem more plausible. She quickly added, "You guys sounded great," in an attempt to change the subject.

Wayne nodded in agreement. "But, Emmy, you know your Mom's going to get on you about not wearing that dress she told you to wear. 'No need to give everyone a show.'" Wayne pointed his finger at Emily as he mimicked his wife's tone.

Emily rolled her eyes, looking at Paige for sympathy. Paige gave her a knowing smile. All moms, it seemed, were the same. Paige, on the other hand, certainly had no issues with Emily's choice of dress.

"Where is Mom, anyway?" Emily asked dryly.

"She said she was heading back to the green room for a little mother-daughter time," Wayne replied.

"Yeah," Emily handed Wayne the towel she had been using to dry herself off. Wayne looked at her, at the towel, and back to her again, confused as to what she expected him to do with it. "I'd better get back there and look over the second set."

"And drink plenty of water!" Wayne advised.

"Okay! I'll see you after the show," Emily said quickly, in a rush to get back to the green room. As she turned to leave, she said, "I love you!" For a split second, Paige's whole body froze, hearing those words from Emily's mouth. It only took her that split second to realize that the words were for Wayne, not for her. Obviously. Still, that split second left her a bit shaken. She really needed to sit down. And she probably needed a drink.

"Where are you sitting?" Wayne asked. He touched Paige's shoulder lightly, out of concern, when she didn't reply.

"Oh… sorry… I just…" Paige shook her head to clear her thoughts. "I got lost for a second. Um, what did you say?"

"Where are you sitting? May we join you?"

Paige smiled broadly, pointing to the table she had staked out, grateful for the company.

"So, how do you know my Emmy?" Wayne asked, once they got situated in their seats, waiting for the second set to start.

"Oh, we met… by chance. She was waiting for a blind date, and I saw her sitting alone…"

"So, you swooped in and worked your magic?"

"Oh, no!" Paige laughed out loud, tilting her head back at the sheer ridiculousness of it. "I was waiting for someone, too," she said, clarifying, after a slight pause, "a guy." Wayne nodded. "Sean," Paige sputtered, referring back to the conversation she and Emily had had earlier about where Sean was.

"Oh – right! Sean's a guy's name, too," Wayne said, as if he had forgotten. "Sorry," he added with a laugh. "I guess Pam's got me trained, you know. I'm hearing with a mother's ears, as she always puts it."

Wayne tapped his glass of gin and tonic a couple of times, trying to think of a conversation starter. "So, have you seen them perform before?"

"Yeah," Paige said, a little confused but more disappointed and resentful that Emily's father didn't seem to know anything about her. She certainly would have told her father about Emily, had her relationship with her parents not been so strained. Emily didn't seem to have any issues with her parents, so Paige couldn't understand why she never told her father anything about her. "I saw them at a gala at the Art Museum in Philly a few months ago."

"Oh." Wayne looked a bit deflated. "So, you're from Philly?"

"Scranton, actually."

"Oh. I was hoping that you might know a nice local girl for Emily. She's never going to meet anybody with these crazy hours she's keeping, and Pam and I are about ready to be grandparents."

Even though Paige had never admitted to herself that she had feelings for Emily – and that she hoped that Emily had feelings for her – it kind of hurt to come face to face with the fact that Emily didn't think enough of her friendship to talk to her father about it. Especially since Paige was the one Emily had called when her father had that scare over his health.

Wayne switched the subject to Paige's relationship, asking a few questions about Sean and advising Paige to grab him before it's too late. "I'm sure your mother's just as eager to have grandkids as Pam and I are!"

"I'm sure," Paige said amiably, rather than getting into the whole discussion about her strained relationship with her parents.

Mercifully, the second set started up again, and Paige was spared further awkward conversation with Emily's parents. She only had to nod and smile in agreement as Wayne, and Pam, who had joined them, engaged in their running commentary about Emily's outfit, makeup, and life choices.

The next day was Sunday, and Paige and Emily met for their usual morning walk. Paige was a little quiet, and seemed moody to Emily, who did her best to make small talk, to keep things light. She wasn't used to seeing Paige act like that, and she didn't really know how to behave around her in the mood that she was in.

Finally, when they were warming up at The Brew over coffee, Emily decided just to come out with it. She put her hand on top of Paige's and, leaning in, asked what was wrong.

Paige recoiled from Emily's touch, straightening up in her chair. "Nothing!" she barked, giving every impression that something was wrong.

"Are things all right with Sean?" Emily asked in a soft, careful voice. She was genuinely concerned about her friend, but she didn't want to make things worse.

"Sean?" Paige asked accusingly. "What? No! Sean's fine."

"Oh," Emily said sadly. "So, it's something with me." Emily looked away in defeat, fidgeting with the spoon on the side of her coffee cup.

"It's… nothing," Paige huffed impatiently. "It's not you. Everything's fine." Paige leaned back, tossing a packet of sweetener on the table.

"Okay, but, Paige, clearly, something's…"

"I'm fine!" Paige bellowed, backing Emily away from her. Emily put her hands up in submission. Paige ran her fingers through her hair and tried again, softening her tone. "Look, it's nothing, okay? I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or something. I'm sorry." She sounded more spiteful than sorry.

Emily wanted to say something – like telling Paige that they were friends, and that she would listen to whatever Paige needed to get off of her chest – but, frankly, she didn't want to get yelled at again. So, she just smiled weakly and avoided eye contact.

Paige took a sip of her coffee and let the uncomfortable silence build between them. Just as Emily was about to excuse herself and call it a day, Paige blurted out, "How come you never told your dad about us?" Emily tilted her head to the side, scrunching up her nose. It wasn't just the question - or the accusing way that Paige had asked it; it was the fact that the question itself was so out of the blue. "About  _me_ ," Paige quickly said, in response to Emily's reaction. "About our friendship."

"I've told him about you," Emily said defensively.

"So, why was he asking me all of those questions last night?"

"I don't know," Emily said, annoyed. "Maybe he was trying to make conversation?"  _I mean, you're not always the easiest person to talk to. Like, now, for example._

"It's as if he didn't know anything about me," Paige said, trying to suppress her anger, but still very accusatory in her tone.

"So, this is why you're upset with me?"

Paige sighed. "Look, I'm not upset with you. I'm just… I thought we were friends. And I thought you'd tell your dad about me – how we met, what I do for a living…"

"Does your dad know about how we met?"

Paige let out a loud grunt. "That's not the point! God, Em!"

Emily was through trying to hold back her anger. She'd had enough of the way that Paige was treating her. "Well then, please tell me what the point is!" she yelled.

"I just… I don't know, Emily," Paige said bitterly. "I thought that we were close, you know?"

"We  _are_  close," Emily interrupted, almost pleading.

"And I thought that, you know, maybe you might talk to your dad about me."

"Paige," Emily said, trying to remain calm. "I told you, I  _did_  tell him about you. I don't know – maybe he was just confused. I mean, I've told him about a lot of girls…" Paige's eyelids narrowed into angry slits and her lips curled into a scowl on hearing that. "I mean… not that you're just some other girl, but I…"

Paige stared into her eyes for a long time. She could feel her blood starting to boil.  _How many of those other girls did you call in the middle of the night and tell them that you needed them?_ Paige started to feel stupid. She was just one of many, to Emily. "Just forget it," She said at last.

"Paige…."

"I've got to get going, anyway," Paige mumbled.

Emily's dropped her hands against the table, confused and defeated. She started getting her things together. "Have a great week," she scoffed as she watched Paige head wordlessly for the door.

* * *

Paige was upset. She was actually way beyond upset. She didn't even know the word for what she was.

The drive home was a blur – in the figurative sense and, because of the tears clouding Paige's eyes, the literal sense as well. Once she got home, she splashed some water on her face, lingering in front of the bathroom mirror until she had control of her emotions. Then, she settled in on the couch and pulled out her phone.

When Sean saw Paige's number on his phone, he picked up right away. It wasn't that he was expecting a call from her; he was always the one who called, and, besides, she had been blowing him off lately, canceling or postponing their plans. Still, it didn't strike him as unusual that Paige was calling, and when she asked about coming over, his "yes" was more than eager. He did a quick tidy-up, on his apartment and himself, ordered some take-out, and waited for her.

Paige wasn't really in the mood for talking. She wasn't really in the mood for anything, but she put up with the thing one that Sean was in the mood for, because she felt so frustrated and alone. When it started to get late, Sean offered to drive her home, adding that he could pick her up before in the morning so that she could retrieve her car. Paige put her hand on his chest, and told him that she really didn't want to be alone.

Sean wasn't the best at picking up on hints, but he picked up on that one.

Very few words were exchanged as they got out of their clothes and settled in for the night. And very little else happened. Paige explained to Sean that she just wanted to be held, and he was okay with that. He was willing to wait and put in the work until she was ready to take things any further.

Paige lay on her side near the edge of the bed, her waist contracted under the weight of Sean's forearm, staring at the wall until it began to fade into a soft pastel blur. Sean's deep, rhythmic breaths falling against her neck had an almost hypnotic effect, but sleep never came. She couldn't get her eyes to stay shut.

At some point in the middle of the night, Paige came to the realization that there were worse things than spending the night alone. She crept unnoticed out of Sean's bed and into her car, headed for home.

Back home in her own bed, Paige was still restless. Spending the evening with Sean had provided only a temporary distraction from the guilt she was feeling because of the way she had acted around Emily. It was about one in the morning when she finally fired off an apologetic text to Emily, hoping to clear her conscience. She immediately muted her phone and put it aside, knowing that, if she left it on, she would've fretted all night until she heard from Emily.

As soon as Paige woke up, six hours later, she checked her phone, frantically sliding open the text with Emily's response: "Okay." It was only one word, but it spoke volumes. Emily didn't say anything about how Paige had hurt her, she didn't say that she had forgiven Paige, and she didn't even put a cute emoji to keep things light. It was possible that Emily had been running late and didn't have time to give a full response, but Paige knew that wasn't the case. Emily was clearly hurt, or angry with Paige – or both.

* * *

After the incident on Sunday morning, Emily got into her car and called her father, yelling into the phone as soon as he picked up. "How come you acted as if I'd never told you about Paige?"

"Try that again," Wayne said sternly, the authority borne of his years as an Army officer in full effect.

Emily sighed. "I'm sorry. I just had a big fight with Paige, because she said I never told you anything about her?"

Wayne heard a car beep its horn at Emily as it passed. "Where are you?"

"Driving home!" Emily was frustrated that she still wasn't able to get to her subject.

"Pull over," Wayne said calmly.

"What?"

"Pull over," he repeated more forcefully. "You're in no state to drive."

"Dad, I..."

"Get off the road," he said patiently, "take a few deep breaths, and come over to the house. We'll discuss it when you get here."

Wayne looked up when he heard Emily's car pull into the driveway. She had a key, but he met her at the door. He could see that she was upset, so he took his sternness down a notch. "What happened?"

Emily explained the fight that she'd had with Paige - or, more accurately, that Paige had had with her - while her dad listened silently. When she finished, he asked, "So, this was all misplaced anger at me?"

"Misplaced?" Emily groaned. "Dad, I told you about Paige. I told you that she helped me keep it together when we got the call from Fort Hood. But you kept treating her like some girl I'd just met."

"Oh, that was Paige?"

Emily practically screamed. "Yes!" she insisted, "That was Paige!"

"Emily, remember what I was going through back then. I saw a half dozen doctors, tons of nurses and technicians; I was getting bombarded with medical terms and taking meetings with my leadership, with guys from personnel, with financial advisers and all the rest. I had a lot going on."

"I know," Emily said apologetically.

"So, it's not all that surprising that, even though I remember that she was there with you, that I didn't remember her name."

"I know," Emily said softly, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry, Dad."

"Why is Paige making such a big deal out of this anyway?"

"I don't know." Emily said, not wanting to drag her father in the middle of everything. "It's complicated."

"Does she have a thing for you?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders. She honestly didn't know. Whatever she may have thought Paige felt for her before the fight - and whatever she thought she felt for Paige - she just wasn't sure anymore.

Emily had gotten used to making excuses for Paige in her head.

_She's afraid; that's why she keeps stretching the truth._   
_She's confused; that's why she kissed me._   
_She's insecure in her relationship with Sean; that's why she's lashing out at me._

It was starting to get old.


	7. Days I Regret

Pam came downstairs when she heard Emily and Wayne talking. It sounded as though they were fighting, and she wanted to make sure they were okay.

After a hug, she asked, "What brings you by, Emmy?"

Emily looked at her dad and then at Wayne. "Nothing. I just needed to talk things over with Dad."

"Is this about last night?" Pam asked tentatively, almost whispering. Emily shrugged her shoulders. "Are you and Paige fighting?"

Emily sighed. "I guess we are, now!"

"Well," Pam said soothingly, putting her arm around Emily's shoulder and rubbing Emily's arm with her other hand. "Don't worry about it. When your father and I first started dating, we got into fights all the time, didn't we, Wayne?"

Emily gave Pam a confused look. "Mom... what are you talking about? Paige and I aren't dating."

Pam laughed out loud at that, stopping only when she saw that Wayne and Emily weren't laughing. "What do you mean you're not dating?"

Emily was trying to be patient, but she really didn't feel like having her relationship with Paige put under a microscope. "What part don't you understand? Paige and I aren't dating!"

"You broke up?"

"Ugh!" Emily raised her hands in frustration. "We didn't break up. We were never dating. We're  _not_  dating."

"Emily, this is the girl who drove all the way from Scranton ti be with you when your father was in the hospital..."

Wayne clapped his hands together. "I  _thought_  that was the girl! But it didn't make any sense, because you said she was Emmy's girlfriend, and they didn't even kiss or hold hands when she showed up."

"Oh, Wayne," Pam said dismissively. "Let me guess: Emily insisted on introducing you as Lieutenant Colonel Fields! You remember in high school how all her other little girlfriends were intimidated by that!"

"Mom!" Emily yelled out desperately. "First of all, there weren't that many girlfriends, and second, Paige is not my girlfriend, and third..." Emily flailed around for a third point, waving her hands wildly. "... why are we talking about my love life?"

"Oh, honey," Pam said in her most condescending, maternal tone as she rubbed Emily's arms. "Look, I'm sure if you and Paige just talk things through, you can work this out." Pam leaned her head in close. "I mean, it's obvious that she has feelings for you." She looked into Emily's eyes, waiting for Emily to acknowledge what she said, Emily blew out a frustrated puff of air and turned her head to the side. "And it's obvious that you have feelings for her, too?"

Emily put her fingertips to her forehead and rubbed it, trying to calm herself down. There was no denying what her mother had said. She did have feelings for Pam. And she was willing to admit that Paige had feelings for her, too. Perhaps that would explain why Paige lashed out the way that she did. She must have been drowning in an emotional sea, frustrated and confused by feelings that she was trying to repress, and hurt and angry because she thought that Emily had never told her father about her.

It was too much for Emily to process. She knew that she should forgive Paige, but she also felt that she should take a step back from their relationship. Paige needed to start being honest - with herself, with Sean, and with Emily. Until that happened, there would just be more mixed signals and more emotional blow-ups.

* * *

Paige was thrown, but not deterred by Emily's one-word response to the apology that she'd texted. She knew that she had earned the wall of caution that Emily seemed to be erecting. She and Emily were going to have to talk, but Paige knew that she couldn't rush it. As she saw it, Emily would need time to cool down before she was ready to hear Paige's side of the story. So, Paige pursued the soft-sell. She kept in touch with Emily as if nothing had happened that fateful Saturday – texting her funny stories that happened during her day, or links to cute videos or Buzzfeed articles. She never called, and never sent a text that would have required Emily to respond. That way, when she didn't hear from Emily, she could still convince herself that Emily didn't hate her.

When Friday came, Paige was forced to send a text that required a reply. She needed to know whether or not they were still on for Sunday's hike. Once again, Emily responded with one word: "Sure." It wasn't much, but it wasn't "No," and it could arguably have been taken as enthusiastic. Whatever it was not, it was definitely a second chance, and that was all that Paige could have asked for.

It was more than Paige would've gotten from Emily had she asked earlier in the week, and had she not kept in contact in the meantime. Emily respected the fact that Paige had been making an effort, and that Paige was acknowledging that Emily was justified in being upset. But, in the end, she agreed to keep their walking date because she knew that she and Paige needed to talk. She wasn't sure how that talk would go, or even whether or not it would be their last time walking together.

* * *

Paige made an effort to keep up the small talk as she and Emily walked together. They had deeper things to talk about, but those things were a little too much to discuss whiel they were walking quickly. And Paige didn't want to repeat her mistake from the previous walk - shutting Emily out and making things worse.

It was obvious that Paige was nervous – and even a little scared. It didn't help when she realized that she and Emily weren't holding hands, the way they usually did.

* * *

Paige smiled awkwardly as the two of them settled into their seats at The Brew. "So," she said, not looking up at Emily.

"So," Emily echoed. She was about a second away from taking over the conversation before Paige spoke again.

"Well, once again, I'm so sorry about the way that I behaved last week."

Emily nodded her head. "Forget it," she said flatly.

"No," Paige said evenly. "I can't forget it. I was behaving like a child, and it was very rude and unfair to you." She looked up and gave Emily a hopeful look.

Emily nodded once more. "It's okay," she said.

"The fact is, you were right. I was struggling with something, but I… it's never been easy for me to talk about… my personal life. And it wasn't fair to you," Paige said, turning her head to the side, her face full of self-loathing, "for me to clam up like that and… and then to take it out on you."

Emily sighed heavily. "I understand," she said, idly stirring her coffee, "if you don't want to talk to me about it. But it's obvious you need to talk to  _someone_  about it."

Paige tightened her lips and went for it. "How do you get a guy to break up with you?"

Emily angled her head a little, not sure why they had stopped the previous conversation. Then she realized that Paige had made the decision that Emily was the one to talk to about the problem in her personal life. "What do you mean?"

"Sean," Paige said, staring at the table in front of her. "He's a great guy and everything but… I don't know. I thought that, if I stuck it out with him, I could figure out how to be happy, but…" Paige put her palms flat against the table. "I don't know. I'm just fooling myself."

"So, you want  _him_  to break up with  _you_?"

Paige nodded. "I mean, I blow him off, I hardly give him any attention, we never go out, and when we do, I'm not the best company…"

Emily chuckled, shaking her head. "Paige, guys are a lot different from girls. Guys don't really pick up on subtlety. If you're not happy in the relationship, you need to break up with him."

Paige leaned back against the chair and tilted her head up towards the ceiling, as if Emily was telling her to do the impossible.

"Avoiding your problems never fixes anything," Emily said firmly. "And if Sean is a great guy, as you said, he deserves the truth. You have to be honest with him." Paige tightened her lips and shook her head. Emily had more to say. "And you have to be honest with yourself." Before Paige could reply, Emily put her hand on top of Paige's. It was time to practice what she was preaching. "Listen, Paige. I don't think that it's such a good idea for us to keep on getting together like this. It's obvious that you have some very big issues to deal with, and I'm not sure that I'm the one to help you with them."

Paige's jaw dropped. She felt as if she had the wind knocked out of her. She couldn't believe that she was still being punished for her bad behavior from the previous week. She had apologized, she had opened up to Emily, telling her her biggest fear and anxiety – but that didn't make a difference. "Emily, I…" Paige didn't even know what to say.

"Don't get me wrong, Paige. We're friends. That hasn't changed. I just think that you need some freedom to find yourself." Emily had experience being in the closet. And she had experience helping other closeted people. But she had reached an age where she was ready to put that all behind her. It was hard enough living out her life as a strong, gay woman without having to help someone else figure out how to do it. She knew that it seemed cruel, but she couldn't help it. And, deep down, she had faith that Paige was strong enough to learn to swim on her own.

Paige didn't argue. She just put her head down and turned inward. She felt as if she had been a blind journey all her life; not being able to see, at any of the forks in the road, where the diverging paths led, and with no one to help her find her way. Once again, as always, she would have to figure it out on her own.

* * *

Despite what Emily told her about the need to be honest with Sean, in the end, Paige did the opposite. Rather than being honest, she doubled down on their relationship. It wasn't an act of defiance against Emily, but an attempt to fill the role that Emily was no longer willing to fill in her life. She had lost Emily's friendship, the most important relationship in her life at that point. So, she turned to Sean, because she couldn't handle being completely alone. When she thought about it that way, she wasn't so different from Emily. Emily tried to fill the void with countless groupies. Paige was trying to fill it with one guy. Everyone compromises. It's only a question of scale.

Paige resolved to be the best girlfriend Sean could ever dream of. She would do whatever it took to ensure that she didn't mess things up with him the way she had messed things up with Emily. She gave herself fully to their relationship. And, when the time was right, she gave herself fully to Sean. It wasn't an altogether unpleasant experience. It was, quite simply, something that needed to be done – like getting a flu shot or eating one's vegetables. She may not have had the most solid reasons for taking that step with Sean, but she had taken it willingly. He hadn't taken advantage of her. Truth be told, Paige wanted it as much as he did. She knew that, if she could fake her way through sex with Sean, she could fake her way through anything else in their relationship.

It was a hollow victory. Paige kept hearing Emily's words in her ears. She had to be honest with herself.

It wasn't long afterwards that she broke the news to Sean. He handled it calmly and rationally, like an adult. Paige didn't have to get into the list of reasons that she had compiled in her head. She told him that it wasn't working for her, he acknowledged that it was probably for the best that they split up, and that was that.

And Paige became what her biggest fear had always been that she would become: Completely alone.

* * *

Emily, for her part, wasn't coping much better. She missed Paige. She missed their relationship. She missed relationships in general. She really wished that she had met Paige in another stage of their lives. Had they met when they were younger, Emily would have been eager to guide Paige on her journey to accepting and living the way she really was. Had they met when they were older, Paige, presumably, would already have settled in to her sexuality.

It had for Emily to make the decision to take a step back from her relationship with Paige, but living with that decision proved even harder. It wasn't like dropping one of the party girls from Emily's list of contacts. Whenever Emily did that, it merely created an opening for someone else, eager to get on Emily's list. But there was no one in line to step up and take Paige's place. Emily didn't have another friend like her.

So many times, during their first week apart, Emily, overcome with stress, picked up the phone to call Paige before she realized what she was doing. How could she expect Paige to comfort her and give her relationship advice, when it was the relationship with Paige that was the problem?

Emily was stuck. She was tired of feeling bad about Paige. She was tired of being alone. She was tired of being set up on dates. All in all, she was just tired.

* * *

"You should give it a shot," Toby said as he drove Emily to the Hungry Owl Café for their gig. "She really is a great girl. I know you two would hit it off."

Emily gritted her teeth and tried not to roll her eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean, she's… she's like... short, like that girl from the weird-ass web series."

Emily had to think it over. "You mean Elise Baumann?"

"Yeah, whatever her name is. And, you know, she's got glasses like Supergirl..."

"I kind of get the feeling that you didn't just come up with these examples on your own." Toby looked at her as if he didn't know what she was talking about. "Who was it? Hanna or Spencer?"

Toby turned his head towards Emily and gave an apologetic shrug. "Both," he admitted. "But that doesn't mean you wouldn't have a great time with Michelle."

Emily sighed. "Okay, I really appreciate what you – and they – are trying to do, but I'm just fine, thank you." Emily patted Toby on the leg.

"That's not what I heard," he muttered to himself.

"Excuse me?" Emily asked, accusingly.

* * *

"One date," Toby said, still talking about Michelle as he started to unload the band's equipment. Emily had stopped arguing. She hoped that her silence would convince Toby to drop it, but it wasn't working out that way. "What have you got to lose?"

Emily held the door open for him and followed him inside. She took a look around to gauge the crowd that had turned up for Karaoke night. It was a respectable turnout, but there was no guarantee that people would hang around to hear the band.

Emily took a second to evaluate what her life had become. Going from gig to gig, dive bar to dive bar, night after night, as she pursued her dream of making it in the music business was getting old. And going from girl to girl, bed to bed, as she pursued her dream of finding true love was definitely getting old.

Or maybe she was the one getting old.

It wasn't a coincidence that she started questioning everything after her split with Paige. There was definitely a huge hole in her life, without Paige there anymore. Even if there was never a chance that they could get together romantically, there was no question that what she and Paige had was special. Without Paige, her life felt empty. Toby had a point. What did she have to lose?

* * *

"I know a place, out on Chester Pike," Sydney yelled from the back row of the minivan.

Paige's fellow teachers and coaches had gotten tired of seeing her mope around the school after she broke things off with Sean – and with Emily. It was natural for them to think that the break-up with Sean was behind her sullen attitude, but, if they paid attention, they would have realized that Emily's name came up much more often than Sean's did whenever they talked to her.

Her friends decided that they were going to get her out of her funk, so, after Friday night's practice, they pub-crawled their way through Old City in Philadelphia. They hoped, as unlikely as it sounded, that Paige would be able to find someone in one of those pubs to take Sean's place. If nothing else, they thought, she would be able to take her mind off of him for a couple of hours, and, perhaps, remember what it felt like to be upbeat and happy.

They were all in a good mood – and all still single – when they decided to call it a night. All of them piled in Leanne's van for the ride home, since she, as the designated driver, was the only sober one. She had enough room in her house for them to bunk with her for the night, before catching Ubers back to their own homes in the morning.

But somewhere along the way, they decided that they weren't finished partying. That's when Sydney remembered the Hungry Owl, a place that, she knew, would be open well into the night. All eyes turned to Paige, to see whether she was game for another round or two before they headed back to Leanne's place.

"One drink," she said reluctantly, holding up a finger. She didn't mind being out a little longer, but she knew that she would regret it in the morning.

Paige's regret came much sooner, as they filed in the door and she saw a poster for Emily's band in a frame that announced the night's entertainment.

* * *

Paige stole a quick glance over to the stage. It was late, and, fortunately, the band had already wrapped up their set. Paige couldn't help her eyes from wandering over to the area where they were packing up their equipment. Emily, as usual, was surrounded by a flock of young ladies. Paige sank down in her seat when Emily looked up and over in the direction of her table, as if she had some kind of sixth-sense or radar that let her know when Paige was around. Paige hoped that she had been successful in hiding behind her friends, but, when she peeked up to see, she found herself looking right into the eyes of Emily Fields. Emily's eyes stayed on her for a moment before both women turned away.

There comes a time when you have to fight for what you want. Win or lose, at least you'll know you took your shot. Emily knew that it was time to take her shot.

"Excuse me…" Emily tapped on the microphone, to see whether or not it was still on. It screeched out a whistle of feedback, and Toby looked over from the sound booth, to ensure everything was okay.

"I know my bandmates have already packed up all of their gear," Emily said, trying to keep as brave a face as she could, "but I ran into an old friend recently, and it brought back the memory of a song that's always been there for me when I was at my lowest." Emily chuckled lightly. "A capella isn't my biggest strength," she pleaded into the microphone, "but here goes."

 _It kills me to say it_  
These are the days that I regret  
Never having said what could've been said  
While I had the time  
While you were still mine

Emily was standing on stage with her eyes closed, gripping the microphone stand a waist-level with both hands. Her face was crinkled up in pain, and her voice was full of emotion. She wasn't used to singing without the band to fill in the gaps between the phrases, but what the song lacked up in rhythm, Emily more than made up for with feeling.

 _Why didn't I speak?_  
Why didn't I tell you all you mean to me?  
Why didn't I tell you? Why didn't tell you?

Emily opened her eyes after the last phrase and looked straight at Paige. Paige held her gaze for a moment before she got up and headed for the exit, with her friends following behind her in a single file.


	8. Angry and Hurting

Emily was quiet on the ride home from the gig, looking out of the passenger side window and silently sobbing. She hoped that Toby wouldn't notice, in the dim light of the car, with her face turned away from him. But there was no way for him not to notice the way she occasionally swiped a stray tear away from her cheek; no way he could avoid hearing the sniffle that escaped every now and then. He didn't know what to say, though, so he drove in silence, pretending along with Emily that he didn't know that something was going on.

She had pretty much composed herself by the time he dropped her off at her apartment. He offered to walk her up to her door, but she forced a smile and assured him that she would be okay. He gave her a hug and told her how great the band sounded. He was about to bring up Michelle one more time, but he thought better of it. It seemed like the last thing Emily needed. He watched her walk to the lobby, waving back when she turned and waved before she went inside. Letting out a tense sigh, he reached for the phone in his back pocket. He didn't know what to do, but he knew someone who would.

* * *

Emily would have ignored the phone call had it been anybody else. It was late, and she had just had one of the worst nights of her life. She wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody. But this was Hanna. Emily took the call.

Hanna listened intently, even though Emily wasn't making any sense. They were a good ten minutes into the phone call before Emily really even spoke. The first ten minutes had been a series of long, deep sobs, with Emily starting to say something but being overcome with sadness.

"It was my  _Dad_ ," Emily kept repeating between her outbursts. "And he was going through a lot. So he didn't remember that I told him about Paige. Or, he... I don't know... put two and to together. But it was my Dad, not me. Why is she still punishing  _me_?"

Hanna couldn't remember having seen Emily this broken up about anyone, ever. She knew that Emily and Paige had a special friendship, but she'd thought that Paige was her replacement: The straight friend who was always there for Emily, now that Hanna was off in New York. It was obvious, from the way Emily was behaving, that there was much more to it.

Hanna drove all night to be there in Rosewood for Emily. Emily didn't ask her to; in fact, she tried to talk her out of it, assuring her that she would be okay. But she couldn't deny that she felt better with Hanna there. Hanna couldn't fix her problems with Paige, but she could help her heart to heal.

The next morning, Emily got up and walked to The Brew to pick up some coffee and pastries for the two of them. She was confused when she saw a car that looked exactly like Paige's in the parking lot. It didn't make any sense; it had been weeks since the last time she and Paige had taken their Sunday morning stroll through Rosewood. Emily took a quick look around the place when she got inside, and, sure enough, Paige was sitting at a table in the far corner with a faint, fearful smile on her face. Emily looked just long enough to make sure that Paige knew that she had seen her before she turned her back on her and headed to the counter to put in her order.

Emily's mood went from depressed to angry in a matter of seconds, once she saw Paige. She knew that Paige was there to see her, of course, but she didn't care. She wasn't in the mood for more of Paige's head games – ghosting her for weeks, and then showing up like a stalker at The Hungry Owl, and now The Brew. Paige probably had another dramatic disappearing act in store for her, to kick her while she was down.

Paige took some deep breaths, steeling herself for what she was about to do. She knew that Emily was going to be upset with her, and that she had every right to be. She had been psyching herself up for her big apology. She turned around to reach for the flowers in the chair next to her, turning back towards the counter just as Emily turned around. When Paige saw her - with two coffees and a pastry box - her heart sank. She lost all of her resolve. Emily glared at her, as if daring her to come and say something, but, by then, it didn't matter. It was game-over. Paige, already defeated, slunk down in her seat.

Of all the things that Paige had prepared for, she wasn't prepared to see Emily picking up breakfast for two. Emily never had overnight guests after her late-night gigs. Paige knew that. Whoever this one was, she must have been special, if Emily not only took her home after a long, exhausting night, but also got up early and went out to buy her breakfast.

Paige had never felt so stupid in her life. She folded her hands in front of her on the table, with a stare that almost burned a hole in the tabletop. She sat there until she was sure that Emily was out of the area, then grabbed the flowers and stormed out. The garbage can outside The Brew made a lovely vase.

* * *

Emily didn't bother to tell Hanna about seeing Paige in The Brew. She didn't want to go down that same path of anger and sorrow again. She rarely got to see Hanna in person anymore, and she didn't want to waste their time together with more moping and tears. Not that they were doing anything special – just hanging out and not-watching TV together. Hanna was flipping channels between shows like a toddler with ADD who had just figured out that the buttons on the remote were what made the channels dance. Emily was trying out new looks for her hair, making faces into the camera on her phone. It felt a lot like the good old days, back in Rosewood. Life seemed so much simpler back then, though, if they were honest, things were never really simple in Rosewood back then.

Emily muted the TV when her phone rang. It was her mother calling.

Hanna kept right on flipping through the channels.

"Emmy? Were you at The Brew this morning?"

"Yes," Emily sighed. She was pretty sure this had something to do with Paige – just when she had almost managed to forget about their last two encounters.

"Well, did you leave something?"

"Leave something?" Emily had no patience for Pam's insinuations.

"Some flowers?"

"Some… Mom, what are you talking about?"

"Your Dad and I saw a bunch of purple tulips in the garbage can outside The Brew. We figured your server must've tried to catch you when you left without them, but, when she couldn't catch you, she just threw them in the trash."

"You… I…" Emily was profoundly confused. "Are you sure they were purple tulips?"

"Emmy, I'm pretty sure I know purple tulips when I see them!"

"Well, was there a note?"

"A note? I was supposed to look for a note? Honey, were they yours or not?"

"I… They…" Emily took a deep breath. "Mom? I'm going to have to call you back…"

Emily held the phone against her chest as the wheels started turning in her head. What she was thinking didn't make sense. She didn't even remember ever having told Paige that purple tulips were her favorite flower. Then again, she and Paige talked about so many things. And it would have been a huge coincidence if there were purple tulips in the trash can, if it had nothing to do with her and Paige.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," Emily whimpered softly, over and over.

"Em? What happened?"

Emily looked at Hanna, not really seeing her, and then looked at her phone. "I have to call her!" Before she could, Hanna grabbed her phone.

"You have to call her?"

"Paige!" Emily insisted, reaching for her phone as Hanna jerked it away.

"No, you don't, Emily. You need to stop and think about what you're doing."

"My Mom found purple tulips in the trash can at The Brew!" Emily practically screamed.

"So? What is that supposed to be, some kind of sign?"

"Paige was at The Brew!"

"I…" Hanna did a doubletake. "She was?"

"Yes!" Emily cried desperately.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, Hanna!" Emily just wanted her phone. Not a discussion.

"Well, what did she say?"

"She didn't say anything! I didn't give her a chance! I just glared at her and walked out with our breakfast…" Emily gasped. "Oh, my God! She thinks I was buying breakfast for someone…"

"But, you  _were_  buying breakfast for someone!"

"No, she thinks I had someone over last night…"

"You  _did_  have someone over last night!" Hanna knew that Emily was dazed and confused after what happened the night before, but she couldn't understand this short-term memory loss.

"No, Hanna! A  _girl!_  She thinks I had a girl over!" Hanna opened her mouth, but Emily interrupted, "And don't say 'But you  _did_  have a girl over!'"

Hanna didn't say it, but she wanted to.

"Uggh!" Emily grunted. She didn't need this. She just needed Hanna to give her her phone back.

"Hanna, listen carefully," she said, pretending to be patient. "Paige drove all the way out to Rosewood to see me. And she brought me flowers. But I didn't even talk to her. And then she saw me buying breakfast… for  _two!"_

"Shit, Em," Hanna said sincerely, finally catching on. "You've got to call her!"

"I know!" Emily complained, stretching out her hand.

"Oh, right!" Hanna chuckled and handed over Emily's phone. Emily headed to her bedroom and closed the door.

"Hi, Paige. It's… Emily. Listen, we really need to talk… Shit!" Emily canceled the message. She sounded too mean; demanding. She pretty much knew that Paige wasn't going to pick up the phone. She should've prepared her thoughts before she called. She punched the number again, but canceled the call before it went through. She wasn't going to be  _that_  girl, the desperate one who called over and over again, pleading for attention.

A text would be better anyway.

" _We need to talk."_  She deleted it. It sounded too pushy.

" _Hey, can we talk?"_  Deleted. Too casual. This was definitely not casual.

" _I'm really sorry about earlier."_  Deleted. She  _was_  sorry, but she was also mad. Why should she be the one to apologize, when Paige was the one who was being so bitchy about everything?

Emily rubbed her temples. She didn't even feel like apologizing anymore. Paige had made her feel like such a fool, putting her heart on the line in front of everybody in the bar, and then having to watch as Paige just walked out and pretended that she wasn't even there.

" _Fuck you, Paige! Don't answer the phone – just keep being a little bitch about everything!"_  Deleted. Like,  _really_  deleted. Emily couldn't deny that it was what she was feeling (at least a part of her was feeling it), but one thing she had learned through painful experience was that not everything that you feel necessarily needs to be said.

And then Emily remembered the flowers. Paige had bought her flowers. She had managed to find a flower shop that was open early in the morning – and that had purple tulips. Paige must've felt like such a fool when Emily just walked out – exactly the way that Emily had felt. She probably thought that Emily was doing it for revenge, but Emily wouldn't have wished that feeling on anyone.

It was all too confusing. Her emotions were all over the place. She took a deep breath and headed out to the living room, where Hanna was. It was too soon, she decided, for her to contact Paige. She needed to let her feelings settle down – and she needed to know exactly what she was feeling – before she talked to Paige. Otherwise, she risked doing even more damage to their relationship.

* * *

Paige just needed to get away. She had made such a mess of things – not just with Emily, but with all of her relationships. She couldn't deny that she'd had a good thing going with Sean. He was decent, caring, and funny. It didn't matter that she didn't love him. After all, love is only one reason to get married. There were plenty others. Women had been marrying men for centuries without being in love with them. Even if it wasn't love, she could have been happy with Sean. What if he was her last shot at happiness?

And she had picked a fight with Emily over something stupid, and she let that get in the way of their friendship. But, the more she thought about it, it wasn't stupid. Emily had really hurt her. It hurt to know that she meant so little to Emily that Emily never talked to her father, and told her how she had been the one who helped her get through that difficult time. She was sure that Emily and Wayne talked about that night. It hurt to know that her name never came up. And it hurt to have Emily to ignore her at The Brew. Except, that wasn't really it. Paige got why Emily acted that way, and Paige realized that deserved it, after the way she had behaved at The Hungry Owl the night before. No; what truly hurt was the way that Emily taunted her with the coffees and the pastries, putting her in her place, letting her know that she was getting along just fine without her. Emily had to know that Paige had feelings for her, after all the conversations they'd had about sexuality and boys – and after Paige broke up with Sean. What other reason would Paige have had for breaking up with him? And the very fact that she had gone to Rosewood early on a Saturday and waited for Emily at The Brew had to count for something.

That thought reminded Paige why she had gone there in the first place: To apologize to Emily for the night before. Emily had taken a huge step, herself, and had put her feelings on the line, in a very public, very vulnerable way. It was no wonder she had felt hurt, and had sought comfort in the arms of a strange woman – not unlike the way that Paige herself had sought comfort in Sean's arms after her big fight with Emily. Someone had to break that cycle of being hurt and hurting the other. It wasn't fair on either of them, and it wasn't working for either of them.

But there was one factor that weighed much more than anything else in Paige's decision to make a move: She really missed Emily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that some of you wanted Paige to turn around and go back into the bar after Emily'sbold gesture, and I could definitely see that... Unfortunately, they're not quite there yet. Soon, though... :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Deja Vu

Emily couldn't believe where she found herself: Perched on a barstool, fidgeting with her drink, waiting for her blind date. Again. At least she was in a more upscale restaurant this time. If nothing else, she would get a good meal out of it.

She didn't know why she had let herself get talked into it again. Toby and Spencer had worn her down. She had obviously been miserable since that weekend fiasco with Paige. She hadn't been on a date in ages, and that included groupies and one-night-stands. She just hadn't been in the mood. Her whole life seemed void; empty. It was no wonder Spencer and Toby were so intent on setting her up.

Then again, in the state of mind that Emily was in, there was no way that she would be good company on a date.

Emily turned towards the bar when she heard it slam shut and her mood changed. Seeing Paige at the door, she immediately went from dour and depressed to enraged.  _What the fuck is she doing here?_  Emily thought. It was beyond belief.

She gave Paige a long scowl to head her off, just in case she had been foolish enough to consider coming over and trying to talk to her. Once she'd made her point, she swiveled her barstool back towards the bar. But, soon, reflected in the mirror behind the bar, she saw someone moving towards her. She bounced off of her stool and turned to confront Paige, her fists balled up in anger. "What are you doing here?" she spat, all of her anger from the past two weeks coming out at once.

Paige just stood there, staring at Emily like a zombie on Prozac.

Emily gave a grunt her frustration. "I don't have time for this! I'm meeting someone, and…"

Whatever else Emily had planned to say in protest died in her throat. Paige grabbed her firmly by the shoulders and kissed her, hard. It was so wrong; so obnoxious of Paige, after everything that had happened, to think that she could just walk up and kiss Emily like that. Emily could have backed her away with one simple push, but she didn't. She let it happen. And kissed her back.

Emily wasn't sure what she was feeling in that moment. There was still a lot of anger, for sure. But there was also relief. And the adrenaline level was definitely high – on both sides. Emily could feel the heat radiating from Paige's body as Paige held on and kept on kissing her.

When it was over, they stood staring at each other like two prizefighters before a bout. Emily turned and grabbed her purse, grabbing Paige with her other hand. "Let's get the hell out of here."

* * *

Paige knew right away that she was no longer in charge of the situation. This was Emily's show. They didn't exchange any more words until Emily was backing out of her parking space. Without turning to look at Paige, she asked, "Your car?"

Paige, lost in thought, still trying to figure out her next move, stuttered out, "I'll… uh… I'll get it in the morning."

Emily turned looked at her with an eyebrow raised.

"I mean…" Paige dropped her shoulders and exhaled helplessly. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah," Emily said with a smirk as she put her car into gear. "I know exactly what you mean."

Emily drove to the place where it had all started, back to the bar where they had first met. Back to the scene of the crime. She asked for a booth in the far corner. Paige understood why. "Okay," she conceded. "I guess we need to talk."

Emily nodded.

"Mind if I go first?"

Emily extended her hands, as if to say, "Go ahead."

"Okay, well. I guess you know that I… was… attracted to you from the start." Paige peeked up at Emily's eyes, to see how she was reacting. "From that first night. At the bar over there."

Emily's eyes were wide. She hadn't known that at all.

Paige continued. "But I kept… pushing it down. I kept telling myself that it wasn't real – or that it didn't matter. First, I was with Sean. And then, after he and I broke up, I told myself that it didn't matter, because you weren't interested in a relationship, and I could never compete with all of the other girls on your list." Paige shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't proud of what she was admitting, but she needed to let Emily know the truth. "And then, that night, when you sang that song at The Hungry Owl…" Paige sighed, looking away from Emily. "I was put in a corner. I couldn't deny it anymore, and I couldn't make any excuses. For the first time, I had to confront the fact that it was real; that I was actually attracted to a woman, and that we could actually end up…" Paige took a moment to choose her words. She didn't want to overstate things and seem presumptuous. "… going out." After another deep breath, she made her closing statement. "That's why I walked out, Em. I didn't know how to handle what I was feeling, and it wasn't right, and it was unfair to you, and I should've explained it to you. And I'm sorry." Paige ran a hand through her hair. "I know that I say that all the time, because I keep fucking things up, but..." With a sigh, she concluded, "I'm sorry." She looked into Emily's eyes and put her palms up on the table, to signify that she had finished, then quickly looked away and dipped her head.

Emily's face wasn't giving anything away. She wasn't angry anymore, but she was trying to process everything that she had just learned. "Wow," she said at last. "I… I had no idea."

"I'm sorry."

Emily could see the tears forming in Paige's eyes. She took Paige's hand, and Paige looked up at her. "It's okay," she assured her. Releasing Paige's hand, she sat back in her seat and said, "I guess I have some explaining to do, too." Paige nodded once. "Okay, well, that next morning, at The Brew?" Emily sighed. Paige turned her head aside, not really wanting to hear about that morning. "I was really angry and hurt, and that's why I…"

Paige stopped her. "You don't need to explain, Emily." Paige had already beaten herself up over the fact that her stupidity had driven Emily into bed with someone else. She didn't want details.

Emily remembered what Paige had seen, and why it made her so anxious. "Oh," she said softly. "Paige, the breakfast was for Hanna." Paige's jaw dropped in surprise and relief. "Toby told Hanna that I was upset, and Hanna drove all night to be there for me."

"I'm sorry," Paige repeated, and Emily repeated that it was okay.

"But I just left you sitting there because what you did really hurt me. And I guess I wanted you to be hurt, too."

Paige nodded. "I understand."

"But it was childish and stupid to retaliate like that, and I shouldn't have done it."

"It's okay," Paige said, echoing Emily's words. "After all, I deserved it."

"No," Emily said emphatically. "I didn't deserve it from you, and you didn't deserve it from me."

"You're right."

"Paige..." Emily took Paige's hands. "I'm truly sorry."

Paige nodded.

"And I didn't know about the flowers. If I'd known, I never would have…" Emily trailed off.

"The flowers?" Paige pretended not to know what Emily was talking about. She had been beating herself up about what a stupid idea it had been to buy them ever since that day. By the time Emily mentioned them, Paige was so embarrassed about them that her first instinct was to try to deny it, even though she knew that Emily wouldn't be fooled.

Emily looked straight into Paige's eyes, confronting Paige with an unrelenting stare for lying like that. Paige looked away. "Paige," Emily said with some urgency in her tone, "you have a real problem with the truth."

"I know, Em. Believe me, it's something I've thought a lot about lately " Paige paused, looking up at the ceiling. "I guess that, after living a lie for so long, it just kind of became second nature. Or a defense mechanism. I don't know "

Emily nodded in understanding. "Well, you can be honest with me," she said softly.

"Okay."

"So, the flowers?"

"I wanted you to know that I was sincere. And I knew they were your favorite, so..."

"Yeah. They are." Emily squeezed Paige's hand. "Thank you."

"But you didn't see them next to me?" Emily shook her head. "So, how did you know about them?"

"My parents went to The Brew later that morning, and they saw the flowers in the trash. My Mom assumed that I had forgotten them, and someone tried to track me down, and, when I drove off, just threw them in the trash." Paige, embarrassed at the fit of rage that made her through the flowers out, couldn't even look at Emily. Emily took her hand, stroking it with her thumb. "Paige, that was so incredibly sweet. How did you even find purple tulips that early in the morning? How did you know they were my favorite?"

Paige chuckled, embarrassed that she remembered, when Emily didn't. "Well, you know that word association game we used to play, to keep ourselves going when we were near the end of the run?" Emily nodded. "Well, this one time, I said, 'Purple,' and you said, 'Tulip,' and I said, 'Flower,' and you said, 'Favorite.'" Paige shrugged. I guess I assumed they were your favorite.

"You assumed right," Emily said softly.

Paige still felt embarrassed over the fact that she had been hanging on Emily's every word, when the exchange wasn't even significant enough for Emily to remember. She quickly switched gears. "What did you tell your mom when she asked about them?"

"Nothing, at first," Emily admitted. "I just made an excuse and got off of the phone. And Hanna and I had a no-stress, no-relationship day, where we just put love and romance totally out of our mind and had fun. Afterwards, I told my Mom the whole story about the weekend."

"Oh," Paige said softly. She shifted in her seat, uncrossing her legs and crossing them again. "And what did she say?"

"She told me that I needed to move on. She said if anything was supposed to come of you and me, it would happen, but, for now, I needed to focus on myself." Paige nodded. She knew that it was her fault. Everything, in her opinion, was her fault. "But it wasn't easy," Emily admitted. "I was miserable. And that's how I ended up at En Banc tonight, waiting for a blind date." Emily suddenly remembered that she had stranded Michelle at the bar. Overcome with guilt, she reached for her phone. "Shit – I should call Toby and make up some kind of excuse."

Paige took her hand. "It's fine, Em."

"But I can't just…"

"Em." Paige gave her hand a squeeze. "It's fine. That's what she gets for keeping a beautiful woman waiting."

Emily smiled and shook her head, but she put the phone away. "So what were you doing there tonight, anyway?"

"I… uh…" Paige frowned. "Well," she said slowly, "I could lie and tell you that I knew you'd be there, but the truth is, I was meeting a blind date."

"Oh, you were not!" Emily pushed Paige playfully.

Paige shrugged her shoulders. "I know, I mean... what are the chances?" Paige took Emily's hand. "You know, Em, one of the biggest regrets of my life these past two years was that I didn't let you think I was your date that first night in the bar. I knew from the moment I saw you that I wanted to be your date " Paige dipped her head. "I know it would've started us off with a lie, but..."

"We would've figured something out."

I kept wishing I had a do-over, but I never actually believed I would. I mean, how often does life give you a chance to rewrite your story?"

"Not often," Emily agreed with a smile.

"So, when I saw you there tonight, I knew I had to come over and talk to you."

"Only we didn't do any talking."

Paige shrugged her shoulders. "I couldn't come up with anything. I mean, what could you possibly say at a time like that?" She paused, as if waiting for Emily to come up with an answer to that question. "But, once you started yelling at me," Paige admitted guiltily, "I figured it might be my last chance to kiss you." Paige bit her lip apologetically. "So I kissed you."

Emily leaned across the table with a wry smile. "That was my best blind date ever!"

* * *

There was one more thing that Emily needed to get off of her chest, and it wasn't going to be easy. "Paige, you mentioned… the girls on my list." Paige nodded slowly. She could see that Emily was concerned about whatever point she was making. "Does it… does it bother you that I… kind of…"

"That you had a lot of girls on your list?"

"That I slept around, Paige," Emily blurted out. There was no need to sugar-coat it. "That I had a lot of girls, period."

"Oh."

Paige furrowed her brow and gave the question the attention that it deserved. Emily, concerned over Paige's silence, began filling in the blanks. "It was kind of like an addiction, you know? First it was kind of fun, to think that these women would be interested in you, then, you find excuses – you're lonely; you just need to feel something; you're horny; you're just having some fun. But it wasn't until I started to get to know you that I began asking myself what the hell I was doing, and how empty my life had to be for me to try to find fulfillment with all those hook-ups." Emily chewed on her lower lip. "Paige, if I had to do it over again…"

Paige took hold of Emily's hands. "We all have things that we would do over if we could, but we can't. The only thing we can do is learn from those things. And we can be happy that we are who we are today, because those are the experiences that have shaped us into what we are."

Emily reversed the position on their hands, so that she was clasping Paige's hands. "I get that," she said, softly. "But if it ends up costing me a chance at… us…"

Paige stroked Emily's cheek. "Em, I knew about all those girls. And I'm here, aren't I?"

Emily shifted her position her head so that she could kiss Paige's palm. "Thank you," she said, barely above a whisper.

"Listen. We've both got things in our past that we're not proud of. So, how about we just declare ourselves even, from this point forward? Whatever's in our past is in our past. Deal?"

Emily broke into a smile. "Okay." Emily started to relax a bit. "But you must have some pretty big skeletons in your closet if you're so eager to offer me that deal." Paige laughed at the comment. "So, what was it, Paige? Did you drown some baby kittens? Kill a man just to watch him die?"

Paige kept laughing, relieved that Emily was able to make a joke out of the situation that had been stressing her out moments before. "Well, it was much worse," she deadpanned. "You know those tags on pillows that say, "Do not remove under penalty of law?"

Emily leaned across the table, putting her face right in front of Paige. "Oh, just kiss me, you bad girl!"


	10. Square One

Paige and Emily settled back into their seats and relaxed. It felt good, after all the highs and lows of the evening, from the adrenaline-fueled kiss to the painful confessions, and the teary-eyed apologies.

Emily looked at Paige with a smile that gave away how embarrassed she was about what she was going to say. "Okay, do you want to hear something pathetic?"

"I would love to hear something pathetic."

"Well, back when I was running around with all those groupies, I was looking for a girl like you. Someone whom I could connect with; someone who wasn't just my body, or the fact that I was in a band; someone who wanted to be with me, for me."

"Aww..." Paige squeezed Emily's hand. "That's not pathetic, Em. That's... that's kind of sweet."

'Wait, I haven't gotten to the pathetic part yet." Emily squeezed Paige's hand for support. "So, after that night when we met, I literally went looking for you. I tried to find you on Instagram and facebook - which isn't as easy as it sounds, when you don't know someone's last name. And I didn't even know whether liked girls or not."

"You figured it out before I did."

Emily laughed lightly, nodding her head as she continued her story. "And then I went back to the bar, and asked the bartender whether he remembered Paige, who ordered the gin and tonic."

"You tracked me down?"

"I tried to. I thought I was never going to see you again. But then, when you showed up at the fundraiser for the Art Museum, I thought it was fate. But you were with Sean..."

"I guess it was fate, though, don't you think? I mean, that's how we became friends."

Emily smiled. "I guess it was."

* * *

Paige and Emily agreed that they needed to spend some time reconnecting as friends before they could think about anything deeper. It was Paige's idea, and Emily went along with it, not wanting to push too hard. She could see Paige's point - something about how they never really progressed through the stages that go from friendship to relationship - but she wasn't pleased about it. It was a setback, but Emily decided that, in the long run, it was better to take it slowly than to risk scaring Paige away.

Emily's mind cued up the lines from a scene between Tara and Willow on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

_It's a long, important process._

Emily knew how important it was. After all, this wasn't just a new relationship for Paige. It was an entirely new lifestyle.

_Couldn't we just skip it?_

But she and Paige had known each other so long – and so well. Did all of that count for nothing? Couldn't they just pick up where they'd left off?

_Couldn't we just be kissing each other right now?_

Oh, God, how much she wanted that. She just wanted to hit the FAST-FORWARD button – or at least the PLAY button. Just not the PAUSE button. And especially not REWIND.

* * *

As they left the restaurant, Emily suddenly and without warning backed Paige against the wall and kissed her, long and hard. When the kiss was over, Paige did her best to keep from smiling. She wasn't complaining about the kiss, but she didn't know where it came from. "What, uh… what was that for?" she asked shyly.

"I just wanted to see how it felt to be the one on the giving end of the shock-kiss, instead of the receiving end, for once!"

Paige dipped her head, smiling at Emily's explanation. From her perspective, it felt pretty good to be on the receiving end, too.

They got into Emily's car and set out. Paige pointed to her left as Emily headed through an intersection, noting that that Emily had missed the turn for En Banc.

"You said you were going to pick your car up in the morning," Emily reminded her impatiently, her eyes not straying from the road in front of her.

"I know, Em, but we both know that it would be wiser…"

"Paige, it's fine," Emily said, pushing the hair away from her face. You can pick up your car in the morning. We'll figure something out for tonight."

* * *

Paige paced nervously as Emily used a blanket and some sheets and a pillow to try to make her couch into a bed. "Paige, this is ridiculous," Emily said. "What do you think's going to happen? We're both so exhausted…" Emily was sure that she would be asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

"I know," Paige said, raising a hand. "I know nothing would happen. But I'm just going through so many emotions and so much confusion right now, I just… I don't want to put myself into a position to do something I'm not ready for."

"Okay," Emily said, drawing out the word. She stretched out her arms and exhaled, adding, with an overflow of sarcasm to lighten the mood, "Do you think it would be tempting fate too much if we had a good-night hug?"

Paige smiled, sarcastically whispering, "I suppose that would be okay."

Emily fell comfortably into Paige's arms. There was just something about it; perhaps Paige's freshly scrubbed scent, the familiar feel of Emily's head on Paige's shoulder, perhaps; or maybe the strength that Emily could feel in Paige's arms, even in a casual hug. "Paige!" she said urgently, as she backed away from the hug with a shy chuckle. Paige may have had a point. It was probably too soon for them to think they could spend the night in bed together without getting in over their heads.

* * *

Emily was surprised that she had been able to fall asleep that night. She was up early the next morning, too keyed up to sleep. She decided to check on Paige.

Paige, despite the slightest scowl in the form of a crease in her forehead between her eyebrows, looked so peaceful, asleep on the couch. Her chest was slowly rising and falling underneath the blanket and her lips were slightly parted. Emily wondered what she was dreaming about. She sat next to her, in an open space on the couch, and placed her hand on Paige's hair. Paige tensed at the touch, but, as Emily's hand slid from the hair down to Paige's cheek, the scowl line disappeared from Paige's face and she snuggled up against the pillow that she was clutching to her stomach.

Emily realized that this was what she wanted. She wanted to be the one who smoothed out Paige's brow. Chased away her demons. Would it be so wrong to wake Paige with a kiss? Emily lowered her face to Paige's, then backed away, trying to find the right angle. She quickly adjusted and leaned in again just as Paige stirred.

"Hey," Paige said sleepily, "What's going on?"

Emily smiled guiltily. "I… uh… I was just checking that you were okay."

Paige leaned up on her elbow, and Emily, realizing where her hand still was, let it slide off of Paige's face. "Not too creepy," Paige observed, with a smile.

"I was  _worried_  about you," Emily whined, placing both hands on the side of Paige's face. "I know it couldn't be comfortable out here on this couch all night." Emily had her face right in front of Paige's, so close that she was daring Paige not to kiss her.

Emily's hands felt warm and gentle against of Paige's face. It was so much different than what Paige was used to with Sean. So much softer. So much better.

Paige took Emily's and held them, gently lifting them away from her face as she scooted into a sitting position. "What time is it?" she said with a big yawn, which was as much about catching her breath as she recovered from the rush of Emily's touch as it was about how tired she was.

"Early," Emily said. "I couldn't sleep."

"Come on," Paige said, standing up and pulling Emily to her feet. "I'll buy you breakfast."

* * *

Paige felt a sense of accomplishment as they drove to pick up breakfast and her car. They had passed the first test. They had made it through the night without jumping over any milestones.

The ride was silent, for the most part. Emily was trying to figure out how this new arrangement was going to work. She knew that she couldn't handle too many more nights like that last one. The problem wasn't just how long it had been since she had spent the night with someone. It was that she and Paige had such a strong connection. She knew that they weren't going to jump into bed with each other at the drop of a hat. That wasn't even what she wanted. But she didn't want to pretend that there had never been anything between them, either.

_Couldn't we just skip it? Could you just be kissing me right now?_

Sometimes, Emily wished she were on a TV show. Things were so much easier – and faster – than they were in real life.

* * *

"So, Paige," Emily began, setting her menu aside, "what exactly does it mean, reconnecting as friends?"

"What don't you understand about it?"

Emily closed her eyes and reminded herself to be patient. She didn't want to lose Paige. "Like, what does it mean? Are we back to square one? Are we just supposed to forget that we ever kissed – or ever wanted to?"

"I thought you were on board with this, Em. I thought we agreed…"

"Paige. I'm on board with giving you as much time as you need." Emily put her hand up, signaling she wanted a redo. "Giving  _us_  as much time as  _we_ need." She didn't want to make it seem that she was only doing this for Paige. It was something that they both needed. At least, Paige saw it that way. "But I just want to know," she continued, "is this going to be a long time, a short time, a medium time – what?"

"Are you saying that a long time would be a deal breaker for you?"

"I'm not saying anything. I'm just… frustrated, because we've already wasted a lot of time not going after what we really want, and I just want to know…"

"How much more time we're going to waste?" There was bitterness in Paige's tone.

"No, Paige." Emily grabbed Paige's hands. "That's not what I'm saying at all. It's just… Life is short, you know? I mean, it's spring now, and we could, I don't know – go down to DC and catch the cherry blossoms, or head down the shore before tourist season or… You know. Any number of things. But I'm just afraid that we're going to let this spring go by, and then the summer, and… by the time we finally get together, we'll be asking ourselves – my goodness, why did we let the whole year go by when we could've been together?"

"We can still do those things!"

"Okay, but I want to do them  _together._  Not just as friends. Arm in arm. Like a couple."

"I want that, too, Emily!"

"So, this whole… reconnecting thing…"

"I guess… I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's not the best way to go. Maybe we can just keep going the way we're going, but just take it slowly."

"So… kissing?"

Paige put her hands in her lap and smiled a shy smile. "I would like that."

Emily's smile was eager. "I would like that, too!" She rubbed Paige's shoulder. "So, we'll take it slowly."

Paige nodded. "But, Em. I… just remember, this is all new territory to me. I don't know how to navigate, or what the boundaries are. It's just, I"m flying blind, you know? And I don't want to get too far off course."

"Okay," Emily said softly. "I understand. And that's fine. We don't have to go fast, as long as we can go together."

* * *

Paige and Emily's friendship was a kind of torture for Emily. Paige, worried that she would let herself lose control, avoided almost all physical contact, even the things that they used to do back before they were in a relationship. Despite what Paige had said, kissing was pretty much out of the question. There was the occasional peck, but if it led to another, or to anything beyond simple lip-to-lip contact, Paige backed away, throwing her hands up and saying the six words Emily grew to hate: Let's slow things down a little.

Emily reminded herself why she needed to be patient with Paige. After all, when Paige began to be honest with herself about who she was, she was much older than Emily had been, when she first admitted to herself who she was and what she was feeling. At thirteen, Emily was confused about a lot of things, and a lot more open to reevaluating her world. Paige, in her mid-twenties, was getting set in her ways; past the developmental stage of middle and high school, past the experimental stage of college. And she had been in denial for so long. Old habits die hard.

As frustrating as it was, for Emily, that Paige was older, Emily was glad that she, herself, was older, though. Back in high school, she had little patience for girls who were still in that "hiding and deciding" phase of their sexuality. Back then, she feared that girls like that would tempt her to go back into the closet. But, at twenty-four, she was confident of who she was, and she knew that there was no going back. Even more than that, she knew that someone like Paige was worth waiting for. She hadn't found a similar connection in all of her blind dates, and certainly not in her hook-ups.  _Her hook ups._  She ached for the opportunity to be with Paige, almost to the point of physical pain. Since she and Paige had decided to make a go of it, Emily hadn't been tempted or even interested in anything sexual with anyone other than Paige. But she was definitely interested in something sexual with Paige. She was interested in  _everything_  sexual with Paige.  _Really_  interested. After they spent time together, Emily got used to taking cold showers in an attempt to cool herself down, but they didn't really work. On more than one long, lonely night, she ended up taking matters into her own hands.

 


	11. Three Days of Rain

In some ways, the drive up to the Poconos seemed like old times, when Paige and Emily were friends, without all of the confusion and skittishness that got added to their relationship once they decided to that they could be more than friends. The conversation in the car was natural and unforced, and they even playfully argued and teased each other about their choice of music and of restaurants for their driving breaks. But something seemed not quite right. Perhaps it was just Emily projecting her nervousness on the situation, but Paige to be seemed wary; on edge. Emily couldn't help recall how hard she'd had to push to get Paige to agree to join her for a three-day weekend getaway in the first place.

But Emily wasn't just nervous because of Paige. She was nervous about the plans that she'd made. Taking it slowly was proving to be torture for her. Her feelings for Paige were so strong that she couldn't handle the game of red-light/green-light that they were engaged in. Once her motor started revving, it wasn't easy just to slam on the brakes.

Emily decided not to live in her fears. And she wasn't going to push it. She thought that the solitude, the mountains, and the wine would help her set a mood, but, if it didn't, they would be okay. She would be okay. It certainly couldn't set them back any further than where they were, which still felt like square one, although Emily knew it wasn't fair to think that way.

When they were about ninety minutes away from the timeshare cabin that they'd rented through a service on the internet, it started to rain – hard. The visibility was poor, and the mountain roads were slick. Emily kept suggesting to Paige that they should pull over, but Paige wanted to press on. She just needed to get there.

Paige was apprehensive about spending an entire weekend alone with Emily. She wasn't sure that she could trust herself. And she didn't know how to take the next step if, in fact, that's what ended up happening. She only knew that she had to get to the cabin – to face the challenge head-on. This in-between time was killing her. It was like the moment between getting into position and hearing the starter's pistol, before a big race. That split second could last an eternity.

Paige hated being in between. Whatever was going to happen, she needed to get to it.

It wasn't late, but the skies were dark from the rain by the time they pulled up to the housing office and picked up the keys for the cabin. Between the dash from the car to the office and the dash from the car to the cabin, they were soaked by the time they got the front door open. Emily told Paige that they should wait for a break in the rain before they unloaded the car, but Paige was insistent.

"Take an umbrella!" Emily argued, once she realized that Paige wasn't going to be dissuaded from going out into the rain again.

"Can't," Paige replied. "I need both hands for our stuff."

"Well, let me help you. I can at least hold an umbrella."

"You stay here."

"Paige… you're going to get soaked."

Paige turned around with a smile. "Em, I'm pretty sure I'm waterproof." With a wink, she added, "I used to be a swimmer, remember?"

* * *

As it turned out, they would have been waiting for a long time, had Paige given in and held off on getting the luggage until the rain stopped. The rain never stopped coming down.

Emily, who was in a nightshirt and pretty much dry by the time Paige got everything inside, sat Paige down on the couch and, sitting cross-legged, with her knees against Paige's back, took Paige's hair down and ran a towel through it. Paige had also gotten out of her wet clothes, but she was still soaked through. Emily started working a brush through Paige's hair, snapping Paige's head back with the long, steady strokes. The soothing feeling of the brush through her hair and the incessant rhythm of the rain against the steel gutters had a hypnotic effect on Paige, who was already worn out from the long drive. Emily picked up on the way that Paige put her hand on her neck and rotated it, to work out some of the kinks. "Here," she said. Stretching out her legs so that Paige was between them. Emily scooted closer and began massaging Paige's neck and shoulders.

Emily knew the unwritten, unspoken rules: She was supposed to avoid any sort of intimate contact, because it made Paige uncomfortable. But she couldn't help it. She felt protective of Paige; she wanted to soothe her. Paige had worn herself out driving them up to the cabin. Emily couldn't be faulted for wanting to make it better.

This wasn't just a devious part of Emily's plan to get Paige to get over her inhibitions and loosen up. It was way too soon for that.

As Emily rubbed her shoulders, Paige began letting out husky, contented moans – the kind that sounded a lot like the sounds Emily had hoped to be hearing by the time the weekend was over. It got to be too much for Emily, who was already in a constant state of horniness, frankly, from the months that she and Paige had been celibate. She backed away from Paige with a yawn, giving Paige's shoulders one last pat. "You know what? I'm really kind of sleepy," she said. "I think maybe I'll just get to bed and get back to it in the morning."

Paige twisted around and looked at Emily. "Wait," she begged. "Let's just relax in front of the TV for a bit? I can make some popcorn, and we can just chill out? Find something to watch?"

Emily knew what Paige was up to. There was only one bedroom in the cabin. They'd talked about it when Emily booked the weekend and decided that they were okay with it. But, apparently, Paige still wasn't comfortable with the arrangement.

Emily wasn't really tired, though, and she was determined to make Paige feel at ease, so she nodded her approval. As long as she kept her hands to herself, she was sure that she could keep her feelings at bay.

While Paige worked on getting some popcorn going, Emily worked on finding something to watch. The TV had Netflix, and Emily, at first, decided that they would binge "The Office." That was before Emily remembered what had happened the last time she tried watching "The Office" with Paige. Paige spent most of the evening picking apart the show's inaccuracies about life in Scranton and pointing out all the things that couldn't have happened there.

It was cute, for about five minutes.

After browsing around for a bit, Emily settled on "Fuller House," a show that they could laugh over without having to give all their full attention.

After a while in front of the TV, their positions switched to the opposite of where they had found themselves before. Emily was sitting on the carpet, leaning back on Paige, with her head resting on Paige's thigh. It was a more intimate position than they were used to, but Paige didn't raise any objections. She just sat there, intentionally focusing on the television, idly stroking Emily's long, black hair to the rhythm of the rain against the gutters.

Paige felt a sort of slow burn smoldering inside her. She knew that Emily had to be able to feel the heat coming off of her thighs. This is what she had feared – and secretly hoped – the weekend would turn into, although she didn't foresee it coming so soon.

The rain, oblivious to Paige's inner turmoil, kept right on pounding on the gutters, with increased speed and intensity: Harder and harder, louder and louder, almost drowning out the sounds from the TV – and the loud, relentless pounding of Paige's panicky heart.

And then, with a dramatic crescendo, a bolt of lightning exploded with a loud crash, lighting up the room for an instant before disappearing, leaving them once again in the dim light of the TV. Emily let out a startled yelp at the thunder and instinctively clutched Paige's thigh. Paige leapt from the couch as if she had been struck by the lightning bolt, but Emily, too intent on getting her breathing back to normal, didn't notice at first. When she turned and saw Paige, standing with a look of sheer panic on her face, she, too, got up onto her feet, hoping she could fix it.

"Paige… I'm sorry! I was just startled," she pleaded urgently.

Emily knew that it wasn't just about her startled grabbing of Paige's thigh, though. It was the cumulative effect of the entire dance they'd been doing ever since they got to the cabin. She should have kept her distance. It was only the first night. The rest of the weekend was going to be very strained and quiet. And Paige would probably end up sleeping on the couch.

Paige just stood there with her eyes closed, shaking her head. Emily cringed, beating herself up inside for being so skittish.

When Paige finally spoke, it was in a soft, deliberate voice. "Emily. I have to tell you something."

Emily braced herself for the worst, still hoping that she could fix it. "Okay."

"I… I love you."

All the tension disappeared from Emily's face in an instant. "You… what?"

Paige's shoulders dropped. She took a deep breath. "I know it seems too early to say it, and I've never said that to anyone before, but it's not just out of the blue. I mean, this has been building since that first night in the bar and… I… I can't keep suppressing it anymore."

Emily inched slowly over to Paige and, carefully, as if she were approaching a stray dog, gave her a comforting hug, mindful not to cross any boundaries. "I love you, too, Paige," she whispered.

Paige pushed Emily back to arm's length. "You don't understand, Emily." She shook her head, her eyes closed. "I... _love_  you. I…" Paige took a deep breath and stared at Emily, pleading for her to understand what she felt but couldn't find a way to say. "I  _really_  love you. Right now."

"Paige…" Emily's forehead creased. "Are you… are you sure?"

Paige collapsed onto the couch. "No, I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything. Well, that's not true. I'm sure of what I'm feeling, that's for sure. But I'm not sure what to do about it, or even how this even works or whether I even can…" Paige exhaled, looking helplessly up at Emily.

Emily sat on the couch next to her, taking Paige's hand in both of hers and patting it. "Let's just relax, okay Paige?" She kissed her slowly. "We'll figure it out."

Emily put her hand on Paige's cheek and leaned in for another, longer kiss. She rubbed her thumb along Paige's cheek and sat up on Paige's lap, never breaking the kiss.

 _God, this is so easy,_  Paige thought as the kiss continued.  _We could've been doing this all along?_

Paige's mind may not have known what to do, but her body caught on right away. It responded against Emily's, as if in a dance that they had been rehearsing since childhood. When Emily finally broke the kiss, it was only to look into Paige's eyes for permission as she moved her hand from Paige's cheek to her chest. Paige impatiently grabbed the hand and placed it over her left breast, moaning as Emily massaged it and moved her other hand to Paige's right breast. Paige couldn't reach Emily's breasts from that angle, so she moved her hands to Emily's ass. She paused for a moment, fascinated by its round firmness, before she started rubbing her hands over and around it, and pressing Emily's body closer and closer to hers.

Their tongues danced in time to the staccato clattering of the rain as their bodies moved against each other in a sort of out-of-rhythm waltz. Paige's hips were undulating wildly, desperately, searching for something – anything – to grind against. Then, suddenly, she stopped.

"Emily - wait!"

Emily was almost at the point of no return, but she backed away. No matter how hot and heavy it had gotten between them, she wasn't going to cross any boundaries.

"Are you all right?" she asked softly, resisting the urge to touch Paige as she did.

"I... I just need to tell you something."

Emily backed away from Paige and sat up, on her knees, on the couch. "Okay."

"Emily... have you ever... slept with a man?" Before Emily could answer, Paige did. "Because I have. I... did. With Sean. One time. I... we slept together."

Emily was digging her fingernails into her thigh, to keep from letting out an audible groan. She loved Paige, and she was trying to be patient, but she was so worked up that it felt as if her head was going to explode. And her head wasn't the only thing on the verge of exploding. She nodded, perhaps a bit too impatiently, and moved in to kiss Paige again.

Paige backed away, holding her at arm's length. "I wanted to make sure that you knew that. In case you hadn't been with a man. I didn't want to hide that from you. I didn't want us to have any secrets before we went any further."

 _Umm... thank you?_  Emily didn't know quite what to say. Was Paige worried that she would lose her gold star for sleeping with someone who'd slept with a man? It didn't make sense. And it was so not a big deal - except that it obviously was for Paige. Or maybe Paige was just stalling because she was afraid?

Emily took Paige's hand, sandwiching it between hers. "Paige," she said calmly, moving her right hand to stroke Paige's cheek. "I'm not afraid of anything in your past. I'm only interested in your present, and your future - with me." She leaned in for a reassuring kiss, which, this time, Paige didn't deny her. "I just need to know, are you okay with us, with  _this_ , right now?"

Paige answered by pushing Emily down on the couch and kissing her, letting her hands roam at will. She was amazed at how warm Emily's skin was; how soft. She got caught up exploring it, the contours, the firmness, the slight trembling she felt.

Emily eased them onto their sides, where she could exercise a bit more control. She knew that Paige needed a little guidance to get from making out to making love, so she needed to take the lead.

Her touch was sending tingles up and down Paige's body. She parted Paige's thighs, looking one last time for permission before she went any further.

It didn't take long. Paige let out a sound that she had never made before.

Emily eased Paige into a reclining position on the couch, lying next to her and rubbing her back until Paige was able to catch her breath. She brushed the hair out of Paige's face, desperate to see Paige's eyes, to make sure that she was okay with what they had done in the heat of the moment. Emily's hand brushed against Paige's face, and it smelled like sex. That's all it took to reignite the fire within Paige. Before Emily could ask whether she was okay, Paige, trying to roll on top of Emily, ended up toppling both of them onto the floor. Paige opened her eyes in panic, on top of Emily, but Emily pulled her down against her and kissed her hard to let her know that she was okay – and ready.

Paige was ready, too. But she was in over her head. "Emily, I…"

Emily nodded. She took Paige's hand and sucked on her index finger for a moment before placing it against her thigh and rubbing herself gently with it. She released her grip as Paige began exploring on her own – first, the smooth skin of Emily's warm thighs, then the soft tufts of hair that lay between them. Finally, she sucked on her finger again and allowed it to explore inside Emily, amazed at how natural it all felt. When Emily's thighs involuntarily clenched around her hand and she started moaning Paige's name, Paige felt herself on the verge of climaxing again.

* * *

"Wow," Paige whispered. Emily smiled and echoed the word. They lay next to each other, gazing into each other's eyes, touching non-sexually, just to stay connected.

The obnoxiously upbeat opening theme to "Fuller House" started blaring from the TV, destroying the moment. Emily fished around for the remote and turned it off. With no sound except the ever-present rain and the beating of their hearts, they could easily have fallen asleep right there. Instead, Paige stood up, giving a hand to Emily, to help her up. They left the room as it was – an overturned bowl of popcorn on the floor, along with their clothes – and headed off to bed.


	12. Rhythm of the Falling Rain

When Paige woke the next morning, she found Emily staring into her eyes. Her chin was on top of her hands, which were balled into fists, one on top of the other, on top of Paige's chest. She was looking down at Paige with a half-smile, like the Mona Lisa's.

"Hey." Paige noticed a slight quiver in Emily's voice. Somewhere, on a subconscious level, it put her on her guard.

"Hey." Paige's forehead creased and she reached up to touch Emily's cheek.

"How are you?" Emily's head bobbed up and down with each syllable

Paige didn't have to give that question a lot of thought. She had just had the greatest night of her life. "I'm great."

"Yeah?" Emily's eyebrows narrowed. "Are you sure?"

Paige stroked Emily's hair and nodded with a smile. "How are  _you?_ "

Emily moved to a sitting position, facing Paige with her legs crossed. "Paige, I know we were supposed to be taking things slowly... and I know that it was your first time. I'm just concerned that you might not be okay with how it went last night."

"I'm more than okay," Paige said, to reassure her. She was putting a brave face on it, but, on the inside, she was dogged by fear. Emily, after all, had had a lot of experience, with all kinds of women. Paige, on the other hand, had very little experience at all – and no experience at all with a woman.

Paige knew firsthand the dangers of keeping her fears repressed. That strategy had led to some destructive behaviors towards her teammates in high school and in college. She knew that she needed to confront those fears face-on. And that, if their relationship was going to work, she would have to be honest with Emily. She dipped her head.

Emily slowly rubbed Paige's arm, a concerned look in her eye. "You can tell me anything."

Paige nodded. "I know." She just needed a second. She leaned her head back and looked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. "I'm just worried that it wasn't… you know... all that great for you. I mean, I know you love me and that's the most important thing, but..."

Emily did her best to stifle a laugh. What Paige was saying was ridiculous, but she needed to take it seriously, since she could see how serious it was to Paige. "Paige, seriously? What movie were  _you_  watching last night?" She gave Paige a kiss, and stroked her hair. "When I was digging my fingers into your back and screaming your name, it wasn't 'cause sucked it for me."

Paige managed a tentative smile. "So, it's just in my head?"

Picking up on what this was about, Emily took Paige's hands. Paige sat up, shifting into a more comfortable position as she looked Emily in the eye. "You know," Emily said, taking her time to think through what she was about to say, "I had forgotten what it feels like to 'make love' – as opposed to just hooking up. Back when I used to hook up, it was all about proving to those girls that I could make them come harder than they ever had before. But, when you're with someone you love, it's... different. There's no comparison between the things you made me feel last night and the way those other girls did, because I trusted you enough to let myself go completely with you."

Paige got up on the pillow. "Because... you love me?" Paige had heard Emily say it before, but she couldn't be blamed for wanting to hear it again.

"God, yeah." Emily was smiling wide. "I love you so much."

Paige pulled her down for a kiss. "I love you, too." She reclined on the bed again, and Emily joined her, both on their sides looking into each other's eyes. "Thank you," Paige said softly, putting a hand on Emily's cheek and stroking her thumb across Emily's lips. Emily kissed Paige's thumb and pulled her in closer, wanting to feel the warmth of her body.

"You know," Paige began, her voice soft and sexy, "the first time I saw you up there with the band, I should've figured out that I wasn't completely straight." Emily laughed lightly. Paige began stroking her hair. "You were so confident and in command... and your voice, when you started singing... God. I couldn't take my eyes off of you." Emily bit her lip and looked down, smiling to herself. She remembered that night; remembered that Paige was dancing with Sean - and, yet, whenever she looked over at them, Paige's eyes were on her.

"And then," Paige continued, "at The Hungry Owl, when you sang that song for me, staring right at me as you said the words... Do you have any idea what you do to me with that voice?"

Emily snickered. She slid the tip of her index finger back and forth over Paige's lips. "Well, actually, yeah, I think I do. And if it's anything like what you're doing to me, with your sexy, morning voice, then I don't think this bed's going to stand a chance the weekend."

"Well, if the bed can't take it, I guess I'll just have to take you on the floor... and the counter... and in the shower... and on the..." Paige found different spots on Emily's neck to kiss and suck with each location she listed. She ran out of ideas for where she could take Emily before she ran out of spots on her neck. Emily's breathing became ragged and her legs became warm, sliding together against the sheets completely on their own.

As they started to get to know each other again - what they liked, what worked, what drove them crazy - the soft rain against the window picked up into a desperate, clattering crescendo.. "I'll tell you one thing," Paige said, more concerned about the wetness surrounding her fingers than the wetness outside, "I never much cared for rain before, but this weekend is giving me a new appreciation for it!"

Later that afternoon, the tables were turned, and Emily let out a startled gasp when she woke up after their morning explorations to find Paige staring at her. Paige had an odd expression on her face, and Emily couldn't help worrying that, once everything had caught up with her, she was starting to second-guess it all. "What's wrong?" she asked softly, trying to sound positive rather than afraid.

Paige took a strand of Emily's hair and stroked it away from her face. "You are so incredibly beautiful," she said, her freshly awake voice low and husky. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

Emily sat up and gave her a kiss. It was meant to be a quick kiss, but it soon got the better of them. Before things got too heated and they started up again, Emily broke the kiss. "You're beautiful too, you know." It was important that Paige knew that, before they went any further. It wasn't just one-sided, with Paige as the lesser partner. Emily wanted it as much as she did. She gently ran her hand up and down Paige's arm, settling in to rub Paige's ass. "Last night was incredible. And this morning was... unbelievable."

Paige purred softly and slid closer to Emily, pulling her tight. She kissed her forehead, nose, and cheek, before she started to work on Emily's neck. Emily moaned wildly, her hips undulating against Paige's. "Can we just stay here forever? Never leave this bed?"

Emily laughed. "I think we have to eat sometime!"

"Mmm," Paige cooed. "Good idea."

* * *

Emily had a pair of baby blue onesie pajamas with padded feet that she used for lounging around the house. They were girly and not her usual style, but she wore them because they felt good, especially on a cold, dreary day. Paige teased her about them, of course, but she didn't mind the feeling as they cuddled together on the couch in the late afternoon, not watching anything, not making out, not really talking about anything (although, as thoughts went through their heads from time to time, they shared them), not really doing anything other than spending time together.

Paige had unzipped the back of Emily's onesie and was stroking her arm up and down the skin underneath. She laughed as she did; a single laugh that made her body jump. Emily looked at her, wondering what thought had crossed her mind and made her kill the mood.

"Okay," Paige said, beginning her explanation, "I promise that I don't compare you to Sean…"

Emily, whose arm was stretched across Paige's waist as she sat leaning into her, with her head on her chest, said the next word at the same time Paige did. "but…"

"But," Paige repeated, "your skin is just so soft and… smooth… and…"

"Mmm. Thank you." Emily deposited a kiss onto Paige's collarbone, where the skin peeked out from the zip-up hoodie that she was wearing.

"No, you don't get it," Paige said, sitting up slightly, suddenly animated. "Your skin's not rough or dry or hairy or…"

"Yes, Paige. I'm a girl!"

Paige recoiled and put her hand on her chest in mock-shock. "You are?" Emily rolled her eyes. "Wait... but that would make me... gay!"

Emily giggled lightly and eased Paige back onto the couch, reclaiming her position, resting with her head on Paige's chest.

"Girls are so much better," Paige whispered, kissing the top of Emily's head.

Emily rolled her eyes. "I could've told you that!"

"I wish you had." Paige kept on rubbing Emily's back. "It would've saved me a lot of trouble."

* * *

"Can I ask you a question?"

Emily nodded, her face moving up and down against Paige's chest.

"Was this your plan all along? Get me up here all alone, and seduce me?"

Emily sat up so that she could look Paige in the eyes. "Paige, I wasn't trying to take advantage of you or pressure you in any way, I promise. But… yeah. I mean, I did think that, if we were up here, and the mood was right, it might get things moving in the right direction." Emily bit her lip, worried how Paige would react to finding out that Emily had been trying to get her in bed. Paige didn't say anything; she just kissed her softly. "I actually thought it would take some wine to get us into the mood."

"Who would've known we would only need water?" Emily looked at Paige, confused by that statement, just as a loud downpour resonated against the windows. Paige gestured towards the window with her hand to point out what she meant by water.

"I'm glad you did it, Em." She pulled Emily's head back onto her chest. "You know, I tend to live in my fears and to let my fear of anything challenging or difficult or… new get the best of me. So there's no telling how long it would've taken me to come around. And I really wanted it, too, Em. Believe it or not, this is how I wanted the weekend to go."

Emily rubbed Paige's stomach. Paige couldn't see the smile on her face, and it was just as well. It felt good knowing that Paige, despite all of her fears and hesitation, really wanted to take that next step in their relationship. There was relief, of course, that she hadn't rushed Paige, but also the confidence that came from knowing that Paige wanted her, too.

She was too comfortable in her perch on Paige's chest to sit up, so she kissed Paige where her lips could reach, at a spot on Paige's chest. "I love you."

Paige let out a contented laugh and hugged Emily closer for a second, then rubbed up and down Emily's arm. "You said it first!" She kissed the top of Emily's head. "I'm used to being the one who says it first in relationships," she explained. "It's nice to hear someone else say it first."

Emily tilted her head back and saw the love and joy on Paige's face. "Then I'll say it again. I love you, Paige McCullers."

"I love you, too."

They were in no hurry to get back to the bedroom that night. It wasn't that they were tired or that the novelty had worn off – or that they were burning so hot that they needed to cool down. They were simply enjoying their time together. This was another first for them. In all their time together, as their relationship evolved from friendship into something more, they had never spent time together like that before. It was a pleasure that Paige's fear of too much physical contact had denied them. Their weekend of discovery, then, was about more than connecting physically. It was about connecting as a couple; as soulmates – closing the door on the world around them and simply being present with each other.

* * *

The rain didn't let up for the entire weekend. Despite all that they'd planned, they never got to explore the mountain trails and the lakes. But that was perfectly fine. They had the rest of their lives to explore nature. For that weekend, they were content just to explore each other.

On Sunday afternoon, right after they packed up the car and got buckled in for the drive home, the clouds parted and the sun came streaming through the windshield. "Oh!" they both exclaimed simultaneously. Then, they fell into a fit of simultaneous laughter.

It was as if the rain had fallen all weekend just for them; just to keep them stuck in that cabin together and to set a mood. Someone up there wanted to give them a little push, and a little bit of rain was just the thing.

Emily, still buzzing from their weekend, leaned over and kissed Paige's cheek. "Well," she said philosophically, "we'll have to come back here again sometime."

"Yeah," Paige agreed with a chuckle. "During the rainy season."


	13. Riding the Tiger

There was something different about Paige after the trip to the cabin. It wasn't just that she was more open to displays of affection (public and otherwise); she was more open to everything. She was open to  _anything_.

When Emily pointed this out to her, Paige put it down to having spent her life, up to that point, denying and repressing her feelings. After the cabin, she said, it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her.

"I just want to do...  _everything_ ," she explained. Her hands were gesturing wildly, and she was almost levitating out of her chair. "All of those things from my childhood or college that I wrote off as too silly or too dangerous, or just not in-line with my goals. I want to do them now. I want to... take the cinnamon challenge, or... go bungee jumping, or... flash my tits at a Phillies game, or..."

Emily reached across the table and took Paige's arm, to calm her. "Slow down there, Tiger..."

"I want to ride a tiger!" Paige almost yelled, undeterred by the the crowd sitting around them in The Brew.

Emily laughed. "Well, unless 'tiger' is your new nickname for me, I don't see that happening!"

"Ha ha," Paige mocked dryly. "Anyway, I thought your mascot was the Waves." Paige took a moment to think it over before she struck a surfer pose, trying to mimic a southern California accent. "Riding the Waves..." She sneered, shaking her head no. "Not nearly as badass as a tiger."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Well, I'll have you know that I was a Shark in high school, so, you know. Watch yourself. World's greatest predator."

"Ooh... Riding the shark!" Paige raised her eyebrows lasciviously, and lifted her hands, touching her index fingers to her thumbs. "Wet and Wild," she teased, accentuating the last letter of the adjectives.

Emily wasn't used to this new Paige, but she kind of liked it.

There was a new Emily, as well. Technically, it had started before she and Paige got together, but Paige was definitely the reason that Emily had grown tired of the empty one-night-stands and put an end to her weekend booty calls. She still got hit on by the occasional groupie until she and Paige became official. The band, although locally famous, really only had a circuit of a half-dozen cities in the Philadelphia suburb, and fewer than 20 venues where they performed regularly. Just as it hadn't taken long for word to get out among that limited audience pool that men need not apply when Emily first started singing with the band, it didn't take long for people to figure out that Emily was taken - much to Emily's relief.

* * *

"Paige!" Emily gasped at the sight of her girlfriend. Her eyes went wide with excitement. "OMG – what did you do?"

"I told you I had a surprise!"

"How did you manage to keep this from me all week?"

Paige chuckled. "It wasn't easy! Do you like it?"

Emily ran her fingers through Paige's now short hair, a bit longer at the top and angled down.

"What made you decide to cut your hair?"

"Eh…" Paige shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I just felt like a change. So, do you like it?"

"Are you kidding me? I LOVE it!" Emily exclaimed. "I mean, I loved it when you had it long, but this…" Emily sensed that she was obsessing over Paige's hair a bit much, but she couldn't stop touching it. "What did they say about it at school?"

"They were polite," Paige said. "I guess they don't mind it. To tell you the truth, I don't think half the boys in my classes even noticed."

"Oh, they noticed," Emily assured her. "Young, hormonal, teenage boys?" Her hand drifted from Paige's hair to her cheek and the side of her neck. "Believe me: They noticed."

"I guess..."

"Paige. You look hot!"

"Thanks?" Paige dipped her head.

"No." Emily tugged on Paige's earlobe, in the spot that always drove her wild. "I mean, you look _really_  hot."

Paige's face shot up immediately. "Oh… You mean?"

Emily nodded lustfully. "Yes. I mean."

Dinner would have to wait.

* * *

As Paige and Emily started spending more and more time together, the distance between them became more and more of an issue. They often spent the weekend together, either in Scranton or Rosewood, each amassing a collection of clothing and toiletries at the other's apartment. It wasn't so much of a problem for Emily, who had gotten accustomed to life on the road as a musician, as it turned out to be for Paige.

One day it came to a head.

"I don't know how you feel about it, but I'm not sure that this distance thing is working out."

Emily did her best not to go into panic-mode. Even though they'd been together for a fair amount of time, she still had that fear in the back of her mind that Old Paige was going to return – the Paige who was afraid of unconventional relationships and found a way to cut and run. Paige hadn't shown any signs of being dissatisfied with what they had. Then again, up to that point, she hadn't shown any signs that distance was a problem. Not that Paige was one to be direct. This was, after all, the person who had asked Emily how she could get Sean to break up with her.

Emily tried to keep it light. "Long distance? Paige, It's Scranton and Rosewood, Paige, not Scranton and Paris."

Paige rattled her head quickly, surprised. "Paris, France, or Paris, Texas?"

Emily gestured impatiently with her hands. "Really? That's really your question? I mean, clearly, either one of those would work." Paige opened her mouth, but Emily, impatiently, put an end to the little detour. "Look, the point is, it's not as if we're so far apart that we don't get to see each other all the time."

Paige, sensing that Emily was getting defensive, put her arms around her and pulled her close. "Yeah, but I want to be able to see you all the time." She leaned her head back and gave Emily a pointed stare. " _All_  the time. When I wake up in the morning, when I get home from work, when I go to bed at night..."

"Wait... What..." Emily cleared her throat. "Are... Paige, are you saying you want to move in together?"

Paige nodded warily. She wasn't sure whether Emily's response was excitement or panic. Emily answered with a kiss.

"I can't believe you asked me..."

"Well, don't you think It's about time? Or is it too soon? Like are we going to be that stereotypical U-Haul couple?"

Emily laughed off that last question and linked her hands behind Paige's neck. "I would love to get a U-Haul with you."

"Okay, well, Great!" Paige gave Emily a quick kiss. "I can line up some places for us to look at the next time you're in Scranton…"

"And I can look up some places in Rosewood…"

The face Paige was making made it look as if she were about to throw up. "Rosewood? Seriously?"

"What's wrong with Rosewood?"

"Look, it's just… I mean – you're a musician; you can pretty much do that from anywhere, can't you?"

"And why wouldn't I do that in Rosewood?"

"Rosewood… let's just say… Rosewood isn't the kind of place you want to  _be_  from. It's the kind of place you want to be  _very far away from_."

Emily crossed her arms around her waist. "And what's  _that_  supposed to mean?"

"Emily, don't think I haven't heard about all the weird things that went on in Rosewood when we were in high school. I mean, that shit made the  _national_  news – not just the PA news!"

"Paige…" Emily went from defensive to pleading.

"But, of course, if anything did happen, we could always rely on that world-famous Rosewood police force. I mean, seriously, have they ever solved any crime? Ever?"

"Hey!" Emily smacked Paige on the shoulder. "My Mom worked for the Rosewood police!"

Paige's eyes went wide. Before she could apologize, Emily let her off the hook. "Okay – she only did administrative work for them. She wasn't actually on the force… And, yeah. Our police force kind of sucks." Paige chuckled in relief that she hadn't insulted Emily. "But, Paige…" Emily let out a deep breath. "My  _parents_  are here – and my Dad…"

Paige pulled Emily in for a hug, resting her arms around her waist. "I know, Em. I'm just teasing. I'm pretty sure I can find something at Rosewood High - or Ravenswood."

Emily put her arms on Paige's shoulders. "You really wouldn't mind?"

"Of course not. I know you need to be close to your parents."

"Well, actually..." Emily put her arms around Paige's neck and kissed her. "I know they're looking for an athletic director at Rosewood. My old coach approached me when Principal Hackett asked her whether she wanted the job or knew anybody, but I didn't think I could balance that and the music."

"Seriously?" Emily nodded. "That's awesome!"

"I never told you about it, because I didn't want you to think I was trying to get you to move to Rosewood. But, I can put in a good word for you with Hackett?"

"All right!" Paige leaned in for a celebratory kiss.

Emily kept a close hold on Paige for the subject she was about to bring up. "And, um... speaking of my parents..."

"Oh, yeah. We were, weren't we?" Paige teased, with dread in her tone.

Emily smiled nervously and took a deep breath, not sure how Paige would respond. "They really want to have you over for dinner."

"Oh, God! What did I get myself into?"

Emily teased Paige back. "Oh, so now you don't want to meet my parents? After it almost destroyed our friendship that I didn't tell them about you?"

Paige pulled Emily closer, not wanting to joke about that. "I would love to have dinner with your parents," she said in her lowest, sexiest voice.

* * *

It didn't take long for them to find a nice two-bedroom apartment with a decent view, a decent distance from the house where Emily grew up. And, like the house where Emily grew up, there was a big bay window in the living room, complete with a window seat that looked out over the street scene and, beyond it, to the lake.

It was more room than either of them had had in their previous, one-bedroom apartments, but, still, it was an adjustment. They didn't need separate bedrooms, of course, so they turned the spare room into a shared office. To their surprise, more space, arranged into shared rooms, became a bit tricky.

Paige had always had her own space. As an only child, she had her own room, where she could go to get away from her parents when she was upset or overwhelmed. Even in college, when she had to share a room in the dormitory for her first two years, she could always find an isolated study space on campus somewhere to regroup and recharge. But, in the apartment, there was no room that was specifically  _her_  room. She couldn't find a spot to be alone when she needed to get away. About the only recourse she had was to get in her car and drive, but that wasn't really an option. It would definitely have sent the wrong message, if she started taking long drives without Emily when she was upset.

Emily, who had grown up an only child, had the opposite response to the experience. She got her energy from being around people; when she was angry or overwhelmed, she wanted to talk it out with someone. And when she saw someone else uptight or angry, she wanted comfort that person and be there as a listening ear.

Their vastly different approaches made for some uncomfortable situations.

Paige and Emily weren't really aware of the dynamic, at first. It showed up in subtle ways. In the office, Paige would find ways to keep busy on her computer, waiting for Emily to get tired and go to bed so that she could have some time alone. Meanwhile, Emily was busying herself on her social media and on Buzzfeed, so that she and Paige could go to bed together. If they were watching something or reading together in the living room, whenever Paige got up, Emily would ask where she was going – a perfectly reasonable question, but Paige took it as controlling.

Eventually, things came to a head when they realized that they were both miserable.

"Did we move in too soon?"

"No, no." Paige was rubbing her forehead, trying to calm herself down. "No, Emily. This is just an adjustment for us."

"Well, maybe we weren't ready for it."

Paige sat down next to Emily and took her hands. "I love you, Emily."

"And I love you, too. But that doesn't mean that we're ready to move in together."

"Let's just put that question to the side, for now." Paige said. She was proud of both of them for being able to hold this discussion calmly and without getting angry. "We both love each other, and we both want to make it work. And whether we moved in together now or two years into our relationship or twenty years in, we'd still have to learn how to adjust to each other."

"So, what do you need to adjust to about me?"

"It's not you. It's… Sometimes, I need to be alone, so I can work things out. I just need a little time, and I can face the world again."

"Okay. And sometimes, I need to talk things through, so I can work things out."

"Okay. So how do we make it work when you need to be talk and I need to be alone?"

Emily sighed and threw up her hands. There wasn't an easy answer. "We'll just have to be flexible, I guess."

"And sometimes we'll have rough patches."

"Sometimes, we'll have rough patches," Emily agreed.

"Can you stick with me through the rough patches?"

Emily took Paige into her arms. "I'd be a fool not to." Paige held Emily for a moment as she thought things over. "Paige?"

"Yeah?"

"There are a lot more ups than downs."

"A  _lot_  more," Paige agreed.

"I don't regret moving in together."

Paige kissed her. "Neither do I."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, Pepperdine's mascot is the Waves... ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	14. More Ups than Downs

The first time Paige got together with Emily and her parents after she and Emily moved in together, she thought had been set up. She and Emily were having breakfast at The Brew, talking about how they really needed to set a date to have dinner with Pam and Wayne, because they were starting to think that she and Emily were intentionally avoiding coming over to see them.

"You know that's not what it is," Paige said impatiently.

"I know," Emily asserted. "It's been as much my fault as it has yours. Actually, probably more my fault, with my crazy schedule.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Paige said, looking up and over Emily's shoulder.

Emily turned in her seat, to see what Paige was looking at. She got very excited at the sight of her parents hanging up their coats and scouting out a table. "Hi!" she yelled, waving her arm wildly. She turned to look at Paige, smiling at what a big coincidence it was. Paige rolled her eyes. "What?"

"Come on, Em."

"Wait – you think I ambushed you?"

"You're saying you didn't?"

"Paige, I had no idea that they would be here."

"Well, did you tell them that we'd be here?"

"No. Believe it or not, I don't inform my parents of every move I make."

Emily was obviously upset at the implication. Paige took her hand and apologized.

"Hey, look who it is!" Wayne said enthusiastically as he and Pam stepped up to Paige and Emily's table. Emily got up and gave them a hug. Paige followed her lead. They caught up a little before Wayne put his arm around Pam's waist, saying something about needing pancakes "– stat."

"Why don't you join us?" Paige asked, her tone devoid of emotion. Emily almost got whiplash, spinning her head around. Paige shrugged.

"Oh, that's all right," Pam said with a friendly smile. "We're not going to intrude on your time together."

"Please," Paige insisted. "We're practically neighbors, and we never see you."

Wayne and Pam looked at Emily, who smiled a welcoming smile. Wayne scrambled up a couple of chairs, and Paige and Emily readjusted their plates to make some room for them.

* * *

"So, how's the apartment?" Pam asked, after they put their orders in.

"It's really coming together," Emily said enthusiastically. She looked at Paige for concurrence, and Paige nodded.

"There were some… challenges, trying to balance our different tastes," Paige explained, "but I like the way it came together, right, Emily?"

"I guess if you can call 'good taste' and 'no taste' two different things!" Emily crinkled her nose at Paige, and Paige made an exaggerated look of being offended. Pam elbowed Wayne in the ribs, to make sure that he was seeing just how cute a couple they were.

Emily went into some details about their bedroom, the office, the living room, and the kitchen. Wayne, who was a little bored by all of this, asked, "So, which one of you sleeps on the sofa bed?" He stared at them stone-faced for a few seconds, watching them squirm as they tried to interpret what he was implying. Emily looked at her mom for help, and she punched Wayne in the shoulder. He leaned back and burst into laughter. "Oh, if you two could've seen the looks on your faces!"

There was no mistaking the look on Pam's face. It was the "We'll talk about this when we get home" look that married couples often have. Paige nudged Emily in the side, gesturing at Pam. "I think we know who's sleeping on the sofa bed tonight," she muttered, looking right at Wayne.

Wayne broke into laughter again and clapped her on the back. "She's funny, this one!" he said to Emily.

* * *

Other than a brief squabble over who would pay the bill (both Paige and Wayne insisted on paying; in the end, Emily convinced Paige to let Wayne be the dad and buy them lunch), dinner was rather pleasant. They ended up lingering at the table longer than they might have otherwise. They were enjoying each other's company.

As Paige and Emily walked home, Paige said, "Your parents are great, Em. We should really visit them sometime."

"Ha ha," Emily mocked. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you and my Dad got along. You both have the same warped sense of humor."

Paige squeezed Emily close, in a moment of jubilation. "I can't remember the last time I laughed so much."

Emily kissed Paige's cheek. "Thank you."

"You're welcome?" Paige wasn't sure what she was being thanked for.

"For inviting my parents over. I'm not used to that, from a girlfriend."

"You've been dating the wrong type of girls," Paige joked.

"You've got that right!" Emily took Paige's arm from around her shoulder so that they could hold hands as they walked. "I'm so glad we're together."

"I am, too." A half block later, Paige added, 'It's worth it, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"This… Us. I mean, we had our ups and downs getting here, but it's been worth it."

Emily rubbed Paige's arm and the hand she was holding. "And we've had some ups and downs since we've gotten together, too," she said. "But I wouldn't trade it for anything. The ups are definitely worth the downs."

Even though Pam and Wayne had been waiting to have Paige and Emily over for dinner, their second meal together, like the first, was not at Casa Fields. Emily invited them over for a Sunday brunch, so that they could show off their apartment, once they had everything in shape.

It was a bit of a challenge for the couple to put brunch together. Usually, one or the other of them worked solo in the kitchen. The other one pitched in, of course, but it was only with minor things; "Hand me that bowl," "Stir this for a bit," or "Set these out on the table." They didn't a formal arrangement about who was in charge of dinner. It usually just worked out – one of them had a recipe she wanted to try, one (usually Paige) was too tired after work, or one wanted to do something special for the other. On nights when no one stepped up, when they got hungry enough, they either went out or ordered in. Fridays were date nights (or Thursdays, in weeks where Emily's band was playing), and they usually went out to eat on those nights as well – although, sometimes, they just felt like staying in and watching TV together.

But they never really worked on meals together in the kitchen. For their first attempt at entertaining as a couple, Emily wanted to go all out. It was going to be more than a one-woman job.

It ended up being a much more pleasant experience than they expected. Emily was wound up pretty tight, worrying that everything would be just right, but having Paige there to wrap her arm around her waist and give her a kiss on the cheek occasionally, or just to provide a calm reassurance that everything was going to be fine, helped keep her grounded. She actually found herself singing and humming to herself as she cooked, the way that her mother used to, when she was in the kitchen.

Paige wasn't used that – singing in the kitchen, as if it were an enjoyable experience. To her, cooking had always been a chore to get through. She liked it Emily's way. "Why haven't we been cooking together all along?"

Emily looked back at her and smiled. "I don't know. I guess it just sort of happened. You cook or I cook, but we never thought about doing it together."

Paige grabbed her from behind and gave her a quick squeeze. "We should do it more often."

Emily turned around. "Do you mean to tell me you're actually enjoying yourself in the kitchen?"

"It doesn't matter where I am. I enjoy myself whenever I'm with you."

"Oh, you are just way too cheesy, Paige McCullers!" Emily turned back to what she was doing, but she couldn't help smiling. Paige was right; it was just more fun when they were together.

* * *

"Okay," Emily said, hands on her hips as she surveyed the table and the rest of the apartment in general, going through a mental checklist and taking a quick look at the clock. "We've got about 20 minutes – because you know Wayne Fields is going to be outside that door at precisely 12:30."

"Really?" Paige was smiling skeptically.

Emily nodded. "He's probably going to be at the door at 12:25, just itching to ring the doorbell."

"Can't your mom get him to chill – or, I don't know, slow him down, somehow?"

"She does her best. At least she got him to stop showing up early everywhere." She leaned in and gave Paige a kiss. "Can you be ready in 20 minutes?"

"You mean 18 and a half minutes?" Paige teased, showing Emily the time on her phone. "I'm on it!"

* * *

Emily counted up the seconds on her phone. "57… 58… 59…" she pointed at the door just as the doorbell rang.

"Oh, come on!" Paige shook her head. "Is this just some private joke between the two of you?"

Pam and Wayne greeted Paige and Emily with hugs. Emily took Pam by the arm to give her the grand tour.

"Do you want to see the apartment?" Paige prodded.

"I've seen apartments before, Paige," Wayne deadpanned

"Beer?"

"Now you're talking!"

Paige and Wayne ended parked on the couch watching college football while they waited. During a commercial, Wayne stood up and stretched, taking a glance at his watch. "Jeez, Paige, exactly how big is this apartment?"

"They probably got distracted," Paige offered.

"They probably got lost!" Wayne reached for the empty bowl of chips on the coffee table. "I'll go get a refill."

Paige sprang to her feet and cut him off. "I'll go," she said. "I don't think you're allowed in the kitchen."

Wayne bellowed out a laugh. "It's not on the tour?"

Just then, Pam and Emily emerged from the office. "Dad!" Emily looked at the empty bowl and empty beer bottles. "You're eating chips? You know we invited you for brunch, right?"

"Oh, was it brunch? I thought it was dinner." Wayne tilted his head towards the clock.

Emily rolled her eyes. Looking at Paige, she teased, "I can't believe you fed him!"

Wayne pulled Paige in for a side hug. "Oh, leave her alone. We were just getting our strength up. We thought we were going to have to form a searching party for the two of you."

"Ha ha," Emily said dryly. "Come on, let's take care of whatever's left of your appetite."

* * *

"I like your parents," Paige noted, just before she turned out the light. "They're really cool."

Emily greeted her with a kiss as she joined her in bed. "Today was a lot of fun, wasn't it?"

Paige nodded. "We pulled it off!"

"We pulled it off," Emily repeated.

"What's wrong?"

Emily paused, exhaling, looking at Paige in the dim light. "We never really talk about your parents."

Paige rolled onto her back, putting her hand behind her head and looking up at the ceiling. "There's not much to talk about," she said, trying to keep her tone even.

Emily touched Paige's arm. "I know things have always been… strained… with you and them."

Paige sighed, annoyed. She really didn't want to have the conversation. "It's in my past," she said matter-of-factly. "And the past is the past. There's no need to dredge that up."

"No," Emily conceded. "Except when… the past has a way of influencing the way you behave in the present."

"Are you saying I have Mommy issues?" Paige asked, trying to joke her way out of an uneasy conversation.

"Paige. I'm just saying. Sometimes, we both run into circumstances from our past that make us uncomfortable, and when they influence the way that we relate to each other… We need to get them out in the open."

Paige's chest heaved up and down. "So, you want me to go to counseling?"

"No, Paige…"

Paige turned to her side, facing Emily. "I'm being serious, Em. I'll go to counseling with you, if you think we need it."

"I don't think…" Emily touched Paige's cheek. "I just think that we need to talk – you and I. There are topics we avoid, and we just kind of put them in the closet, and they don't go away, they just…"

"Get rotten and start to stink?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah. I guess."

Paige shrugged. "Okay. So, what do you want to talk about?"

Emily tightened her lips. She wasn't getting her point across to Paige. She wasn't asking for a conversation; she just wanted them – both of them – to be more open about their past. "It's not just what  _I_  want, Paige. I know there are things that you want me to talk about, too."

"Oh, yeah, I get it, Em. I know. It's just, well, somebody's got to go first, and since you brought up my parents… Do you want to talk about my parents?"

Emily nodded slowly. She traced her finger down the front of Paige's t-shirt. "But not tonight," she told her. "Today was such a great day. I don't want to talk about it tonight."

Paige pulled Emily in a kissed her. "It was a great day, wasn't it?" She let out a breath and squeezed a bit tighter before letting go. "And I promise I'll try to be more open."


	15. Decisions

"I'm not available," Emily said softly but resolutely.

She hated this. It had been quite some time since she had to have this kind of conversation. But, as the band got more and more popular and started getting opportunities to play farther out from Rosewood, in new venues where they weren't really known, she found herself having to fend off groupies again.

"I'm with someone."

"Okay. Well, maybe he's not making you happy anymore."

"He's a she, and she's amazing."

The guy did a double-take but recovered quickly, giving Emily that you're-too-cute-to-be-a-lesbian look. It was precisely because of that look that Emily usually avoided outing herself to people who were hitting on her. Once they found out her preference, it was no longer just a question of fending off their unwanted advances; she, somehow, also had to prove to them that she was telling the truth about being gay. But things were different, now; now that she had someone in her life. It wasn't just, "I'm not interested in guys," it was "I'm with someone." And Emily wasn't going to deny what she had with Paige.

Fortunately, she didn't have to. Paige's timing was impeccable. No sooner had the words left Emily's mouth than she felt Paige's arm around her waist, and, turning her head, she greeted her with a kiss.

Looking up at the visitor, Paige offered a friendly, "Hello." The guy huffed and gave them a smirk before he turned to leave.

"Was it something I said?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Just one of the perks of touring with a band." She hugged Paige, needing her help to calm down. "I'm so glad you're here."

"I am, too," Paige whispered in her ear. She stepped back, putting some distance between them, and took Emily's face in her hands. "Are you okay?"

Emily hugged Paige close again. "I will be." She gave her a quick kiss. "Get me out of here."

The band was playing in Upstate New York; a bit too far for them to make the trek out from Rosewood and back the same day. Paige and Emily had decided to turn the trip into a little getaway, and had rented a room for the weekend.

Back at the hotel, Emily was exhausted. It wasn't just the driving or the performing (which usually energized her); it was her life in general. It would have been okay to do music as a hobby or to do it as a profession, but trying to combine both, working a forty-hour week and spending the whole weekend on the road, had her questioning her priorities and goals. Making music was supposed to be fun, but it wasn't all that fun anymore.

"I don't know, Paige. Maybe it's time I just give up on this whole dream of making it with a band."

Paige exhaled nervously. "But you love music, Em. I can't imagine your life without some kind of creative outlet."

"I  _loved_ ," Emily said. "I'm not sure I still do. It just seems like a chore, now - after working forty hours a week, trying to have some kind of home life…"

"Well, maybe the problem isn't music. Maybe the problem is your job."

Emily laughed. "Are you saying I should get a real job?"

"No," Paige said patiently. "I'm saying maybe music should be your real job. Maybe you should quit your other job."

"Paige, you know I can't make enough money to live on with the band. We barely make enough to cover our expenses when we go on the road."

"Okay, maybe you don't make enough, but  _we_  make enough." Emily looked at Paige skeptically. "I'm just saying, maybe it's time for us to stop thinking about your money and my money, and just start thinking of it as our money."

Emily shot Paige a devious smile. "Why, Paige McCullers, are you asking me to marry you?"

Emily was only joking. She knew how Paige felt about marriage. They had discussed it before; not in the context of the two of them getting married, but about marriage in general. From Paige's perspective, marriage was just about a piece of paper. She didn't need the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania to give its approval on what she felt. If she loved someone and wanted to commit to that someone, they could do it, just the two of them. They had nothing to prove to anyone else.

In part, her opinion was a reaction to the way that she'd grown up, looking for the perfect life, married to the perfect guy, raising the perfect family. When she finally set herself free from that paradigm and allowed herself to live the life she wanted, she called every aspect of her former ideal into question, concluding that love was love, no matter what anyone else had to say about it.

Emily's perspective on the matter was quite different. Having grown up in a time when marriage was a right denied to people who loved the way that she loved, marriage – and, in a broader sense, marriage equality – was a much more important goal. And, besides, for her, marriage wasn't just a piece of paper. It was a celebration. People get older whether or not they have birthday parties, but that doesn't make birthday parties irrelevant. And it was a covenant; a way to include their family and loved ones in their most intimate and sacred union.

It was never a serious topic of discussion between them. They both knew how the other felt. But they did take the opportunity to tease each other about it, when the situation presented itself.

Paige rolled her eyes at Emily's question. "I'd like to think that, if I ever did ask you to marry you, I'd come up with a more romantic way than that."

"So, you're not totally ruling out the possibility, then?" Emily joked.

"I didn't say, 'when.' I said, 'if.' So, no, I'm not ruling it out. You know, never say never."

"Yeah. Never say never; just say whatever."

"Huh?"

"Maybe  _I'll_  ask  _you_  to marry me," Emily replied, quickly switching gears. "Then what would you do?"

"Well, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  _If_ we come to it…"

Emily let out a deep breath and wrapped her arms around Paige. Paige loved that; she loved the way that Emily used physical closeness to express their togetherness. Not only did they need to be mentally as one, when they made a big decision; they needed to be physically as one as well.

"Do you really think I should quit my job?"

Paige shrugged. "I mean, I think it's definitely worth considering."

"And we'd be okay?"

"We might have to cut back on some things, but, yeah, we could make it work."

"Yeah, but I don't just mean financially okay. I mean, you and I. We'd still be okay?"

Paige gave Emily a kiss. "As I said, we need to stop thinking in terms of what's best for you and what's best for me, and concentrate on what makes the most sense for us."

Emily breathed deeply, putting her head on Paige's shoulder and rubbing her back. "You would be willing to support the decision, if we decide that I should quit my job?"

Paige kissed the top of Emily's head. "I think you should do it."

Emily nodded against Paige's shoulder. "Let's definitely consider it," she said. "I'm not going to go in and quit my job on Monday, but maybe, if we plan it out and figure out how to save some money, we can make it work."

"I'm sure we can, Em."

Emily squeezed Paige again. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For supporting my dreams."

" _Our_  dreams, Emily."

Emily nuzzled her head into Paige's shoulder. "I'm sorry for ruining our evening. We're here in the beautiful hotel room, and I'm just whining about my life."

Paige tightened her arms around Emily's waist. "I'm not sorry. You didn't ruin the evening."

Emily's voice got low and sultry. "Do you mean to tell me," she said, interspersing her words with kisses, "that you'd rather keep talking about this than take me to bed?"

"Well, no," Paige smirked, raising an eyebrow, "but I figured, if I hung in there for a little while longer, it would pay off in the end."

Emily gasped, smacking Paige across the cheek a little harder than she'd intended. She covered her mouth, ashamed at what she'd done and afraid that she'd killed the mood.

"Ooh," Paige cooed, "She likes the rough stuff!"

"Shut up," Emily pleaded, embarrassed and a little turned on by Paige's comment. She grabbed Paige's belt and pulled her into the bedroom.

Paige, knowing how physically and mentally exhausted Emily was, rubbed her back, helping her to sleep. She knew that she could've started something, and Emily would happily have gone with it, but it wasn't about her needs. Paige wanted to do what was best for them.

Paige also knew that Emily would be consumed with guilt when she woke up and would protest that Paige shouldn't have let her fall asleep. Paige could deal with that. They had all day – and all night – Saturday to take advantage of their weekend away. "Rest up, Emily," she whispered. "You're going to need it."

Emily awoke in the middle of the night, confused about where she was, but comforted at having Paige's strong arms around her. After a second or two, she remembered what had happened – and what hadn't happened – the night before. "Paige…" she whined to herself. She didn't mean to wake Paige up, but she felt Paige's arms tense.

"Are you okay?"

"Why did you let me sleep?" Emily whined, her eyes still closed. "I wanted to make love to you."

Paige rubbed Emily's arm and kissed the back of her neck. "We will," she assured her. "Get some sleep."

"But I don't want to sleep. I want to…"

"In the morning, you can take a nice, hot bath and relax." Paige's voice was soothingly hypnotic. "And we'll order room service, and we'll put the 'Do not disturb' sign on the door, and we'll spend the rest of the day in bed."

"Okay," Emily said sleepily, "but no sleeping. Just sex, okay?"

"Okay."

The next time Emily woke up, Paige wasn't next to her. She sat up, annoyed, and called her name. "Paige?" Paige didn't reply. All Emily heard was the bubbling of running water. There was a scent of steamy body wash coming from the direction of the bathroom. Emily suddenly grew excited. Trundling out of bed, she headed towards the sound and the scent. "Paige?"

Paige, sitting on the side of the bathtub, greeted her with a smile. "It's almost ready for you?"

Emily bounded over to her like an overstimulated puppy, giving her a long, deep kiss. She sat across from her on edge of the tub and ran her fingers through the water, purring her approval at the temperature of the water. She stood and stepped out of her clothes and into the tub. Tugging at Paige's arm, she invited her. "Come in with me."

"I don't think it's s two-person tub."

"It's fine," Emily whined. "Come in with me."

"I have to wait for the room service guy."

"They'll leave it at the door! Come in with me!" Emily started stroking Paige's knee. "You know you want to!"

Paige let out a yelp as Emily's finger strayed into the danger zone. Paige's competitive instincts were stoked. "Oh, so that's the way you want to play it?" Dropping the hotel's robe onto the ground, exposing nothing but herself beneath it, she crashed on top of Emily, sending water splashing everywhere.

Emily screamed. "Paige!"

"What are you going to do about it" Paige was lying on top of her, with her full body on top of her.

There wasn't enough room for Emily to maneuver herself into an offensive position, so she had to play dirty. She knew just the spot; a couple of gentle strokes, and Paige rolled over like puppy getting its belly rubbed.

"Oh, God," Paige moaned, "That's so not fair… that's so… that's so… Oh, God, that's so good, Emily!"

* * *

Paige wrapped herself in a towel and checked the peephole, making sure no one was out in the hallway. She opened the door slowly, checking her right and her left before she stooped down and picked up the room-service tray, quickly dragging it inside and closing the door behind her. By the time she got to the bed, where Emily was waiting, her towel had fallen off, much to Emily's delight.

The Mojitos were warm and the pancakes were a bit cold, but it didn't matter. They weren't looking for gourmet experience. They just needed to replenish their energy – and to store up some more energy for round two. They would have their day in bed, and it was going to take all the energy they could store up.


	16. A Period of Transition

It took Emily a while find her groove after she left her job. She had something that she hadn't had since she was a child: Free time during the day. That was something she never thought she'd see again after kindergarten.

The first thing that she discovered – or rediscovered – was sleep. It was a liberating feeling, knowing that she could sleep in in the mornings. She got up to see Paige off to work, but, after that, she frequently went right back to bed. It was kind of nice to be able to get up when her body was ready, not when her alarm went off.

The second thing she discovered was the couch. It was more comfortable than she had ever realized. It became her base of operations. She had her coffee there, and a light breakfast (or, more accurately, a light brunch, given the time of day when she got around to eating), and, after a quick shower (which often became a long shower, depending on how cold the apartment was or how emotional she was feeling), she planted on the couch, where she could read, play games, call her friends, or watch TV.

And, speaking of TV, Dr. Phil was her third discovery. She became a big aficionado. It got to the point where she pretty much could give the advice that he was about to give before he gave it. And she couldn't wait to share detailed recaps of the episodes with Paige over dinner.

Paige was patient. She had known from the beginning that Emily would need a period of adjustment. Paige didn't feel the need to rush her through it. They had made the decision for Emily's well-being, and this temporary life of leisure - this brief break to recharge her batteries - was a part of that. Paige knew that it wasn't good for Emily in the long run, but, more than that, she knew that Emily wouldn't be happy to remain idle in the long run.

Just as Emily had been patient with her, when she was figuring out how to process her sexuality, Paige resolved to be patient with Emily.

It was only a matter of weeks before Emily started to get dissatisfied with her life of leisure. It was making her feel gross; physically as well as emotionally. She began to sense that her body was getting soft, in the wrong way. Paige disagreed whenever Emily brought it up, but that's how she expected Paige to respond.

So Emily decided to step up her exercise game. As much as she relished her time on the trails with Paige during their weekend workouts, it wasn't enough. She put herself on two-a-days, starting with yoga in the morning and ending with weights in the evening. It was all on the down-low: She started in the mornings right after Paige left and ended in the evenings, just before Paige got home, and she did her best to put her yoga gear and the weights back exactly as they were before she had used them. She thought that it would make her look silly, if Paige knew that she was trying to get in shape again; something like the housebound wife making an adorable attempt to improve herself.

But, whether or not she was willing to admit it, that's what Emily was doing. She felt guilty that she got to stay home all day, while Paige went out to work. She was costing them money - the money that only Paige was earning. Even though Paige had told her that they needed to stop thinking in terms of her money and Paige's money, Emily didn't feel right not taking up her share of the load.

And that led to Emily's next discovery: couponing. She happened upon an episode of "Extreme Couponing," on one of the cable channels, and she couldn't turn it off. The channel ran back-to-back episodes all afternoon, and Emily was hooked – not just on the show, but on the concept. She might not have been earning money, but she could certainly save them some money. She couldn't go overboard, like some of the people featured in the show, because they didn't have a garage or a cellar in which to stockpile groceries. But she did learn how to make a significant dent in their grocery and household-items expenses.

Unlike exercising, this wasn't something that she could keep from Paige. First of all, as all good couponers know, it's impossible to save money like that and not brag about it. But, second, couponing is very time consuming. It was almost like a full-time job in itself. There was no way that Paige could not notice. And, finally, Paige decided that she had to intervene.

After dinner one night, Paige and Emily moved to the couch in the living room. Paige brought out some wine for them to share as they sat together. During a commercial break, she muted the TV, set her glass on the table, and turned, angling her body towards Emily.

"How are things coming with your music career?"

"Oh, you know." Emily meant that literally. Paige  _did_  know. "I guess we're still in the same place. You know, still slogging away at it, but not really making any progress." Emily was expecting Paige to tell her that it might be time to let go of her dreams. It didn't seem like an unreasonable argument.

"Have you thought about taking classes at Hollis?"

"What do you mean?" Emily had the education to get a job, if she wanted. She figured Paige was suggesting school as a way of easing her back into the decision to go to work.

"I don't know, maybe some performance classes or business classes. I mean, if we're serious about making a go at the music business, don't you think you should be applying yourself more?"

"Paige, I don't think you understand how much time I spend on the couponing. It's not just a hobby; it's actually saving us a lot of money." Emily was a little defensive, but she was keeping her cool.

"I understand that," Paige said patiently. "And I appreciate it. I really do. But you quit your job to become a full-time musician, not a full-time couponer."

"Paige, I…"

"Look, I get it," Paige continued. "Passions change. People change. Believe me, I know about that. And if that's what's going on, I'll support you. But that's not what I see, Em. Not from that rush you get on a Friday night, when you're getting ready for a show."

Emily looked down at her lap, trying to keep her hands still. "I'm just afraid…"

Paige lifted Emily's chin when she stopped in mid-sentence.

"What if we have money problems?"

"We'll be fine, Em. I've done the numbers, trust me."

"What if the band doesn't get any better-paying gigs?"

"We can still get by. We'll find a way."

"What if you start to resent me?" Emily, finally exposing her true fear, cut Paige off before she could reply with some other words of reassurance. "No, I'm serious. How come I get to live my dreams, when you have to get up and go to work every day? What about your dreams, Paige? Why should I be the one who gets to do what she wants?"

Paige opened her mouth and closed it again. She didn't want to give a facile answer. She knew that this was a big worry for her girlfriend.

"Sooner or later," Emily said, staring at her fingers as she twisted them in her lap, "you'll start to think about  _your_  dreams. And you'll start to realize how unfair it is. And you'll start to hate me."

Paige sat up and pointed her finger at Emily. "Hey," she said, sternly, "I could never hate you." She didn't mean to be so severe. Her body reacted before she had a chance to think it over.

"That's what you say now, but…"

"Emily, I love seeing you on stage. I love just being a part of that energy. We're a team now. When I see you up on stage, it's like seeing  _our_  dreams up there. It's not as if I'm making some huge sacrifice. This isn't one of those, 'stand by your man' things." Paige paused, tilting her head back. "Wait, 'man?' 'Stand by your ma'am?'"

"Whatever!" Emily said impatiently.

"Well, anyway, it's not like that. This is like..." It took Paige a second. "...going on a trip together. Sometimes, you're driving, and sometimes I'm driving, but either way, we're both heading to the same place. We've both got the same goal. Right?"

Paige kissed Emily softly, hoping she would get the point.

Emily relaxed against Paige's body and held her for a while, taking in everything she said. "Don't you have any dreams?" she asked sadly.

Paige chuckled. "Well, as a matter of fact, I do," she said. "But I'm pretty sure I'm never going to score the winning goal on the US Olympic Field Hockey team."

Emily elbowed her in the ribs. "You know what I mean."

Paige nodded. "I know what you mean. And, yeah, I have dreams. I do. Just not grandiose dreams, like yours. My dreams are of getting my team to Nationals, saving enough to get a nice house with a little bit of land, just enough for kids to run around in the backyard, having the freedom to take a month or two off when I want to, and… spending the rest of my life with the woman I love. And living her dreams with her."

Emily scoffed sarcastically. "Well, I hope you find that woman someday!" She immediately jumped from the couch, running away before Paige could get her back for that joke. Paige was happy to chase her. They both needed to release the tension of the moment.

Emily had a huge smile on her face as she faced Paige, faking one way and dashing in the other direction. But Paige still had her muscle-memory and reflexes from her field-hockey days. And chasing after kids at rowdy kids in the halls of Rosewood High had helped keep her sharp. She quickly adjusted, turning and grabbing Emily around the waist. Emily's momentum sent them both crashing down onto the couch.

"Aha!" Emily shouted triumphantly, when she came down on top of Paige, holding Paige's hands on top of her head. Paige didn't put up much of a fight.

"This was your plan all along, wasn't it?" Paige said, looking up at Emily. "Get me all sentimental, then get me worked up, and have your way with me?"

Emily leaned down and gave Paige a deep, full-on kiss, sliding her thigh in and out between Paige's thighs. "Mmm – You have no idea the plans I have for you, Paige McCullers!"

* * *

The next week, Emily went online and found a vocal coach. She was a delightful woman, a little older than Emily's mother, and, like Emily, she had pursued performing on a part-time basis, mainly for the love of it. She had a million stories, and they spent as much time going over her reminiscences as talking music – often leaving Emily doubled over in laughter. Emily didn't mind. It wasn't wasted time. Marguerite was teaching her as much about the performance side of music – selling a performance, winning over a crowd, giving it your all when you're not at your best – and the practical side – life on the road, balancing relationships, surrounding yourself with people you trust, who share your vision – as she was about the technical side. It was what just what Emily needed. And it got her energized for performing once again.

Emily went after her music with a renewed vigor. She wanted to give it her all, since she was carrying not just her dreams, but Paige's as well. But, at the same time, she longed to find a way to get behind Paige's dreams, and support Paige in the way that Paige was supporting her. She knew that Paige had to have dreams, even though she played them down. Emily decided to start with Paige had given her, working the dreams that Paige had shared with her.

* * *

"So, how did it go with Marguerite today?"

"It was good..." Emily thought it over. "Yeah. It was fun. We went into Philadelphia, and walked around. She showed me all these places which used to be clubs that aren't there anymore. I mean, she was living the life, back in the day. The jazz scene in Philly..." Emily trailed off.

"Is that where you see yourself?"

Emily shook her head vigorously. "No!" Philadelphia was never her goal. "I mean, maybe a couple of gigs on the side, every now and then, but I'm a small-town gal."

"Okay," Paige said cheerfully.

"She introduced me to an agent."

"Really?"

"Yeah, the nephew of some guy she used to sing with. Not that he'd be my agent or anything. He just told me about ways to get your foot in the door and stuff like that."

"Well, it sounds like an eventful day."

"It was." Emily took a couple of bites of her dinner and tapped her fork against her plate. "She asked me an interesting question."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. She said, 'If you could go back in time ten years, what would you tell yourself?'"

Paige tilted her head and nodded, giving it some thought. "Yeah. That's an interesting question."

Emily set down her fork and put her hands in her lap. "So, how would you answer that?"

"Umm... So, high school?" Emily nodded. "Let's see... I'd tell myself... 'You will meet a dark, beautiful woman in a bar. Be sure to tell her your last name.'" Emily rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I don't know," Paige pleaded. "I'd have to think it over. What did you tell her?"

Emily tilted her head. "I said I'd tell myself not to take things so seriously, you know? I mean, I remember that everything seemed so virally important back in high school. Like, life or death. There were no minor problems; everything was a crisis. So, I'd tell myself that it's okay. It may seem like the end of the world right now, but you'll be fine, in the end."

Paige chuckled. "I wish you'd been around to tell me that," she said. "Actually, I wish someone had told my parents that. That would've made my life so much easier!" Emily reached across the table and gave Paige's hand a comforting squeeze.

"So, did you think of anything yet?"

Paige exhaled. "I guess I'd tell myself... that it's okay to feel what you're feeling, you know? It doesn't matter that it's not what you expected to feel, or that no one else understands or accepts how you feel. And even if you can't tell anybody what you're feeling, it's still okay for you to feel what you feel." Paige shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Something like that."

"That's great, Paige." Paige smiled, dabbing a napkin against her lips. "And it's great that you've get to work with high school students, and you can give them that advice."

Paige nodded. "Yeah, kids are still the same, aren't they? They still have the same worries and fears."

Emily smiled shyly and grabbed a fistful of hair, holding it against her neck. She jabbed at her plate with the fork in her other hand. "Anyway, I've been thinking."

Paige set her fork down and rested her chin on her hand, giving Emily her full attention. It was a little more than Emily wanted. She had hoped to keep this discussion light, rather than make it a serious thing. She cleared her throat and dove in.

"You know I used to do some assistant coaching at Rosewood back in high school?"

"Are you kidding? Of course I know! I walk past your picture on the way to my office every day. 'The last Rosewood High team to win a national championship' – Hackett loves reminding me of that!"

Emily giggled nervously. "Well, I was thinking, I could volunteer again. A couple of days a week." Emily was following her fork with her eyes, not sure how Paige would react to the idea of her working again, rather than pouring herself into her music career.

Paige practically jumped out of her chair. "That's the best news I've heard all day!"

"Seriously?" Emily was full-on smiling. "I mean, I would only do it a couple of days a week. I could still keep up with my music."

"I know you could," Paige said. "And I'm pretty sure we even could find a couple of bucks in the Title IX budget for a stipend."

Emily exhaled, relieved. "You wouldn't mind me working at the school with you?"

Paige smirked and turned on her bedroom voice. "You, in a Navy blue tracksuit, with a little whistle around your neck? – I think I could get used to that!" Paige gave Emily a wink. "And you could show me that closet where you used to sneak off with your little girlfriends."

Emily gasped in shock at the insinuation. "There was no closet!"

"No?" Paige shrugged. "Well, there is, now. The kids don't think we know about it, but we do."

"Well, if closets are your thing, we've got several here to choose from."

"No way," Paige laughed. "No more closets for me."

Emily's face changed, becoming more serious, and she walked over to Paige's seat, sitting in her lap. "Do you know what the best thing is about living with you?"

Paige shook her head. "What?"

"Well, remember that night when my Dad went through everything, and I called you at like one in the morning?"

Paige nodded.  _I really need you._  She could never forget.

"Well," Emily said, playing with the collar of Paige's shirt, "now I don't have to call you. Now you're already here!"

Paige smiled brightly and gave Emily a kiss. "There's nowhere I'd rather be."


	17. Class Reunion

"You really want to go to this thing?" Paige asked. It was obvious how she felt about it.

"Yes…" Emily stroked Paige's cheek, trying to be persuasive. "I want to show off my hot girlfriend!"

Paige huffed. "So, do we have to come up with some… I don't know… medieval, high-society costume or something?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Paige, it's a high school reunion. It's not 'Eyes Wide Shut.'"

"Yeah, I know. I'm just saying. I remember all those news stories out of Rosewood. Everyone was always in these elaborate costumes. Like, Hollywood costumes, not PA costumes." Paige started listing them off. "The teary-eyed Marilyn Monroe explaining what happened on the Halloween train…."

"That would be my best friend, Hanna."

"… Standing next to some weird spacewoman in an aluminum foil one-piece bathing suit…"

"That would be yours truly…"

Paige gasped, her mouth wide open. "No way! That was you?"

Emily nodded, smiling dismissively. "Not one of my greatest choices."

Paige tried to speak, but she was tongue-tied. Emily could see her face becoming more and more red.

"Go ahead," she said wearily. "Say it. Whatever it is you're thinking, I'm sure it's nothing I haven't heard before!"

"I… uh…" Paige shook her head no, slowly fanning herself with her hand in a futile attempt to get the blush to dissipate. "I wouldn't even know where to begin."

"I was supposed to be Barbarella, okay?" Emily shook her head at the memory. "I don't know why I let the salesgirl talk me into it… Nobody's even heard of Barbarella, but she said I'd look hot in it, and…" Emily's volume dropped considerably. "…There was this girl I was trying to impress, so…"

Paige took hold of Emily's arms to stop her from talking. "Em, you don't understand," she said slowly. "That… seeing you in that costume on the news… That was one of the first times I realized that… I might not exactly be straight."

"Paige, I was only on TV for like two seconds."

"Yeah, and I Tivo-ed the hell out of those two seconds!"

Emily gasped in shock. "You did not!" Paige shrugged her shoulders. "Paige," Emily said flatly, "I looked ridiculous!"

Paige chuckled, shaking her head at the memory. "No. The... uh... Let's just say, the costume-shop girl was right." Paige tilted her head back, wistfully. "You looked…" she let out another low, throaty chuckle. "I don't even have the words." Putting her hands up, she summarized, "Let's just say someon had a lady boner."

"Paige!"

"I'm not proud of myself," Paige said, throwing her hands up.

"Are you seriously telling me that you thought I looked hot?"

"Do you still have that costume?"

"Paige!" Emily smiled at the ridiculousness of the question. "It was a  _rental_!"

"Do you think they still have it in stock?"

Emily kissed Paige. "You're funny."

Paige shook her head. "I am not even kidding. How come you never told me about that before?"

"What, was I supposed to say? 'Oh, hi. I'm Emily. You might remember me from the two seconds I was on TV wrapped up in an aluminum foil swimsuit!'"

"Well, if you had, we might've started dating sooner," Paige muttered under her breath.

* * *

Paige was feeding off Emily's energy as they pulled up to The Radley. Emily had been telling her about her friends from high school, and giving Paige her side of the story on all the weirdness that had taken place. "The media blew it way out of proportion," she said. "They'd say anything to get people to tune in. Seriously, if it was half as bad as what they reported, they would've had… I don't know – the National Guard or the CIA in there, or something."

"Didn't they?"

Emily gave Paige a good glare before she continued. "And, you know, it didn't hurt that they were able to sensationalize the plight of some young, good looking high school girls. That's a surefire way to get people to tune in."

"Yeah, I always thought there had to be something in the water, you know. I mean, I thought that all the women in this town looked like you guys." Paige squeezed Emily's hand. "I can't believe I'm actually going to get to meet all those women I used to see on TV!"

"Paige," Emily said sternly, "attempt to be cool."

"I'll attempt," Paige said, "but I can't promise anything."

Paige was a little overwhelmed by the scene inside The Radley. There was a constant soundtrack from their high school days playing in the background, overlaid with the hum of a hundred simultaneous conversations. Emily led Paige by the hand as she navigated to the bar and kept a lookout for her friends. From time to time, people would stop by to chat. Everyone, it seemed, knew Emily. Paige had been fairly popular, as a two-sport athlete, in high school, but Emily was on another level. She seemed to be the girl about whom everyone wanted to be able to say, "She's my friend." Paige could understand why. She almost giggled with delight every time Emily introduced her as her girlfriend.

Paige started to tune out the conversation that Emily was having with one of her friends from the swim team. Her mind was wandering, mulling over the words that Emily kept repeating: My girlfriend. That, she realized, is what she was. She had never really felt that way before. She couldn't remember Sean introducing her that way, although she was sure that he must have, at one time or another. But hearing Emily say it really made an impact on her. They were girlfriends. They were bonded; connected. They belonged together. They were a couple. As many different ways as there were to express it, it never got old to Paige.

Emily, having finished her conversation, squeezed Paige's hand, sandwiching it between both of hers. She took the fact that Paige's mind was elsewhere as an indication that she wasn't having a good time. "I'm sorry," she said meekly. "Thanks for coming with me."

Paige, rather than trying to explain her thoughts, smiled in delight and gave Emily a kiss.

"What's that for?" Emily asked skeptically.

"I love you!"

"Umm... thanks? I love you, too?" Emily meant it, but wasn't quite sure why they were saying it right at that moment.

* * *

"Uh oh…"

Emily looked panicked. Paige instinctively got into a defensive posture. "What's wrong?"

Emily gestured with her wine glass in the direction of the dance floor. There was no mistaking whom she was gesturing towards. The blonde girl dancing with about five or six guys was obviously the center of attention.

"That's Alison DiLaurentis," Emily explained.

"Alison… Why do I know that name?"

"She was the girl everyone thought was dead…"

"Right – she faked her death…"

"Something like that," Emily said wearily.

Paige could tell that there was more to the story. "Are you okay?"

"She," Emily sighed, "was also my first crush. Before I even realized what a crush was."

"Should I be jealous?" Paige was trying to strike a balance between lightening the mood and taking Emily seriously.

Emily waved her off. "Nothing like that," she said. "She was… that girl who finds out someone has a crush on her and uses it to her advantage."

"Is she gay? Bi?"

"She was…" Emily closed her eyes and collected herself. "She was just gay enough to get what she needed out of me. If you know what I mean."

Paige squeezed Emily's hand. She had a pretty good idea what Emily meant. "Do you want to get out of here?"

Emily shook her head. "Just stay close to me, okay?"

Emily's phone buzzed and, after reading the message, she looked over her shoulder to the table where her crew high school was sitting. "Come on," she said, grabbing Paige's hand and leading the way. Safely there, she made introductions. "Okay, Toby you know" – Toby raised his glass – "and that's Spencer, Hanna…"

"Marilyn Monroe…"

Emily rolled her eyes, "Hanna and Caleb, and Aria and Ezra." Paige held out Emily's chair and took a seat herself.

"Well, it's great to meet you," Hanna said, adding, "Finally! I thought Emily was going to keep you to herself!"

"Yeah, she lets me out of the apartment, sometimes," Paige said shyly.

"As long as it's not raining, right, Emily?"

Emily, Spencer, and Aria's heads all whipped over to Hanna, giving her the same look. Apparently, they were all familiar with Paige's affection for rainy days. Paige cleared her throat and sheepishly took a sip of her drink.

"What?" Hanna protested, looking at Emily. "It's not as if it's a secret that you can't keep your hands off of her."

And, right on cue, Alison DiLaurentis sidled up to the table. "Well, you know what I always say," Emily rolled her eyes, knowing what was coming next. "Shy in the streets, sexy in the sheets."

Emily wasn't that shy teenage girl anymore. Not that Alison would ever let her live it down.

"Hi," she said, extending her hand towards Paige. "I'm Alison DiLaurentis."

"This is my girlfriend, Paige McCullers," Emily interjected, eager to identify Paige as hers, and not sure that Paige would do it herself.

Alison tilted her head and gave Emily a look of approval, which Emily took to be sarcastic. Paige, sensing that Emily was getting agitated, gently stroked her arm. She was well conscious of her promise to stay close to Emily.

"And what do you do, Paige McCullers?" Emily took it as an attempt to gain advantage. Either Paige was in a creative field, like Emily, and Alison would be able to wish them luck in their poverty, or Paige had a traditional job, and Alison could imply that Emily was with her for stability.

"Didn't you hear?" Spencer interjected, with a little bit of threat in her tone. "She's the AD at Rosewood High."

Alison looked at Emily again, as if to say, "Ooh – you've got a real one!" Turning to Paige, she said, "Well, I guess Emily found a way to relive her glory days through you!"

Paige just smiled. She might have exchanged barbs with Alison, had Emily not forewarned her. Things being as they were, she decided to say as little as possible. She knew that Emily didn't want a scene to ruin their evening.

Alison worked her way around to everyone else before she got around to Emily.

"So, Emily. I hear your band's really taking off. It's a shame they couldn't play for our reunion tonight."

"Oh, yeah, I'm so sure," Hanna barked, not hiding her contempt. "That's just what Emily wants - to be on stage working instead of hanging out with her friends."

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time that she had to work in order to get an invite to a party."

Paige tensed up at the tone of that comment. Emily clutched her hand, to calm her down - and to keep her from doing something rash. Alison shot her a subtle smirk. She'd achieved what she came for: She'd gotten a reaction out of Emily's date. Feeling smug and superior, she flitted off to make her presence known to the rest of the guests.

"So, Paige." Hanna moved quickly to change the energy as soon as Alison was gone. "Did Emily ever tell you the story of the humble beginnings of her music career?"

Paige smiled at Emily. "You know, I don't think I ever did hear that story."

"Oh, man." Emily laughed, putting her hand on Paige's shoulder. "It all started in my bedroom, bouncing around on the bed, singing into a hairbrush." Emily sighed out another laugh. "God - Remember that, Hanna?"

Paige shifted her gaze to Hanna. "Oh, you used to sing with her, too?"

"Oh, pleeeeeeeze!" Hanna shook her head, rolling her eyes. "When I used a hairbrush in my high school fantasies, it had nothing to do with singing!"

"Hanna!" Spencer and Aria both yelled at the same time.

"What? My fantasy was to be in fashion. You guys know that! I used a hairbrush to brush hair! You're the ones with the dirty minds!"

"Wow, so you're both living out your dreams," Paige mused, rubbing Emily's arm enthusiastically. "That's so great."

"Yeah," Emily said calmly. She wanted to shift the subject back to the story. Truth be told, she was still feeling a little guilty that she was getting to live her dream. "So, for me, the bed was a stage, and for Hanna, it was a runway. She would style me, and I would perform. We used to keep it up till my Mom yelled at us to go to sleep, right, Hanna?" Emily's face lit up at the memory, and her head fall onto Paige's shoulder. "Anyway," she sighed, "I could never join glee club or do anything with music, because, well, you know. Swimming took up all my time. But, then I got injured my senior year..."

"Ohhhh!" Paige said, tilting her head back as she thought it over. "Oh! Oh! Oh!" It all made sense, once she heard about the injury. "That was you! I remember that! My coach was so upset. She told me that one of the finest swimmers in PA had a career-ending injury. She said I missed out on a once-in-a-career chance to swim against someone who could bring out the best in me at State Championships!"

"Yeah." Emily was a little saddened by the memory. Paige rubbed her back soothingly. She felt bad for her excitement over the memory which had to have been painful for Emily. "So, anyway," Emily continued, still upbeat, "I helped coach for a while in high school, and that was kind of cool, but when I started at Pepperdine, I decided, 'You know what? I've got some freedom now,' - with the time to do what I'd always wanted to do. So, I started getting to know some musicians, going to talent nights and things, and..." Emily shrugged.

"The rest is history." Paige pulled Emily in by the shoulder for a hug and kissed her cheek, feeling incredibly proud of her girlfriend. Seeing Emily happy like that made her happy, too. And Emily's friends were very welcoming and accepting. She felt like one of them, not like their friend's girlfriend. She was having a great night.

* * *

Emily started to get antsy after spending too much time in her seat. When the band launched into a version of "Shake it off," Emily grabbed Paige by the hand and made a dash for the dance area, exclaiming, "Ooh I love this song!" Paige took a moment to watch in adoration as Emily, looking totally carefree, shook it off – all the regrets, all the mistakes, all the fears, all the pain of high school. Paige was overcome by the feeling she'd had that first time she saw Emily on stage: She wanted to be in that place, wherever it was, that Emily was. But, this time, that wish could come true. Emily didn't let Paige remain a spectator very long. When she saw her standing there, gawking with a goofy grin, she yanked her into the action. By the time the song was over, Paige had made it to where Emily was, all her burdens shaken off.

After the people on the dance floor, which had filled up considerably during the Taylor Swift song, clapped and hooted their gratitude for the band's choice, the band changed up the pace, going into Pink's "Glitter in the Air." Paige held Emily close as they swayed in the little patch of the dance floor that they had claimed as their own, all but oblivious to the rest of the world, exchanging smiles and soft kisses as they shuffled back and forth and side to side in small, adoring steps.

* * *

"It was a great night," Paige called out to Emily, as she got ready for bed.

"It's going to be." Emily's voice was somewhat muffled behind the closed bathroom door.

"What did you say?"

"Never mind!"

Paige shrugged it off. She was still replaying their time on the dance floor in her head. "That Spencer Hastings is something else, isn't she?"

"Yeah. I told you that you two would get along!"

Paige chuckled at the accuracy of Emily's prediction. "Toby's good for her. I get why they're together."

"Yeah. Paige, could you help me with this?"

Paige dashed to the bathroom door. "Are you okay? Oh. My. God…"

Emily put her hands wide at her side and turned, giving Paige a full 360-degree view of her Barbarella costume.

"How did you even…"

"Internet," Emily explained, a little nervously. She wasn't a kid anymore, and neither was Paige. It's not easy to live up to a childhood memory. "I mean, it's not the same…"

She never got to finish that sentence. Paige's lips were on her in a heartbeat. It may not have been the same costume, but it was close enough. It wasn't really about the costume, after all. It was about the one she loved, still finding ways to surprise and delight her. In a feat of adrenaline that surprised them both, Paige swept her off her feet and carted her off to bed.

_A great night._


	18. That Awkward Moment

The friends agreed to meet for breakfast the morning after the reunion, before Aria, Hanna, and Spencer left town. Everyone wanted to go back to The Brew, for reasons more related to nostalgia than to the food. They weren't the only ones who had that idea; the place was abuzz with their Rosewood High classmates, most with their significant others; a few with children.

It was women-only at Paige and Emily's table. The guys, not really interested in the history of how Paige an Emily met, chose to sleep in, with the option of joining them later.

"So," Hanna prompted as she took a seat, smoothing her slacks out beneath her, "let's hear it: How did you guys get together?"

Emily looked at Paige. "You should tell it."

"I should tell it?"

Emily wrapped her arms around Paige's arm. "I like it when you tell it."

Hanna pulled Emily's arms off of Paige. "None of that," she chided. "We're not here for your cute PDA. If that's what this brunch is about, then Caleb should be here with me!"

Emily put her hands up, moving them away from Paige. When Paige remained silent, Emily prodded her with a nudge to the side.

"You really want me to tell it?" Paige mumbled to Emily.

"Yes!" Hanna interrupted impatiently. "I already know Emily's side of the story!"

Paige chuckled at that. "Her side? It makes it sound like a competition."

"Oh, whatever, just tell me before my coffee gets cold!"

"Okay, so, we met in a bar. We were both waiting for blind dates."

"Oh, so you  _were_  waiting for a blind date?" Emily teased, remembering Paige's deception.

"I told you that!"

"That's not the story I got at the time!"

"I only told you that I wasn't back then because I didn't want to seem pathetic."

"So, you're saying that I seemed pathetic to you?"

"I…you… Wait, do  _you_  want to tell the story?"

Emily put her hands up. "I'm just teasing, just teasing..."

Hanna grunted impatiently. "Paige, talk! Em," – Hanna made a zipping gesture across her lips.

"So, I saw her alone in the bar and went over, because, I mean, who wouldn't? And I kept her company until her real date got there, at which point she mercilessly abandoned me…"

"I tried to find you later, to apologize…"

"But I was with my own blind date, by then."

"And?" Hanna asked impatiently.

"And that was it," Paige concluded.

"Okay, but what happened afterwards?"

"Oh." Paige cleared her throat. "Well, I went out a couple more times with Sean, my blind date, and, meanwhile, Emily started hitting all the bars and nightspots in the greater Philadelphia area, trying to track down this hot piece of meat…" Paige pointed her thumbs at herself.

Emily smiled and shook her head. She couldn't deny it too forcefully, because Paige's words were based on a true story. It was an exaggeration, but it was an entertaining one. And it was such an obvious exaggeration that no one would fall for it.

"So, then, we had this gig at the Art Museum," Emily said, touching Toby on the shoulder to stoke his memory of that evening. "And Paige was there with her... guy-friend, which…" Emily paused, scrunching her face to indicate how shocked she had been at the sight of Paige with Sean.

"Because you were hoping that I was queer."

"Because I was  _assuming_  that you were queer, from the blatantly non-heterosexual way you kept staring at my legs all night at the bar." Emily winked at Hanna. "And, I was right, by the way."

"So, I creeped on her band's facebook, because I wanted to get to know her. And, soon, we started hanging out, just as friends."

"And we got really close, until we had this huge bitchy fight which, honestly, if that wasn't enough to convince us how gay we were for each other…"

"But I was still deep in denial."

Emily rolled her eyes, playfully swatting at Paige's shoulder. "You were Mariana Trench in denial!" She playfully swatted at Paige.

"Whatever. So, I ran into Emily at another gig, and she sang this really…" Paige slowed down, allowing time for her cheerful tone to turn serious; almost reverent. "... this really apologetic song, like really putting her heart on the line."

"Uh huh. And you rejected me." Emily pointed out amiably.

"I… was still in a bad place."

"And that's when I came to visit you?" Hanna asked.

"Yeah. And Paige made her grand gesture, but, by then, it was my turn to be 'in a bad place.'"

"But we got over ourselves, and... blah blah blah now we're sharing an apartment."

Aria had been looking back and forth between the two of them as they spoke, her eyes wide with delight and her lips curled into a broad smile beneath them. "You guys are just like an old married couple," she declared with a laugh.

Emily and Paige looked awkwardly at each other for a moment before Paige looked down and Emily looked away.

Aria jumped forward quickly in her seat, putting her hands atop Paige and Emily's as she did. "I'm sorry." Her eager expression had dimmed when she read their non-verbal response to her comment. "I wasn't implying... I mean, I know it's between the two of you. It's just – you know how they say married couples finish each other's sentences..."

Aria's expression morphed into near-panic as she waited for a response and got nothing except awkward silence.

"It's fine," Emily said at last, forcing a smile as she looked at Paige.

"Yeah," Paige concurred, giving Emily a wink. "We  _do_  tend to finish each other's sentences."

Hanna rolled her eyes, knowing that there was more to the story than Paige and Emily were willing to let them in on. "Yeah, yeah" she said sarcastically. " 'Move along, ladies... Nothing to see here...' "

* * *

"Okay, what was going on back there?" Hanna asked Aria and Spencer, after Paige and Emily left so that Emily could get ready a show that the band had booked for later in the day.

"What?" Aria asked innocently. "I asked a question that they obviously weren't ready to discuss yet. It's my fault; I'm the one who made them feel uneasy."

"That wasn't just uneasy," Spencer opined. "I'm with Hanna. There's definitely something going on here."

"Well, maybe they just felt put on the spot, you know? You know, because none of the guys came with us. Paige was the only partner. Maybe they just weren't ready to talk about it."

"Well, they seemed pretty eager to talk about the rest of their relationship," Spencer pointed out.

"Right!" Hanna agreed, pointing her finger at Spencer. "They're not ready to talk about this with us, that's for sure," Hanna said. "Clearly, they've talked about it with each other. And either it's good news that they're waiting to tell everybody all at once, or…"

"Or it's bad news that they're trying to hide from us."

Aria was a little confused that Spencer and Hanna were so certain that Paige and Emily were keeping something from them. "Well, they didn't seem to be covering over any relationship issues. They sure seemed happy to me. That's why I said what I did." Aria shrugged, putting her hands up as she did. "Don't be so paranoid!"

Spencer couldn't help laughing at that. She hugged Aria amiably from the side. "Don't be so paranoid? Seriously, do you even remember high school?"

Aria laughed too, and decided to let it drop. But Spencer continued. "Look, I agree that they look happy, and I don't think they'd fake it for us. Not all last night and today – I mean, Paige didn't even have to come today. So, I'm going to assume it's good news."

"Or, at least, not bad news," Hanna added.

* * *

"I'm sorry." Emily leaned over to give Paige a kiss and hugged her, to make sure that she was okay.

"You don't need to be," Paige assured her, stroking her arm.

"It was just that uncomfortable silence. I can only imagine what my friends are thinking. They're probably talking about us now."

"So, this isn't so much an apology as you wanting to talk about it some more?"

Emily sighed. "Paige, I'm happy with our relationship. I really am. I want you to know that. And, yes, I'd like to get married, but it's not a deal-breaker for me. Who knows? Maybe in a few years, I'll change, and it won't be a goal for me. Or maybe you'll change."

"It would be funny if we both changed, eh, Em?"

The expression on Emily's face told Paige that, no, it wouldn't be funny.

"I'm sorry," Paige said, sincerely. "And I get what you're saying. I really do. I just… I don't know. It feels as if, ever since I was a kid, I was taught that little girls need to grow up and get married – or need to  _want_  to grow up and get married. And it just feels as if I lived in captivity to that way of thinking all my life, so… once I liberated myself from the hetero-norm, it just seemed…"

Emily nodded. "Well, we don't have to go over it again," she said with a kiss to hide her disappointment. She'd heard Paige's side of the argument before, and Paige had heard hers. "I know how you feel, and you know how I feel."

"You're sure you're okay with it?" Paige asked tentatively.

"I'm okay with  _you_ ," Emily replied. "I love you. I love you enough not to marry you."

Paige half-smiled. "Aw - I love you enough not to marry you, too."

They knew it wasn't that simple, but it would have to be enough, for the time being.

* * *

"Thanks for coming to the show tonight." Emily, yawning, squeezed Paige's knee as Paige backed her car out of the parking spot. "One of the hardest things about nights like this was always driving home alone."

Paige rubbed Emily's thigh. "Go to sleep," she urged her. "You're exhausted, and it's a long drive."

"Are you sure?" Emily reclined her seat before Paige had a chance to answer. Paige smiled at the sight of Emily, curled up in the seat, looking for all the world like a sleeping teddy bear. Or some other beloved stuffed animal; Paige was too tired to think. She reached in the back seat and grabbed her leather jacket to drape over Emily. Emily snuggled into it with a contented murmur. "I wish we could've stayed overnight."

"Yeah," Paige agreed, smiling but keeping her eyes on the road.

"We need to get away – just the two of us. Maybe some place like..."

Emily seemed to be thinking over the potential destination for an inordinate amount of time. When Paige looked over to see what was happening in her head, she saw that she was fast asleep.

* * *

"Em?" Emily slowly, sleepily stirred in her seat. "We're home, Hon."

"Okay."

"Emily," Paige said a little louder.

"Mmm… Just a couple minutes more," Emily pleaded. "I'll get up, I promise."

"Come on, Em. You need to get out of the car and into our bed." Emily turned away and drew her legs up into the seat, seemingly content to spend the rest of the night there. Paige held down the button on her armrest to roll down the window on the passenger side, sending a gust of cold air Emily's way. That did the trick: Emily was instantly awake.

"You're the meanest woman in the world," she said sleepily.

Paige laughed. "Would it have been nicer of me to let you sleep in the car all night?"

"No," Emily insisted. "It would have been nicer of you to carry me up to bed."

Paige laughed again at the workings of Emily's sleepy mind. "Well, I'll be sure to remember that next time."


	19. Rainy Saturday

Emily was surprised, when she woke up, that Paige wasn't lying next to her. When she heard the gentle patter of rain outside, she understood why. She got up, wrapped a robe around herself, and went to the living room. Paige was exactly where Emily she knew she would be, standing at the window.

Emily wrapped her arms around Paige, hugging her behind. She knew what Paige was going to say.

"I love the rain," Paige said without turning around, and Emily laughed, giving Paige a kiss on the back of her neck.

"You always say that!"

Paige turned, putting her arms on Emily's hips. "It's true. I used to hate it. I used to think of rain as canceled plans, but now… I see it as an opportunity for new and unexpected plans."

Emily knew when it was that Paige's opinion of the rain had changed. And she knew why. It was that weekend at the cabin; the weekend where the rain never stopped – and neither did they.

Paige put her forehead on Emily's. "Unexpected can be good, right?" she asked in a soft, deep voice.

"So, what plans shall we make for today?" Emily asked, smiling, because she knew what Paige's answer would be.

Paige took a deep breath and pulled Emily in a bit closer. "Let's just stay in. Watch some movies. Order a pizza, if we get hungry. But just – do nothing."

 _Oh. Okay._ That answer was definitely unexpected, but it sounded like fun. She gave Paige a kiss. "Perfect."

Emily went to put on some sweats. From the bedroom, she called out, "So what do you want to watch?"

"I thought we could binge the new season of 'Stranger Things?'"

"Yeah," Emily said, pulling on a sweatshirt as she emerged from the bedroom. "That sounds like fun."

The program on the TV was paused when Emily got to the living room. "This doesn't look like Stranger Things," she said skeptically, standing with her hands on her hips.

Paige, sitting on the couch with one leg crossed over the other, brandishing the remote, shrugged her shoulders. "I figured we could watch that movie you always wanted me to watch with you."

Emily enthusiastically sidled over to the couch and sat next to Paige, her face all lit up. "'Rudy?' You're actually going to watch 'Rudy' with me?"

Paige rolled her eyes and clicked play on the remote. "No," she said dismissively, "not that one."

Emily gasped, covering her face with her hands as the movie started. "'Casablanca?'" She grabbed a fistful of Paige's sleeve. "You're going to watch 'Casablanca' with me?" Her voice was high-pitched and her eyes were open wide.

"I guess," Paige sighed, trying to make it sound like an enormous sacrifice.

Emily kissed her cheek. "I can't believe you're going to watch 'Casablanca' with me!" Emily reached for the remote and paused the movie, darting off of the couch, headed towards the bathroom. "I need to get some tissues!"

Emily was leaning into Paige with her feet up on the couch and her head on Paige's chest. She kept looking up at Paige, to make sure that she was still okay. It wasn't her kind of movie, but of course she was okay. It didn't matter what they were watching – or doing. With Emily holding her, the weight of Emily's head on her chest, she couldn't help but have a great time.

* * *

Emily let out a sigh and wiped her tears away after the movie. She gave Paige another kiss of gratitude and stood with a stretch, her belly button exposed as her hands went high above her head and she let out a contented groan. As she gathered up the pile of tissues to take to the trash can in the kitchen, she said, "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Paige smiled. "I enjoyed it," she said honestly, but she was talking about the experience of watching the movie and not about the movie itself.

"I'm picking the next one," Emily said when she crashed back down on the couch and bumped Paige off to the side. As she navigated through the choice of films, she put her hands over Paige's eyes so that she could surprise her. Paige couldn't help smiling at the gesture. She loved when Emily was playful like that.

When Emily removed her hand, Paige saw that she had chosen "Wonder Woman." She laughed. "We don't have to watch this, Em. I know it's not…"

Emily put her finger on Paige's lips to silence her. "You chose your movie, now I get to choose mine."

Paige put her arm around Emily's shoulder and squeezed. As much as she wanted to see Wonder Woman (again), she kind of wanted to watch another romance; not for the movie itself, but for the way that Emily clung to her and got all romantic herself.

But they were still together on the couch, and still close. Emily still had her head on Paige's chest – buried in Paige's chest, whenever there was a violent or gory scene. It was a different kind of experience, but just as enjoyable.

Emily yawned as the closing credits rolled. "Sleepy?" Paige asked.

"A little," Emily said pleasantly.

"Do you want to take a break?"

Emily shook her head against Paige's shoulder.

"Do you want me to order a pizza?"

Emily shook her head again. "No," she said after a moment. "I just want to sit here with you."

Paige scratched Emily's hair and kissed the top of her head. Before Paige knew what was happening, Emily crawled into her lap, straddling her, and began kissing her. "I love this," she said, in a low, sexy voice. "I love just spending the day with you. Hanging out." She started kissing Paige again. It didn't feel sexual, like a prelude to taking things back to the bedroom. It felt like connecting; expressing their love.

Emily slid off of Paige's lap and onto her feet. She pulled Paige up and put her arms around her back, low around her hips. She kissed her again and looked down, hiding her expression behind her face. She bit her lip. She didn't know why she was going to do what she was about to do, but she knew that she had to. "Paige," she said, her lips trembling slightly. "I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I know how you feel about marriage, but I want to marry you."

Paige smiled and made a noise that sounded like a scoff. She took a step back from Emily, wriggling away as Emily tightened her grip, trying to keep her close. Paige held up her index finger, signaling for Emily to wait. As she headed off to the bedroom, Emily, with her hands on her hips, took a deep breath, her shoulders rising and falling with it. She had no idea what Paige was up to, but she didn't regret having asked what she had asked. She had thought a lot about marriage since the reunion, and she still came back to Paige and her, spending the rest of their lives together as a married couple. After the day they had together, Emily decided she would give it one more shot. If Paige said yes, it would be great. If she said no, Emily wouldn't ask again. She would just trust and wait for the day to come when Paige asked.

Paige returned to the room with her hands cupped together around something. When she was back in front of Emily, she lifted her left hand, revealing a small jewelry box. Emily looked at her, puzzled. She realized that it had to be a ring. "Paige, did I… Did I ruin a surprise that you were planning?"

"No," Paige said simply, opening the box to confirm that it was a ring. "Emily, my life has changed so much since I met you, and all the changes have been…" Paige leaned her head back. "… incredible. And I realized that one day this moment would come, when you and I would have to decide where we were going to go with our relationship. And I bought this ring because, when that moment arrived, I wanted you to know that I wasn't just deciding to go along with you; do what you want. I wanted you to know that this is what I want, too."

Emily spread her arms wide and held Paige so tight. She laughed in relief and kissed her, with a kiss that was supposed to be quick but ended up being sustained and passionate. Again, it wasn't a prelude to anything; it was just the inevitable pairing of their lips and tongues, in response to the eternal pairing of their souls that they had just agreed to. "So," Emily said in a deep sexy voice, her fingers tickling the back of Paige's neck, " can I take that as a yes?"

"Yes," Paige said, followed by a kiss. "Yes! Yes!" Each new yes was accompanied by a new kiss. "Yes, of course I will marry you, Emily Fields."

Emily's lips parted and she kissed Paige again, one hand on Paige's shoulder and the other on the back of her head. She started laughing in pure delight. Rainy days had always been lucky for them.

* * *

Paige and Emily took a picture of themselves, both on their knees, both holding the ring up, as if both were proposing. They wanted a little ambiguity; to leave people guessing who had asked whom. It was, after all, a mutual decision.

When the picture went up on Instagram, the response was immediate. Hanna was the first to call, claiming, in a short, one-sided conversation that ended up being a series of high-pitched squeals, that she had known all along. She nominated herself for the wedding planner, and volunteered to design all the dresses for the wedding party. Spencer and Aria, though just as enthusiastic, were more muted. They limited themselves to comments on Instagram and texts, correctly assuming that Paige and Emily would want some time to themselves.

After their promised pizza lunch, Emily called her parents. She tried to play it cool, but she was a shrieking mess in a matter of seconds.

Pam Fields couldn't have been happier. "Does this mean I can look forward to grandchildren in the near future?"

Emily laughed, rolling her eyes at Paige. "Really? That's the first response you have to this news?"

Paige, trying to keep up with the conversation, mouthed the word, "What?" Emily made the gesture of rocking a baby and mouthed back, "Kids."

* * *

Emily laid the phone on the table and put her arms around Paige's neck after the call. She gave her a kiss. "My Mom says hi," she told her, "and congratulations." Paige smiled and hugged Emily, rubbing her back.

Emily moved to the couch, tucking one leg under, and reached for Paige's hand, to get her to join her. "Paige," she began, and Paige tensed a little, knowing that there was something serious or unpleasant on Emily's mind.

"Yeah?" Paige tried to keep an even keel.

"When am I going to meet your parents?"

Paige let her head fall back against the couch and breathed a heavy sigh.

"I know that things are strained with them, and I know we don't ever talk about them." Emily paused, exhaling heavily. She took Paige's hand. "But, Paige, I'm going to be your  _wife._  We're going to have to deal with this one way or the other."

"I know. I... I know, Emily."

Paige didn't sound upset or frustrated, to Emily's great relief.

"I mean, it's great that we live so close to my parents, and I'm glad that you get along so well with them, but... I want our kids to know both sets of their grandparents, you know?"

"Kids?" Paige chuckled. "You're seriously already thinking about kids?"

Emily knew that Paige was trying a diversionary tactic. She pressed on, trying to keep on-message.

"I know you want kids, Paige. And whether it's soon or far in the future, I still want them to know their grandparents."

"Okay, but we don't know what the future has in store. We may move, or my parents may move, or get sick or..."

"I know that, Paige." Emily's tone got a little more severe. "But we have to plan based on the facts that we have today. Sure, we might have to adjust things - well, we're definitely going to have to adjust things - depending on what life throws our way, but that doesn't change the fact that..." Emily shook her head. Paige had successfully gotten her chasing off down another trail. "Look, whatever happens in the future, if we don't start building those bridges now, it's going to be hard at best and impossible at worst to do it later."

Paige nodded. "Okay," she said, barely audibly.

"Thank you." Emily looked into Paige's eyes. "Are you okay?"

Paige nodded. Emily raised an eyebrow. "I'm fine, Em. You're right. I've let things go on too long with my parents, but I'll take care of it."

Paige slapped her hands against her knees and stood up. Before she stepped away, Emily was up and facing her. She hugged her close. They maintained the hug in silence for several seconds. Emily gave her a kiss. Paige took her phone from her pocket, showing it to Emily as she tilted her head in the direction of the bedroom. Emily gave her another quick hug and let her go.

* * *

"I didn't really plan it," Emily explained to her friends, who had met her backstage as she got ready for the show. "We got rained in, and we decided we were just going to hang out, and, I don't know. It all just seemed too perfect. So, even though I knew how she felt about marriage, I knew I had to ask her, or I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I just decided to go for it, and, if she said no, I'd never ask her again."

"But you already had the ring?" Aria asked.

"No." Emily chuckled. She had the feeling she would be telling that story a lot, over the years. She was glad that they had that – a cute engagement story.

"Are you ready to deal with her parents?"

Emily sighed, her shoulders rising and falling as she did. "No, not really. Paige hasn't really given me much to go on, and the more I think about driving out there tomorrow, the more crazy it makes me." Emily let her hand fall against the dressing table. "I just need to calm myself down so I can go out there on stage tonight."

Hanna rubbed Emily's shoulders. "That's why we're here, Em."

"Too bad you can't be with me tomorrow," Emily mumbled.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, by now, you guys know how I roll, right? Make it seem as if it's not going to happen - and then make it happen in the very next chapter... :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	20. Meet the McCullerses

"Mom, Dad, this is Emily." Paige gestured to her left with her hands and a nod of her head.

"No, no, no," she said.

She cleared her throat and tried again. "Emily, these are my parents, Nick and Marlene McCullers."

"Ugh!"

She didn't know why it was so difficult. It was a simple introduction. But she had been practicing in front of the mirror for what felt like an hour.

There was a soft tap at the door, and Emily poked her head in. "How's it going?" she asked tentatively.

Paige turned her head towards the door and gave her a weary-eyed look. In less than a second, Emily was at her side, hugging her close from behind and giving her shoulder a comforting kiss.

"I don't know why I'm making such a big deal over this," Paige said without turning around, looking in the mirror at Emily's face, which was weighed down with concern.

Emily rubbed Paige's arms. "It's a big deal," she said empathetically. "I get why you're so nervous."

"I bet you weren't this nervous when you told your parents about me."

"Yeah, but that was different." Emily moved from behind Paige to her side, and Paige turned to face her. Emily took both of her hands. "My parents and I have a different kind of relationship." Paige nodded, tightening her lips. "What was it like when you told them about Sean?" Emily knew that it wasn't the same thing. From what she knew of Paige's parents, they would have been happy to know that Paige was dating someone like Sean: A guy with a future. And emphasis on "a guy."

"Oh, yeah… Sean." Paige shrugged her shoulders.

"I mean, I know it's not the same thing, but…" Paige shook her head with a half-smile. "How did they take it when you told them that you two broke up?" Paige looked away, not answering that question. "Paige, you  _did_ tell them that you and Sean broke up?"

"Emily…" Paige let out a deep sigh as she tried to figure out how to explain the situation to her. "My parents… have never heard of Sean."

Emily's head snapped back. "What do you mean, they've never heard of Sean?"

"I mean exactly that. They've never heard of Sean." Paige led Emily over to the bed and sat down next to her on the edge of the mattress. "Em, my parents and I don't have the kind of relationship that you and your parents do. My parents were always 'The Parents,' you know? I mean, I remember my Mom saying, 'I'm not your playmate,' whenever I was too casual in dealing with her. They were the parents, and I was the child."

"Oh." Emily didn't know how to respond to that. It seemed kind of sad.

Paige shrugged her shoulders. "It's fine. It was their way of teaching me about authority, you know? But it's kind of hard when you're an only child, and you don't have anyone else to play with, and you can't play with your parents…" Emily stroked Paige's cheek with a sympathetic pout. Paige grabbed her hand. "It's fine," she repeated. "But it made for a different kind of relationship with them, you know? They're not the ones I go to when I have good news – or bad news." Paige shrugged her shoulders. "I only really tell them the big stuff."

"'The big stuff?' Like, 'I'm dating this guy, Sean,' or 'I broke up with that guy, Sean?'"

"No, more like, 'I got kicked off the swim team and I lost my scholarship.' Or like, 'I'm getting married.'"

"Paige," Emily half-whined. "That's so sad." She wanted to stroke Paige's cheek again, but she got the feeling that Paige found it patronizing the last time, so she let her hand drop back into her lap.

Paige leaned in and kissed her. "I appreciate your concern, Em. I really do. I don't think I've ever had someone on my side like that, the way you are. But trust me when I say it's fine. You get used to it."

" _You_ may get used to, but I doubt that I will."

"Huh?"

Emily shook her head. That last comment didn't matter. "So, you've never told them about any of your boyfriends before?"

"Not since high school. I pretty much had to tell them in high school, since they tracked my movements like a parole officer. But, you know... not since I moved out and started going to college."

Emily picked up Paige's hand, holding it between hers, and gave it a squeeze. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you."

"You didn't!" Paige said reassuringly. "I mean, this is the kind of thing I'd have to tell them eventually." Emily deflated a little at that statement. She wanted their engagement to be something that Paige wanted to tell them, not that she had to. But she understood what Paige meant. Of course, it didn't mean that Paige wasn't excited about their engagement in general. She was always eager to tell everyone else their news.

Emily sighed, turning away from Paige slightly, not wanting her to see the sad look on her face. "I just wish there was something I could do to help," she said softly.

Paige's face lit up. "Want to make out?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

Emily chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Yes," she said dryly. "If that will help, I'd  _love_  to make out!"

"Yes!" Paige exclaimed, pumping her fist into the air and clumsily tumbling Emily down onto the mattress. She moved in for a kiss, but stopped and asked, "Just to be clear, is this a pity make-out session?"

"Of course!"

"I'll take it!" Paige said enthusiastically, closing in on Emily for a big, sloppy kiss.

* * *

Paige seemed unusually quiet during the drive to Scranton. It may have been Emily's imagination. She knew how Paige got when she was deep in thought, so she tried to give her some space. The touches that she made – to Paige's leg, her cheek, and her hand – were always camouflaged as something other than concern; touching her leg before she asked whether she was ready to switch drivers; touching her cheek to see whether she was getting warm; holding her hand because they often held hands.

As they got closer to Scranton, Paige started to get impatient with the radio, switching stations every couple of seconds. "Are you all right?" Emily asked meekly.

Paige smiled but didn't really answer. She just kept pushing the "Seek" button on the radio.

"Do you want to pull over and stretch your legs for a bit?"

"Why, are you tired?" Paige sounded concerned rather than impatient.

"Not really, but I'm not the one who's driving."

"I'm okay," Paige assured her. "I just want to get there."

Emily took Paige's hand and kissed it. She took it into her lap and rubbed in gently. Paige looked away from the road for a moment and smiled at her in gratitude.

It was a gloomy, rainy day in Scranton. Part of Emily feared that the inclement weather would dull Paige's love of the rain; that the weekend's dreaded meeting with her parents would supplant Paige's positive memory of their rainy weekend in the Poconos. She hoped that she would be able to make it a good weekend, somehow, for Paige.

* * *

"You go," Paige said calmly and gestured to the covered porch. She was shouting, slightly, to be heard over the downpour. "I'll get the stuff."

Emily stood next to the trunk with her hands on her hips. "I'm staying with you," she replied, her voice also rising above the rain. Paige thought that Emily was staying with her rather than risking having to meet her parents alone. She understood. And anyway, it wasn't worth arguing in a rainstorm and getting drenched.

Marlene McCullers greeted them at the door, cradling first Paige's, then Emily's face in her hands with a welcoming smile and, in Paige's case, a kiss to the cheek. "Come in, come in," she beckoned. "You'll get soaked!"

Nick McCullers was behind her, and he took their bags from them, setting them off to the side and giving them each a handshake.

Paige went through her prepared speech, but it didn't go the way she'd prepared it. "Mom, Dad, this is Emily…" She added, "Obviously," which wasn't in the script, and, "My fiancée," which also didn't have to be said.

Emily was relieved at first – and more than a bit surprised. Paige's parents seemed to be perfectly charming. She wasn't sure whether it was just a show for her benefit. For some reason, their charming behavior put her on edge.

* * *

Emily gave Paige a hug, back in the safety of Paige's bedroom. "Are you okay?"

Paige nodded. "Yeah," she said simply.

Emily winced. Apparently, Paige was in one of her non-talking moods.

Emily moved to where her suitcase was, put it on the bed, and started to unpack it. She wanted to make it look as if she was moving on with her day; just getting unpacked, not grilling Paige about whatever the heck had just happened with her parents. "So, that was weird, eh?" she said with a sunny smile and a light laugh.

"In what way?"

"Well, not weird."  _Nothing weird going on. This is totally normal._  "I mean… I was just surprised, I guess. You know. They were a lot…" Emily took a moment to come up with just the right, non-threatening term. "… more cordial than I was expecting."

"Cordial? Like a 19th-Century plantation owner?" Paige teased.

"You know what I mean," Emily was still focused on unpacking, folding and unfolding the same cranberry red top several times, to disguise the fact that she was trying to get Paige to talk about her parents. "They didn't seem as… aloof as I'd expected. Based on what you said. They seemed – I don't know – glad to see us."

"Yeah," Paige scoffed. "Welcome to the new Nick and Mar."

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" Emily looked up from her unpacking with a helpful smile.

"I guess," Paige said with a shrug. She took the cranberry red top from Emily's hands and set it on the pillow, moved the suitcase to the side so that they could sit on the bed, and put her arm around Emily's shoulder. Emily rested her head on Paige's shoulder, happy that she didn't have to pretend not to be talking about it anymore.

"My parents raised me one way, the entire time I was growing up. I felt like – a project, or something, I don't know. But not like their daughter."

Emily bit her lip to keep from reacting. She knew that Paige didn't want to hear, "That's so sad," or "My poor baby."

"So, somewhere down the line, after college, I don't know. Maybe it was 'Mission Accomplished,' or maybe it was just old age, but, now, all of a sudden, they want to be all warm and fuzzy. And that's fine, whatever. It's just I don't know how to relate to them that way, you know? I mean, you raise a girl with 'I'm not your playmate, I'm your parent' for 20 years, and all of a sudden you decide we're playmates, now?" Paige shrugged her shoulders. "It took me twenty years to learn how to relate to the old them. And now I have to learn how to relate to the new them?

Emily rubbed Paige's back and kissed her shoulder.

"I could've used some of that… 'cordiality' back in junior high… or high school… or…" Paige wiped her eye, unable to talk for a moment.

Emily pulled Paige's head onto her shoulder and rocked her side to side gently, whispering, "It's okay."

Paige sat up and took an audible breath. "Wooo," she said, releasing the pent-up emotion. "I'm okay," she said after a moment. "I mean, it's not as if I hate them for the way they raised, and I'm trying to punish them by still keeping up that wall between us. Of course, I wish they'd done things a lot differently, but there's no sense wishing that the past will magically change." She gave Emily a kiss on the cheek. "It's a wound. It's going to take some time to heal, and it'll probably leave a scar, but I'll survive."

Emily suddenly felt that some of Paige's behaviors made sense; the defensive silence, the suppressed feelings; even the difficulty with the truth. "Have you ever considered therapy?" Emily offered softly, not wanting to upset Paige.

Paige lifted her head. "You think I need therapy?"

"Not  _you_ ," Emily assured her. "Well, wait." She punched Paige playfully on the shoulder. "There are a  _lot_  of things you and a therapist could talk about! A therapist would be able to retire off of you and all your… baggage!" Emily picked up a pillow to protect herself from the retaliation she expected from Paige.

"Ha ha," Paige said flatly.

"No," Emily said more seriously. "I'm talking about you and your parents." Emily took Paige's hand and intertwined their fingers, gazing at their engagement rings. "I mean, if your parents are serious about wanting to change the way they relate to you, it might be worthwhile to talk to someone who can help you sort through all the issues?"

Paige tilted her head with a shrug. "I couldn't hurt," she said. She knew that her parents would never go for that. And, deep down, Emily knew that Paige wasn't serious about following up on it. But Emily felt the need to try to help, and the advice that she gave was good. At least she had put it out there.

"Well, I'll give them one thing. I'm pretty sure they'd never let Sean and me share a room under their roof," Paige said. "I couldn't believe when they didn't even bat an eye about you sharing my bed."

"They're  _trying_ , Paige," Emily pleaded.

"I know they are," Paige agreed, nodding. "As I said, I don't hate them. It's just… going to take some time to make the transition."

* * *

"So, Emily, I hear you're a jazz singer!" Marlene McCullers was smiling warmly.

"Oh, no, Mom!" Paige, embarrassed, slapped her forehead with her hand. "Please don't ask Emily to sing for you."

"I wasn't going to do that, Honey!" Marlene gave Paige's arm a squeeze. "I was just going to ask whether she ever performs around Scranton. We'd love to see her perform, wouldn't we, Nick?"

"Oh, yeah, of course." Nick said, caught between bites of cherry pie. "There are a lot of places she could play around Scranton, aren't there, Paige?"

"Or, you could always come out to Rosewood. It's not all that far, you know." There was more than a trace of bitterness in Paige's tone. Emily gently rubbed her thigh under the table, hoping to calm her down.

Marlene and Nick looked at each other sadly. Emily, picking up on the look, cleared her throat and put her hands down on the table, leaning across the table. "We would love to have you visit us in Rosewood sometime." She looked over at Paige.

It took Paige a moment to nod her agreement. "Yeah," she agreed, "that would be great." She managed a smile as she looked first at Marlene and then at Nick, to assure them that she wasn't just saying it to be polite or to placate Emily.

"Well, it would be good to meet our future in-laws, wouldn't it, Nick?"

"I know they're dying to meet you, too." Emily said.

* * *

"Well, have you thought about where you want to honeymoon?" Nick asked eagerly, taking an interest in his daughter's life.

"Maybe the Amazon Rainforest," Paige said with a straight face. "Someplace rainy," she added. "I love the rain!" It took everything within her not to yell out loud when Emily kicked her under the table.

Later, Emily felt Paige's leg rubbing gently against hers under the table. When Emily looked over, Paige dipped her head, showing her smile only to Emily. Later, as they got ready for bed, she explained that it was the first time she could remember having fun and actually joking with her parents. She knew that it was in no small part down to Emily, and she was grateful.

"So, the Amazon Rainforest," Emily smirked, putting her arms around Paige's waist.

"Doesn't have to be the Amazon," Paige said. "Anywhere where it rains a lot this time of year."

Emily shook her head, with a look that "what am I going to do with you, Paige McCullers?" before she moved in for the kiss. "Let's at least try to get out of our hotel room on our honeymoon. We have the rest of our lives to be rained in."


	21. What's a Wedding without a Little Drama?

Weddings can be a stressful experience. Emily had always heard that, but she was sure that, with enough planning and foresight, if they took their time and kept things manageable, she and Paige would be able to avoid that trap and actually enjoy the experience (rather than enduring it to get to the wedding). But there were a lot more wildcards than they anticipated.

There was friction between Emily's mom and her best friend. Even though it was Emily's wedding, and even though Emily had explicitly drawn boundary lines around their areas of influence, they kept having border skirmishes, each seeking to expand her zone of influence.

Emily was grateful that her wedding meant so much to Pam and Hanna, but a part of her also envied Paige, who had no such conflicts. No one was competing to control Paige's end of the preparations. Her friends from high school and college had scattered to various other states, her colleagues at Rosewood High were older, at a stage in their lives when all of the wedding and shower stuff was no longer as exciting as it would have seemed to them about ten years earlier, and her mom had adopted a very hands-off approach to the wedding, using the distance between Scranton and Rosewood as an excuse. The irony wasn't lost on Paige: Her mother, who had sought to control and shape her entire life when she was growing up, had become very  _laissez-faire_ , at the point in her life when Paige actually needed her.

This seemed to Paige and Emily like a brilliant opportunity to come up with a compromise: One side had too much help, and the other didn't have enough. They tried to recruit first Hanna, and then Pam to step back from Emily's side of the preparations just a bit and help out with Paige's. That didn't fly with either of them. They were both willing to pitch in and help out with Paige's responsibilities, but not to release their hold on Emily's. Pam had been waiting all of her life (well, all of Emily's life, at least) to plan this wedding, and, apparently, so had Hanna.

Rather than get Emily upset and risk having her throw both of them off of the job, Pam and Hanna worked things out among themselves, agreeing in writing to a strict division of responsibilities. Emily never actually saw the contract, but she swore that it was written in blood. Hanna had charge of the wedding and bridesmaids' dresses, the bachelorette party, and the rehearsal dinner. Pam got the wedding itself and the reception. Of course, all three of them (and, to a lesser extent, Paige) worked on the whole wedding together, but it helped relieve a lot of stress to give them specific jobs. Whenever a conflict threatened to arise, the offended party would reference the contract, and the other would back down.

Almost as important as the jobs themselves were the job titles. Hanna insisted on the title, "Executive Bride's Assistant slash Fashion and Entertainment Coordinator." Pam was perfectly content simply to be "Wedding Coordinator (and Mother of the Bride)".

* * *

Eventually, as the wedding drew nearer, the stress caught up with Emily and Paige as well, despite how much as they had tried to avoid it by taking breaks and carving out some time just for the two of them when things started to get heavy. When it comes down to it, as much as weddings are a celebration of love, they're also a big, expensive undertaking, and there are a million decisions to be made. It was the biggest project by far that Paige and Emily had ever worked on together, and it brought to the surface some things that they hadn't noticed about each other, or hadn't paid much attention to before.

Emily had seen Paige take charge and be a leader, in her capacity as coach of the Scranton High swim team, and, more recently, as the athletic coordinator and, technically, her boss. But she hadn't seen that side of Paige in their personal relationship. Paige usually deferred to Emily's judgment, or found a way to compromise when push came to shove. During the wedding planning, for the first time, Paige started to shove back when they disagreed. It was an adjustment; another step in the maturing process of their relationship. And it was an important step to cross. Sooner or later, in any relationship, the love goggles come off, and the couple has to deal with the real world. If love is going to last, it has to outlast the challenges of reality.

The week before the wedding, push came to shove in an unexpected and inconvenient place. Emily and the band were performing at The Hungry Owl, and her friends and family were there for a sort of pre-wedding celebration. One of owners loved the band (and Emily in particular), and was delighted to let them use her bar to celebrate there.

Things between Paige and Emily started to boil over right before the performance. Emily usually liked to be alone before she went on stage. Even after a couple of years of performing in front of crowds, she was still on-edge right before the show, and she needed some space to get into the zone. It was a boundary that Paige understood and respected. Usually. This night was different. The argument that had started over dinner and gone on through the drive to the venue continued right up until stage time. It was just something minor; a question from one of Paige's friends about the hotel arrangements, but Emily was rushing to get ready for the evening and answered impatiently, which led Paige to conclude that Emily didn't take her family and friends seriously. They ended up exchanging a few choice words that they both regretted, and they were still fuming at each other when Emily dashed out of the dressing room to join her band mates.

* * *

It was obvious that Emily was off during their first set. Her mind was wandering – as were her eyes – to anywhere but Paige. As the first set wound down, Emily introduced the song that she had chosen as a dedication to Paige, "You Are the Sunshine of my Life," by saying, "This one goes out to my so-called fiancée, Paige McCullers."

Paige raised her glass bitterly in a mocking toast and slammed it down on the table with a thud. As Emily started to sing, Paige gathered her handbag and sweater and headed for the exit.

Hanna glared at Emily on the stage and didn't look away. She wanted to make sure that Emily realized how far out of bounds her behavior had been. After the first chorus, Hanna, too, got up and headed for the door. She thought that she had given Paige enough time.

Paige was making the slowest, most meandering walk possible to her car. She was on the verge of tears; on the verge of chucking it all in – the wedding, the relationship, Rosewood. She really wanted someone to talk her down, but she didn't see that happening, not from a table full of Emily's friends and family.

"Hey Paige." Paige turned towards the sound of the soft, gentle voice and saw Hanna standing behind her with her hands folded across her waist. Hanna looked up at the sky. "It's a nice night, isn't it?"

Paige tightened her lips and turned around, putting her back to Hanna again.

"Boy," Hanna said coolly, "what Emily did was way out of line. Way, way out of line. There was no call for that."

Paige scoffed.

"I know that you'd never think of doing anything like that to Emily, no matter how mad you got."

Paige, wordlessly, without turning around, slowly shook her head. It wasn't a denial that she would do it. It was an expression of disbelief that Emily had actually done it.

"Hey, Paige…" Hanna walked up closer but maintained a safe distance, respecting Paige's boundaries. "Do you want to go back inside?"

Paige really did want to go back inside. She wanted nothing more than an excuse to go back inside, but she was still angry and hurt and too embarrassed to go back in and face everybody who had seen her walk out in such a dramatic fashion.

"I have a suite at the Radley," Hanna said calmly. "If you want, you can sleep on the sofa bed in the guest area tonight. But why don't we go back inside for now?" Hanna stood next to Paige and took her hand.

Paige looked at Hanna, silently pleading for help, but not even knowing what kind of help she needed. Hanna gave her a hug. "You know Emily's really sorry. And she probably doesn't know why she said the thing she said." Hanna felt a faint nod against her shoulder. "Do you want to sit out here for a minute before we go inside?" Paige shook her head. "Okay," Hanna said, barely audibly, and they headed towards the door.

Just before they reached the door, Paige stopped. She gave Hanna's hand a squeeze and said, "Thank you."

The first thing they noticed once inside was that the music had stopped. There were random noises coming from the stage – the tuning of instruments and the occasional bit of feedback, when someone bumped against the microphone. Paige looked confused. When they got back to the stage area, they saw that Emily was gone. Back at their table, Pam was gone as well. Aria explained that Emily had run of the stage, crying, and Pam went after her. Paige tensed up and started to go to the dressing room, but Hanna restrained her. "Let Pam take care of it," she advised, and Paige, knowing that she was right, reluctantly agreed.

Paige, gloomy, sat at the table with her head tilted down. She was more upset than angry; more sad than hurt. The entire table sat in silence, giving her space to process everything she was going through.

* * *

"Well, folks," came an announcement from the stage, "due to a sudden illness, the band isn't going to be able to come back for their second set." Everyone in the room had seen what had happened. They all knew that it wasn't illness. There were a few scattered groans of disappointment. "But, never fear," the voice continued, "We're still here to entertain you. We're about to fire up the old karaoke machine, so head on over to the booth and get your requests in!"

Hanna got a text from Pam:  **Did you get Paige to come back inside?**

**Yes. How's Emily.**

**Freaking out. She thinks she threw their future away.**

**No. Paige is here.**

Hanna set her phone aside and patted Paige's hand reassuringly.

Everyone at the table was on-edge, overcome with concern for the couple that meant so much to them. They knew that Paige and Emily would work things out eventually, but they didn't know how that would happen or what they could do to help.

In the meantime, things around the table were incredibly tense.

Paige was turning more and more inward the longer she sat there. Hanna could see it happening. Paige was no longer as concerned about herself and how much Emily had hurt her. It was like their night in the haunted house: When Paige saw that Emily was in trouble, all of her concern shifted to helping her. But she didn't know how she could do that, with Emily sequestered backstage. As painful as it was, she would just have to wait, and trust Pam to talk her down.

Or maybe not.

* * *

Pam's phone buzzed and she hustled Emily out of her seat, almost pushing her out of the door. "You've got to get out there right now?"

"What?" Emily was confused and still crying. Her makeup was a mess and her hair and dress were going all over the place. She didn't even have time to pull her shoes back on before Pam trundled her out of the dressing room. "Mom, stop! What's going on?"

"I don't know," Pam said urgently, "but Hanna said I had to get you out there - now!"

As they headed towards the front, Emily heard a very enthusiastic and slightly off-key voice singing, "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic." When she got to the side of the stage and saw Paige bouncing around up there, full of energy and slightly off-beat, she put her face in her hands. Seeing her standing there beside the stage with her face hidden, it was impossible to tell whether she was laughing in relief or crying.

When the second chorus ended and the bridge started, Emily slowly slid her hands off of her face and risked looking up at Paige. She knew, of course, that Paige was singing the song for her, but, still, she was a little afraid that Paige wasn't ready to forgive her and move on yet. When their eyes met, Paige walked over to the edge of the stage and held out her hand. Emily took it eagerly and climbed up the stairs to the stage, her smile now unmistakable. She took her place next to Paige, taking a step or two to get into rhythm with Paige's clumsy dancing, and soon she was bouncing around, mimicking Paige's improvised dance moves. Paige held the microphone between them so that they could sing the chorus together:

 _Every little thing she does is magic_  
Everything she do just turns me on  
Even though my life before was tragic  
Now I know my love for her goes on

When the song ended, Paige and Emily met in a strong embrace as the whole place went crazy. Emily whispered, "I'm sorry" over and over into Paige's ear and pulled her tighter and tighter.

"I'm sorry, too," Paige replied. "I love you."

"I love you so much!"

* * *

When they got back to the apartment and it was just the two of them, Emily hugged Paige and held her tight. She loosened her grip so that she could look into Paige's eyes, but she ended up staring at Paige's chin and neck instead. "Paige, I..."

Paige cut her off with a kiss. "We don't have to do this, Emily."

Emily shook her head. "No. We do. Because I know that you forgive me, but I need you to know how sorry I am. I'm sorry that we fought, and I'm sorry that I said what I said in front of that entire room." Emily, now looking into Paige's eyes to gauge her reaction, was gently touching Paige's cheek, needing to feel connected and safe.

Paige nodded her head and kissed Emily again. She tilted her head back to say something, but Emily kissed her again, harder; more desperately. Paige brushed the hair away from Emily's face, letting her hand come to rest on Emily's shoulder as she rubbed her back. "It's okay, Em. I forgive you. And I'm sorry for the fight, too." Emily hugged her tight again, gaining energy from their strong embrace.

"I wanted that to be a special song for us. I wanted you to hear it and think about how much you mean to me. But now, whenever you hear it, you're going to remember this night, and the awful thing I said."

Paige moved Emily's head from her shoulder so that Emily would be able to see her face as she spoke. "What I'm going to remember about this night was that we faced a difficult challenge, but our love proved stronger."

Emily nodded against Paige's shoulder. She was biting her lip to keep herself from crying, because she knew that Paige would be devastated if she saw her crying.

"Em," Paige said cautiously, "you're trembling." Emily nodded against Paige's chest, unable to speak, and unable to hold back the tears any longer. As soon as they started to fall, accompanied by Emily's soft, muffled gasps, Paige held her tighter, desperately. "Emily, are you all right?"

"Just hold me, Paige. Please. Don't let me go."


	22. Wedding Day

Pam Fields was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue clutched between her fingers. She knew that she had to stop the impending tears, or Emily would start to tear up as well. And Emily's makeup was done so prettily.

Pam tugged Emily's dress at the waistline, to align it, and smoothed her hands down its lacy sleeves. Emily looked absolutely stunning. Paige, Pam thought, should consider herself lucky. But, then again, Pam realized, Emily should consider herself lucky, too. Paige was quite a catch.

"I always knew this day would come," Pam said, all but hugging Emily as she stood facing her, her arms still on Emily's sleeves. "I always knew you'd find someone like Paige to steal your heart."

Emily tilted her head and looked at Pam skeptically. She knew that Pam hadn't exactly foreseen someone like Paige – a woman. And even after Pam had eventually made peace with the fact that her daughter wasn't interested in men, there was a period of time when she thought that marriage was out of the question. With the laws the way they used to be in Pennsylvania, the best that Emily could have hoped for was a civil commitment ceremony. "Okay," Pam conceded, "but you know what I mean."

Emily leaned over to hug her mother. "I know, Mom." She could be excused for teasing her mother that way. She was abuzz with nervous energy; she almost feared that she would start laughing out loud as she walked into the church.

That would have been all right, her mother assured her. It was  _her_  day. She could do whatever she wanted.

On the other side of the church, things were just as busy, but the energy was different. Marlene McCullers was rattling off a list of details that had been taken care of or that still needed to be taken care of. Paige had largely tuned her out. She was in her own oasis, having a moment of Zen. She was doing her best to slow things down in her mind. They had been waiting and planning for this day for months, and it was going to be over before they knew it. Paige didn't want to rush through any part of it and fail to savor the experience fully.

* * *

Emily was practically giddy when she stepped up to the double doors leading into the chapel, waiting for them to open and for the music to start.  _Her_ music. It was all that she could do to keep from giggling. When the doors finally opened, her mouth dropped for a fraction of a second. She stood there for that moment, in awe. The building had looked amazing during the rehearsal the night before, but, that morning, with the light streaming through the stained glass window in ceiling, it was absolutely breathtaking. And, up in the front of the center aisle was an even more stunning sight. The multi-colored light coming down from the window and falling on Paige bathed her white tuxedo in soft blues, greens, and yellows. It was positively angelic vision.

Emily knew that the kiss was the last part of the ceremony, but she felt like running up to her fiancée and kissing her right then and there. It was her wedding, as her mom had said; and she could do whatever she wanted. But it wasn't just about her and Paige. Their friends and family were there to celebrate with them, and they deserved to get the full ceremony.

And she and Paige deserved it, too. That kiss was going to be so worth the wait when the time finally came.

Paige had seen Emily's dress before, but seeing it on their wedding day, with Emily's hair and makeup done – and knowing that this was all for real, made her heart stop a little. The aisle from the back door to the platform seemed to be about 5 miles long. Paige was impatient for Emily to get up there, to take her hand, and let the whole world know that they were together.

Paige took a glance at her mother, seated next to Pam Fields, with Nick on the other side. Paige half expected her mother to give her the silent cues – "Stand up straight," or "Smile!" – that she always used to mouth at every graduation or medal ceremony. But, no; Marlene was just sitting there with something Paige wasn't used to seeing on her face: A look of pride.

Paige returned her eyes to her bride and noted the smile on Wayne's face as he escorted her down the aisle. He leaned over and whispered something to Emily, and she rolled her eyes. Probably some kind of dad-joke, Paige thought. She could totally see herself doing the same thing, in the same situation.

Finally, they made it up to the front. Wayne lifted Emily's veil and gave her a hug, then reached over to Paige, to shake her hand and pull her in for a hug as well.

Hanna had done a wonderful job on the bridesmaids' dresses, a shimmery silver offset with black detailing that complemented the dark wood of the church's walls and pews, and the deep red of the carpeting. Hanna stood closest to Emily, with Spencer and Aria next. Paige's maid of honor, Pru Goldstick, stood with her, along with Sydney Driscoll and Bridget Wu.

As in real life, not everything was perfect. The biggest miscue was with the ring, which slipped through Emily's fingers when she went to put it on Paige's finger, sending the bridesmaids scrambling for a second to track down where it had rolled, ending with Hanna half-crawling in an undignified manner to retrieve it from under the Communion table.

But they took the little distractions in stride. Caleb reassured them later that he could edit the ring fiasco out of the video, but they insisted that he leave it in. They wanted to remember the laughter and the fun as well as the solemn, serious moments.

After Emily recited her vows, she told Paige folded up her crib sheet and looked into Paige's eyes, with a half-smile. "I never knew what I wanted until I met you. I chased after a lot of different things, trying to find something or someone to make me happy, but it wasn't until our first conversation that I realized what I had really been looking for all that time. I love you, Paige."

Paige, after her vows, laughed slightly as she told Emily, "Well, I knew what I was looking for before I met you, but I was never willing to admit it to myself. And I was never willing to go after it. But then you came along, and all of a sudden, I realized that there were some things in this world worth fighting for. I love you, Emily."

* * *

Paige took a moment to appreciate the magnitude of what was happening before the kiss. There was a smile of anticipation on Emily's face. For Paige, it was like seeing her for the first time. She put her hands on Emily's waist and Emily bit her lip slightly as she put her hands on Paige's shoulders. They closed their eyes as their lips met. It was barely a second, but it felt like forever.  _Forever_. Paige liked the way that sounded as she whispered the word into Emily's ear.

* * *

In the middle of picture-taking in the garden area behind the church, clouds started to gather and, all of a sudden, poured down a drenching rain. It was totally unexpected; rain hadn't been in any of the forecasts. The downpour sent the guests screaming for cover under the church's awning, but Paige and Emily, undeterred, remained, splashing and dancing around in the rain, kissing like love-struck fools. Fortunately, their photographer, Mona Vanderwaal, was just as fearless, and captured the whole scene on film.

Paige and Emily dried off and repaired their hair and faces as best they could before the reception, but it was worth it; another pleasant surprise to set their wedding apart from the rest. They wouldn't have missed that moment for anything in the world.

* * *

There were plenty more kisses to follow at the reception. The guests kept clinking their glasses, and Paige and Emily were only too glad to accommodate. Emily, who had managed to make it through the entire ceremony without any tears, couldn't stop them from falling as first Hanna and then her mom gave their speeches. She felt a little extra clingy, leaning on Paige for support. It was a need that Paige was happy to fulfill.

They both took to the dance floor for the father-daughter dance. It was more moving an experience than Paige had thought it would be. She had never even dreamed of dancing with her father at her wedding. It seemed too far-fetched. As with so many other things on their wedding day, reality turned out to be so much better than the dream.

But it didn't compare to the dancing that took place once the fathers let go and Paige took Emily into her arms. It was the perfect fit. Even after their first dance, when their wedding guests joined them on the dance floor, it was just the two of them. It was their moment. "I can't wait to get you out of that dress," Paige said into Emily's ear. It wasn't an expression of lust, but just the culmination of everything that had happened that day. It wasn't about fulfilling her bodily desires, but about what that day was ultimately about: Just the two of them, and the start of their lives together. As much as they enjoyed celebrating with their friends and family, Paige wanted to celebrate with her bride. Emily understood. Before she realized it, she was kissing Paige again, claiming her lips, oblivious to everything and everyone around her except for Paige, the love of her life.

* * *

It was a little weird for Emily to see her band performing at the reception with a different singer, but they had to have someone to fill in for her while she and Paige were on her honeymoon. Marguerite's voice was strong and true, and she brought a lightness and a lot of personality to her performance. It was good; the band sounded good. Emily didn't have to worry about how they would do without her. And she hoped that Marguerite would be available to collaborate with her and the band in the future. Marguerite got along great with the guys, and they really enjoyed playing with her. Emily – not to mention Paige – was relieved to have someone who could take her place if she ever got sick, of if she and Paige ever wanted to get away from things for a bit.

Emily started yawning and leaning her head on Paige's shoulder. It wasn't like her; usually, she was energized by being around her friends. It didn't take long for Paige to get the hint. "Do you want to get out of here?" Emily smiled, as if to ask why it took Paige so long to realize that. "Should we let your parents know we're leaving?"

Emily shook her head, pulling Paige towards the door. "They'll figure it out."

It had been a great day. Emily couldn't wait any longer to make it a great night.

The limousine whisked them off to the Radley. Hanna had checked them in earlier in the day, so they didn't have to waste any time at the reception desk. When they got to their room, they found out that Hanna had done more than check them in. She had set the room up with a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and a basket of chocolates on a small table with two chairs and a vase of purple tulips. There was a trail of red rose petals leading up to the bed, which smelled like fresh berries. Not that they needed anything to get them deeper into the mood, but it provided a reminder for them to slow down and enjoy their first night as a married couple, rather than rushing right to the finish line.

"I need to get out of this dress," Emily said soberly, turning her back to Paige.

"Best idea I've heard all night," Paige said, slowly pulling down the zipper.

Emily headed off to the bathroom. Paige hung up her jacket, undid the buttons on her blouse, and waited.

Before long, she heard running water. "Paige?"

"Yes, Love?"

Emily, in a rose gold teddy appeared in the hallway, tilting her head. "Do you want to take a bath with me?"

Paige grabbed the champagne and the glasses and went off to join her.

* * *

"Oooh!" Emily was delighted and surprised as he took down Paige's pants to unveil the red satin boxers beneath them. She ran her hands over the back of them, enjoying their soft feel against the firmness beneath them. Paige moaned helplessly and her pelvis contracted on reflex. Emily smiled, looking into her eyes. She knew that she couldn't keep Paige waiting much longer. Paige lifted her left leg, then her right, as Emily slipped the boxers down and Paige stepped out of them. Paige returned the favor, taking the spaghetti straps off of Emily's shoulder and letting her teddy fall to the ground. She took Emily's hand to help Emily balance as she stepped into the tub. Emily sat and swiveled among the bubbles, smiling up at Paige in welcome.

 _Slow down,_  Paige thought to herself.  _Breathe. You've got all night._  As much as Paige tried to convince herself that this was just another night with the woman she loved, it was so much more. She felt like her high school field hockey coach, when she tried to convince the team to treat the championship match like any other game. But the look on Emily's face wasn't like the look from any other night. It was saying, "It happened. This is real, and no one can take it away from us. Come and share my life with me."


	23. Honeymoon

Emily patted Paige's thigh. She couldn't hide her eagerness. "Are you excited?"

"Are you kidding me? This is going to be the ultimate trip! Two weeks of hiking, which you know I love, since, you know, that's how you and I first got to know each other, We get to sample the treasures of Europe and Asia, get to go on a safari…"

"Okay," their Uber driver said glancing at them in the rear view mirror, "I don't mean to eavesdrop, but I've got to say, you've got me stumped. Where exactly is it that you two are you going?"

Emily leaned forward so that she could be heard from the back seat. "To Disney World," she said, with a weary smile on her face. The driver cracked up laughing.

"What?" Paige asked, feigning innocence. "We're going to be hiking all through the parks, we'll sample wares from all over the world in EPCOT, and we're going on safari in Animal Kingdom! And I didn't even mention visiting movie sets or car racing!"

"Sorry," Emily said to the driver. "My wife likes to exaggerate everything."

"Oh!" The driver perked up, taking a closer look at them in the mirror. "So you're the couple that got married yesterday!"

Emily laughed nervously. "Yes, we're that couple…" She looked at Paige, wondering how the driver knew. "Did you pick people up for the wedding?"

"No," he said cheerfully. "I saw it in the paper!"

Emily looked at Paige, who was just as surprised as she was. "Did you know about that?"

Paige shook her head. "I didn't even see the paper this morning."

"Well, it wasn't front-page news or anything," the driver said. "Still, you've got to expect that, in a small town like this. The first lesbian wedding's going to make the news."

"Wow – we were the first?" Emily took out her phone to text her mother, to get a copy of the paper. Paige was using her phone to look up the story on-line.

"Well, at least they didn't make a media circus out of it," Paige mused.

"No, I didn't even know that the press was there, yesterday, did you?"

Paige leaned across the seat and gave Emily a kiss. "First lesbian wedding in Rosewood!"

"We get to kiss for that?"

"Yes," Paige assured her, kissing her again. "Kissing is the new high-five."

"Well, that's going to make the sidelines of basketball games a lot more interesting…"

" _Our_  new high-five," Paige clarified.

* * *

Paige blew out a puff of air as they stood in line at the airport. Emily gave her a comforting kiss on the cheek, and Paige let her head fall on Emily's shoulder, exasperated. Emily had seen this behavior before. Paige basically became a three-year-old when she was bored or had to wait. Emily took out her phone and pulled up some photos that her friends had posted from the wedding. That seemed a suitable way to distract a three year old. Emily smiled and shook her head triumphantly as Paige took over her phone and swiped through the pictures.

"What?" Paige asked, when she saw the bemused smile on Emily's face.

"Nothing… I just love your enthusiasm."  _And this is great training for being a mom._

A few minutes and a lot of photographs later, Paige was bored again. "Oh, come on_" she whined. "Has this line even moved at all?"

"Well, whining's not going to make it move any faster," Emily pointed out. "You might as well smile and make the best of it."

Paige plastered a fake smile on her face. After a few seconds of that, she proclaimed, "Nope, it didn't work. The line's still moving just as slowly."

"Where are you two headed?" a slightly older-looking guy who was standing in line in front of them asked.

"Orlando," Emily said quickly, before Paige could launch into her world-adventure speech again. "Disney."

"Oh, okay," the guy said, nodding enthusiastically. "Is this like a girls' getaway, or…"

"Honeymoon," Paige said flatly. She was trying to maintain a pleasant attitude, but it wasn't really working.

The guy laughed out loud, looking confused for a second at Paige and Emily's straight-faced responses. It took him a second to realize that they weren't teasing him. "Oh…." They weren't quite able to figure out what his opinion was.

Paige didn't care. She was already sick of being there. She put her arm around Emily's shoulder and pulled her in a bit too tight. "Yup," she said proudly, "This is the wife!"

"Ah," the guy picked up on her tone and played along. "The old ball and chain."

"Yep – my trouble and strife."

"The little woman."

"My… uh…" Paige gazed at Emily and saw that she wasn't enjoying this game nearly as much as she and her new friend were. "My... better half," she said, and planted a kiss on Emily's temple.

Emily shook her head and reluctantly joined in the game. At least it had gotten Paige out of her bad mood. That was one thing about Paige, she was always good at making friends with strangers. It was one of the things Emily admired most about her. And, after all, had it not been for that aspect of her personality, they might never have gotten together. "Yeah," Emily said, embarrassed at what she was about to say, "I'm all 'wifed-up' with Paige."

"Charlie Craig," the guy said, holding out his hand.

"Paige McCullers," Paige said, giving it a firm shake, "and my wife, Mrs. Paige McCullers." Paige couldn't keep herself from chuckling as she said it.

Emily shoved Paige and offered Charlie her hand. "But you can call me Emily," see said, taking it in stride. "Emily Fields."

"Nice to meet you," Charlie said, musing, "So you guys are newlyweds!"

"Yes we are, Charlie…" Paige was playfully a little over the top. "Perhaps you read about us in the newspaper." Charlie looked confused.

Emily rolled her eyes. "We just found out from our Uber driver that we were in our local paper this morning. You know, our local, small town, newspaper. Gay marriage, suburbia."

"Oh…" Charlie looked concerned and almost whispered, "Did you guys face a lot of… pushback?"

Emily looked at Paige for confirmation, shaking her head, and only speaking after Paige nodded her agreement. "No, no… none at all that I can think of."

"Oh. Well, good. You know, with the way things are in the country today, you never know how some people might react."

Paige's expression dimmed and, without realizing it, she released her arm from around Emily's waist.

"So, newlyweds!" Charlie repeated, tried to steer the conversation back on track. "I guess it's true what they say about Florida – you know: Newlyweds and nearly deads!"

* * *

The line had been inching along as they spoke, and, before they knew it, they were all on the other side of security, putting their shoes back on and reassembling their luggage. Charlie gave them his congratulations and a hug good-by as they headed off in separate directions to their gates.

They found a restaurant in the terminal, as much to pass the time as to get something to eat.

"So, this is exciting. First time flying together!" Emily reached across the table to squeeze Paige's hand.

"How are you on flights?"

Emily shrugged. "No big deal. How about you."

Paige scowled. "Impatient. Antsy. Can't stand being cooped up in that tiny space." Emily frowned sympathetically, grateful that it wasn't too long a flight. Paige rubbed Emily's arm. "Entertain me?"

"Entertain you?" Emily laughed. "What are you, three?" Emily finally said out loud what she had been thinking all trip.

"Please?" Paige pleaded, her eyes wide.

Emily sighed. "Fine. I'll entertain you. Just don't ask me to join the mile-high club!"

* * *

Once they settled into their seats, Emily did a quick check of the in-flight magazine and the sales catalog. She double-checked her phone, to make sure that it was in airplane mode, and gave Paige's hand a quick squeeze as the plane pulled away from the gate. When she looked over at her again, moments later, Paige was fast asleep. Emily chuckled to herself. "I guess I wore her out!" she said out loud with a smile. She pulled out her phone and connected to the plane's in-flight entertainment menu. Reality TV would have to be her companion en route to Orlando.

Paige at Disney World was like... well, a kid at Disney World. She was chasing off in all directions, wanting to see all there was to see and wanting to buy all the candy, ice cream, and specialty foods that crossed her path. Emily saw a couple who were using a leash to keep their boys from wandering too far off, and she half-wished that she had something like that for Paige, to keep her from getting lost amid all the excitement of the parks. She gave Paige a kiss. "You are going to be so great with our kids, aren't you?"

"Hey, we have to enjoy this place now, while we can! Can you imagine what a nightmare Disney World would be if we have to bring our kids with us?"

"Ha ha." Emily mocked, adding, under her breath, "I have a pretty good idea what it would be like with a kid."

Paige didn't really hear Emily's reply. She was off chasing after Belle and the Beast, to get her picture taken with them and have them sign her autograph book.

* * *

"It's a small world after all… It's a small world after all…"

"So, how long are we going to be singing that song?"

"Oh, come on! It's a catchy song! And, anyway, I thought you liked hearing me sing."

"You know I do."

"And you love all things Disney…"

Paige sighed. "Yeah, I do." She gave Emily a kiss. "Thank you for today." Hugging Emily, she lifted her in the air and twirled around. "No kidding, Em, this is, without a doubt, far and away, the greatest honeymoon I've ever been on!"

Emily laughed. "It'd better be the last honeymoon you ever go on!"

"You know it!"

Emily kissed Paige and smoothed out her hair. "I'm sorry I got so worn out. Are you sure don't mind skipping the fireworks?"

Paige shook her head. "Nah, of course not. We've got all week to catch the fireworks. Besides…" Paige's kisses were becoming more focused and purposeful. "I'd rather make our own fireworks!"

"Oooh, I set you up for that one, didn't I?"

The advantage to Paige's job with the school district and Emily's job with the band was that they had the freedom to take a lot of time off in the late summer, before school started up again. As a result, they didn't have to rush to get to all of the parks or and all of the attractions within each park. They took half-days, devoting at least one morning and one evening at each park, so that they could see the various parades and shows in the light of day and lit up after dark. That way, they were able to avoid the worst of the mid-afternoon heat. And they had plenty of time to honeymoon in the room, either sleeping in or making the most of their undisturbed time in the evenings to reconnect with each other over a game of cards or some Netflix. Or the various other things that newlyweds do, alone in a hotel room.

* * *

"Guess how many Waffle Houses there are in Orlando."

"I don't know… too many, I'm guessing?"

Emily watched Paige's lips move as she totaled up the hits on her phone. "Eight!"

"Okay…."

"And they're all open 24 hours!"

"Yeah… That's… something…." Emily wasn't hiding how underwhelmed she was by this news.

"Emily! We could be eating at a Waffle House RIGHT NOW!"

"Paige…"

"I mean, it kind of feels like a missed opportunity."

"Have you ever even eaten at a Waffle House before?"

"I mean, twenty-four hours, times eight… that's... " Paige moved her lips a bit and then bailed on the mental arithmetic. "That's... I mean... come on! There's really no excuse  _not_  to go to the Waffle House."

"Um… I can think of a few."

"You're not going to let me have this one?" Paige whined.

Emily patted Paige's shoulder. "If I really thought that you were serious about it, of course I'd go with you. But the Waffle House?"

"Don't you want to be able to say that you've been to the Waffle House?"

"I'd rather be able to say that I've  _never_  been to the Waffle House."

"Don't be like that…"

"Like what?" Emily laughed.

"Like the Ugly American. If we were in France, would you refuse to go to La Maison des Crêpes?"

"If there were 8 of them in a 20-mile radius, and they were open twenty-four hours a day, then, yes, I would probably be a little skeptical about going there."

"Em…"

"You're serious about this?"

"Okay, before you say now, just let me say two words to change your mind: Waffle. House!"

Emily couldn't help laughing. "Okay!" she said, throwing up her hands in resignation. "The Waffle House it is!"

* * *

Back in Rosewood, Paige and Emily were surprised at how normal their lives were, since the wedding. They still liked to intertwine their fingers, flat against a table or one or the other's laps, and look at their rings; the symbol of the fact that they weren't just friends or girlfriends or "together" anymore; they were united by a shared vow. And the novelty of calling someone "my wife" - and being called that by her - hadn't worn off. But, by and large, their lives were simply back to normal. It wasn't a letdown. Instead, it was a testament to how strong the bond between them had been before they said "I do." Now it was out there; published in City Hall and symbolized by rings, but that didn't change what they already knew: They were made for each other; made for forever.

 


	24. A New Addition

Paige bounded through the door after work, chasing behind a very energetic puppy. The puppy, newly freed of his leash, was running around in all directions, so excited that he kept falling flat on his belly as he explored the new surroundings.

"Paige?" Emily called from the office, wondering what the commotion was all about.

"In here…"

The puppy barked at the new voice. "Shhhh!" Paige whispered urgently, putting a finger to her lips. "It's okay – it's only Emily." Any chance of a surprise was gone; still, Paige had hopes for a good first impression.

"Paige, what's going…" Emily stopped in shock, covering her mouth with her hands and dropping to the floor to meet the puppy as he bounded over to her.

"Who's this little guy?" she asked, her voice high-pitched and baby-like.

"It's… uh… he's… uh… I don't know his name!"

"Where did he come from?"

"From the shelter. He's a rescue..."

Emily looked up from the dog into Paige's eyes. "Wait – you're saying… you adopted a puppy."

Paige nodded her head innocently. " _We_... um adopted a puppy." Paige had never been so eager to stress the "we" of their relationship.

Emily took the puppy's face in her hands and shook its head back and forth. "What are we going to do with her?" The puppy, enjoying the attention, enthusiastically licked Emily's face.

"What?" Paige asked, dumbfounded. "You like dogs!"

"Yeah, but, Paige, adopting a puppy is the kind of decision that we need to make together! You need to tell me about things like this."

"I did! I told you I had a surprise!"

Emily laughed, shaking her head and nuzzling up to the puppy. "It's a good thing you're so cute!"

Paige wasn't sure whether Emily was referring to her or the dog.

They named him Joey, short for Joseph Doggerty, but Paige took to calling him J-Dogg. She had come up with the idea of getting a puppy shortly after she and Emily started talking about their options for having children.

Paige assumed that she would be the one to carry their first child, since it would be easier for her to step back from her career with the school district for a while than it would be for Emily to put her singing career on hold. But, no; Emily assured her that she was prepared to balance a pregnancy and her singing. Paige might well end up being the first to carry, but they wouldn't have to make that decision on the basis of Emily's career. And also, as Emily told her, "We may opt to adopt."

Paige never let on to Emily, but she had some reservations. As much as she wanted to have children, she was a little intimidated by the prospect. Plus, she enjoyed having Emily all to herself. There was nothing like having a family, but Paige wanted to enjoy their life, just the two of them, for a little bit longer.

* * *

"So, I had an interesting conversation with Hanna," Emily said, shortly after she and Paige sat down to dinner.

"Oh? And how is Hanna doing?"

"Fine. Hanna's fine."

Emily's tone made it sound as if this were more than just a casual conversation. Paige was on alert, but she didn't know what transgression she may have committed, or what bright idea Hanna had put into Emily's head.

"Well, she told me about the time her uncle brought home a dog."

"Oh, really? Her uncle brought home a dog." Paige was beginning to see where this was going. It had been a month since Paige brought Joey home; still, the plot of Emily's story was sounding too similar to be unrelated. Paige smiled nervously.

"Paige, if you're not ready for parenthood, you can just tell me. I'm not trying to force you into anything. You don't have to resort to trickery!"

"Not… ready… for parenthood?" Paige wasn't doing such a great job at pretending to be innocent.

"Yeah. Come on, Paige! Buying a puppy to distract me from wanting a kid? I mean, does that trick ever work?"

 _It almost worked,_ Paige thought to herself. Emily had really bonded with Joey, in an almost maternal manner, and she certainly showered him with maternal affection.  _If it hadn't been for Hanna…_

"Uh... Did it work for Hanna's uncle?" Paige asked sheepishly. Emily shook her head, smirking at having busted her wife. Paige sighed. "Look, Em. It's not that I don't want to have kids. I do. I really do. I've always wanted kids. Like, even when I was repressing my sexuality, having kids was one of my goals. And it wasn't just because that was what my vision of the family I was supposed to have looked like. I genuinely wanted kids."

"You'd be great with kids," Emily assured her, with a shrug of her left shoulder.

"But it's just… it's such an awesome responsibility, you know? I mean, it changes everything. It'll change the way that we relate to each other, it'll change our spending patterns, our traveling patterns… it's going to change… well, yeah. Everything."

Emily nodded her head and thought about what Paige was saying. She recognized this behavior from Paige. Back when they were just friends, Paige was willing to risk kissing her out of the blue, but it took her a while to take the step of acknowledging that she was attracted to her. Paige was the one who first talked about moving in together, but it took her a while to come around to the idea of getting married. Paige wanted kids, but that didn't mean that she was ready to accept being a mom.

Paige's whole life was ruled by this ever-present fear looming just underneath the surface: Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of what other people would think.

They had faced down those fears in the past. They would have to face this one down, as well.

* * *

Paige stroked Emily's hair as they lay facing each other in bed. Her expression was serious and her voice was soft when she spoke. "I think I have daddy issues."

Paige and Emily didn't usually discuss serious matters in bed. Bedtime was time to relax and forget all of the day's problems. Anything weighty was usually resolved before they got to their bed; their oasis of calm.

"Okay," Emily said, giving Paige space to put her thoughts together. Her words could have come across as a joke – they were certainly out of the blue; but Emily could tell by the look on Paige's face that she was dead serious.

Paige reached for Emily's right hand, still stroking her cheek with her left hand. Emily complied, offering Paige her hand, and Paige clutched it close to her heart.

"I've been thinking a lot about things. Things that happened when I was growing up. Things that my Dad did to me that were just cold and cruel. And I'm having a hard time not resenting him. I mean, I don't hate him." Paige took a second to ponder. "I respect him – he's a very intelligent, very accomplished person. And I love him, I guess." Paige tightened her lips and her grip on Emily's hand. "But I can't really say that I like him."

Emily nodded. She wasn't sure quite what to say. "Do you want to talk to somebody about it? You and your dad?"

Paige shook her head slowly. "No." She rolled over on her back, with her hand behind her head. "That's not why I'm bringing this up. It's just… Well, now that we've been talking about starting our family…" Emily propped herself up on one elbow and rubbed Paige's stomach. "I don't want to be that kind of parent, Em."

"Paige," Emily said sincerely, "You're not going to be that kind of parent. I've seen you with kids."

"Well, my Dad was good with other people's kids, too. It was different, with kids he wasn't responsible for. I mean, I get why he wanted to hold his own child to a higher standard, but… Damn. Sometimes, I wanted that fun guy to be my parent."

"But don't you think that, because you know that – you know what it's like – you're not going to be that kind of parent?"

"God, I sure hope not, Em." Paige rolled over on her side, with her back to Emily. Emily moved closer and rubbed her back, kissing her occasionally. "Let's have lots of kids," Paige said weakly. "At least they'll have each other to play with. And you."

"And  _you_ ," Emily insisted. "Paige, you're so protective of me and so loving to me… I know you're not going to be distant from our kids."

Paige flipped over, facing Emily. "I'm  _protective_  of you," she said with a self-satisfied smile, secretly proud that Emily felt that way.

Emily sighed. "Yes, yes you are." Emily tapped her palm against Paige's chest. "But I'm not calling you Daddy!"

"Ooh, yeah! What are our kids going to call us? I mean, that can't call us both 'Mommy – ' that'd be confusing. What's the protocol on this?"

"You're asking me?" Emily giggled softly.

"Yeah. You know… You've been in the club longer than I have."

Emily raised an eyebrow. " _The club_."

"You know what I mean… You know how these things work. So, how does it work."

"Well, I've heard about a few things. Some women use 'Mom' for one and 'Mama' for the other "

"Eww – 'Mama?' No thanks!" Paige shook her head vigorously with a scowl. "I don't want anyone calling me Mama."

"Well, what would you like to be called?"

Paige's face lit up. "P-Sizzle!"

Emily sighed, bemused at Paige's ability to make any situation into a joke. "Paige, our kids are not going to call you P-Sizzle."

"P-Sizzle with the Snizzle for Rizzle!" Paige was doing her best suburban imitation of urban drawl and gang signs.

Emily groaned. "What  _Mom_ -type name do you like?" she said, not even believing that she would have to specify that.

"M-Sizzle?"

Emily rolled over and clutched the blanket. Paige was on a roll, now, and it meant that the reason for the late night conversation - her fear of being the kind of parent her father was - had been laid to rest. It was time for them to get some rest, too.

"I guess we could just leave it up to them, Em. You know. See what they end up calling us."

"They're going to call us whatever they hear us call each other," Emily said wearily, half checked-out of the conversation. "And I don't want our kids calling you 'Dork.'"

"Yeah, and I guess they shouldn't really call you 'Sexy.'"

Emily had to smile at that. She turned to Paige and gave her a kiss. "Get some sleep, Dork."

"Whatever you say, Sexy."

* * *

"Do you remember that time I burned you in the shower?" Marlene McCullers was looking down at her plate, unable to make eye contact with Paige or Emily. Emily recognized the way that Marlene dipped her head, and realized that she must have picked up the habit from her mother.

It had been six months since Paige and Emily had that late-night conversation about Paige's fears of parenting. Slowly, during that time, they had decided that it was time for them to start trying to start a family.

In a sense, adopting Joey had been the best thing that Paige could have done. Over time, having a dog made her realize that Emily could love Joey without loving her any less, and that, even though their lives changed in so many ways since she brought Joey home, she wouldn't trade his love for them or theirs for him for anything in the world. What she had done, intending to change Emily's heart, had, in the end, changed her own.

Once they made the decision that Paige would be the first to try to get pregnant, they drove out to Scranton to take Paige's parents to lunch and let them be the first to hear the news. The conversation had gone pretty well, up until they mentioned having a child. When Paige told them, Marlene seemed to withdraw a bit. Paige was surprised, thinking that her parents would be excited about being grandparents. Marlene brought up the incident in the shower in response to the confused and disappointed expression on Paige's face.

"Mom," Paige furrowed her brow and looked at Emily, as if Emily had any way of knowing what Marlene meant. "What are you talking about?"

"You stayed home from school, sick. You were in first grade, I think. And I gave you a shower, but I let the water get too hot, and I scalded your back." Marlene patted a napkin against her lips, looking somber. "I hoped it was one of those things you were too young to remember."

"Mom..." Paige leaned closer across the table. I do remember that day. I remember it very clearly. It was the first time you let me take a shower by myself, and I remember feeling so grown up and in control. And I remember thinking that I really loved hot baths, so, when I started the shower, I only turned the hot water on. And I remember feeling that burning water come down, and turning my back to it, to try to protect myself. I guess I must've screamed, even though I knew there wasn't anything you could do, because the bathroom door was locked. And, the next thing I knew, you had turned off the water and you were wiping me down with a towel. And I had learned my lesson, but it was a long time before I was allowed to take a shower by myself again."

"I should never have let you take a shower by yourself in the first place, Paige. You were too young."

Paige reached across the table and squeezed her mother's hand - something she never would have done before Emily. "Mom," she said gently, "you were the hero of that story, not the villain." Paige was suddenly overcome with emotion. "I can't believe you've been carrying around that guilt for all these years."

Marlene shrugged her shoulders weakly. "I just wanted to let you know that there was a reason that I was always a little bit... protective of you, Paige. I've heard it said that you don't know what fear is until you become a parent. Looking back on it now, I wish I had let you breathe some more; given you the freedom to be a kid, to fall down and make your own mistakes."

"You did your best, Mom," Paige said, letting go of her mother's hand, "and you did it because you love me. I understand that."

Marlene looked at Nick, still too overcome with emotion to response. "We're really happy for you, Kiddo," he assured her. "For both of you."

* * *

Pam and Wayne had an idea that something was up when they got the invitation to dinner at Paige and Emily's house. They knew that the girls had shared lunch with Nick and Marlene the night before, and Pam could think of only one reason for consecutive dinners with their parents. She was practically bursting with nervous energy all through dinner, waiting for the announcement that she hoped and assumed was coming.

When dinner was over, they moved to the living room and sat down. Paige and Emily were trying to keep things light and preserve some vestige of the element of surprise, but everyone knew what was going on. Pam and Wayne knew that an announcement was coming, and Paige and Emily knew that they knew.

"So," Emily said, a bit breathless from nerves, "Paige and I have decided..."

"Oh, Honey, we're so happy for you!" Pam Fields was hugging her daughter, speaking in a high-pitched squeal, before either of them realized what was happening.

"Mom! Can I make our announcement, first?" Emily laughed.

"Oh, sorry... sorry." Pam patted Emily's hair back into place and backed into her seat, reaching for the box of tissues that Emily had presciently placed on the coffee table. She pulled one out of the box and twisted the life out of it as she waited for Emily to share their news.

"Well, anyway," Emily said anticlimactically, "we've decided that it's time to start a family." She ended the sentence with a sarcastic, "Surprise," throwing her hands up as she said it.

In an instant replay of a few moments earlier, Pam collided with her, repeating her words in a high-pitched squeal.

When things calmed down, they discussed their plans, and the options that they were considering in the near term and the long term, including adoption. "We just feel that there are so many children who need a loving family," Paige explained. "And we've certainly got room in our hearts - and our home."

"So, you guys have decided to go ahead and put a down payment on Ashley Marin's old place?" Wayne asked.

"Yep," Paige announced happily. "We've got to stay close to the grandparents. You know, built-in babysitters!"

Pam had some very insightful questions and suggestions about the process of fertilization. She seemed very knowledgeable on the subject, which wasn't surprising, considering that she had been researching the subject ever since Emily informed her that the fact that she was a lesbian didn't mean that she wouldn't be a mother.

"So," Wayne said, addressing the elephant in the room, "What are your kids going to call you."

Emily sighed wearily and looked at Paige. Paige raised her hand. "Mum."

Emily mirrored the gesture. "Mom."

"That way, we can still be 'Mummy' and 'Mommy' when they're little."

"'Mummy,'" Wayne said, with a gleam in his eye. "You mean like..." He stood up and put his arms out in front of him, stumbling around like the mummies in those 1940s-era horror movies.

Emily slapped his arms back down to his sides. She had seen that behavior from Paige one too many times. "Please, Dad," she begged, "don't get encourage her!"

Wayne and Paige shared a knowing wink.


	25. Epilogue: Singing and the Rain

It rained the day Paige's water broke, making the drive to Rosewood Medical Center that much more of a challenge. In the almost two years since their first attempt at fertilization, they had prepared (if not over-prepared) for that day. And yet, with all of the preparation, all of the classes, the shopping, and the dry-runs, they still found themselves scrambling and disoriented, trying to make it to the hospital on time.

There had been no need to rush, as it turned out. Paige spent the bulk of that rainy Wednesday in bed, hooked up to monitors, waiting for Ian Fields McCullers to make his debut. But when things started moving later that evening, they moved fast. Before long, Paige was holding a healthy baby boy in her hands and insisting that Emily take him to the window to give him his first glimpses of the beauty of the rain.

From a young age, it was apparent that Ian was the musician of the family. He didn't get that talent from Paige's genes. While Paige didn't share Emily's gift for singing, she sang with an unabashed enthusiasm – something that she definitely passed down to Ian. But it was more than just an enthusiasm for music. Ian was obsessed with music and all things musical. One of the tricks of the trade that Marguerite, Emily's vocal coach, had passed on to the band was that they should video their performances, and review them later, to see what clicked with the audience, what movements looked clumsy or forced, or where they could improve. The videos were inevitably low-quality, given that they were shot in venues that where the lighting wasn't set up with video in mind. Still, given a choice, Ian always opted for those videos over any of the infant and toddler videos that Paige and Emily had put in his extensive collection. It wasn't very long after he learned the word, "Mommy," that he eagerly pointed at Emily's image in the video and shouted, "Mommy! Mommy!" over and over.

Emily had a keyboard that she used for her vocal exercises. She wasn't a pianist, but she could pick out a few notes and play scales. Ian loved sitting in Paige's lap and smashing his hands against the keys, reveling in the fact that he was creating sound. One time, Paige, fighting a headache and desperate to calm him down, plunked out a two-fingered version of "Happy Birthday." Ian was mesmerized, staring at her face with his mouth wide open, amazed that she could control the noisemaking beast with such finesse. After that experience, the piano became Paige's go-to way to calm him down whenever he was overwhelmed or upset. Little by little, Paige learned how to pick out simple melodies, and she started pressing his fingers down on the keys, letting him be the one who was playing the tunes. As soon as he was old enough to sit still for a reasonable amount of time, they started him on lessons.

It was a special treat for Ian to be able to sit in the audience when Emily's band was playing at a venue that didn't limit its audience to people 21 years old or older. When he was really young, his mother used to introduce him as a special guest musician and bring him up on stage. As he got older, he was less willing to play along.

* * *

Ian, at two and a half years old, was the first to hear the news that his mom was expecting. He was going to be a big brother. Charlotte grew to be a fearless child; a risk-taker from the start. Ian never really needed all of the childproofing and the gates that Paige and Emily had put up around the house, but, when Charlotte came along, they got their money's worth out of all of them. And yet, somehow, Charlotte always landed on her feet. For all of her daredevil leaping and diving, she had her mother's finesse and grace of movement. And, like both of her moms, she loved the water. She developed into a fearsome combination of both of them in the water: powerful and aggressive like Paige, and naturally graceful like Emily. But it wasn't just in swimming; Charlotte was a natural in every sport. Paige took credit for that, proudly reminding Emily that she was the one who spent hours playing various sports with Charlotte. Emily was willing to admit that Charlotte got her competitive, take-no-prisoners attitude from Paige, but she wan't ready to concede the point of Charlotte's athletic IQ.

Ian was not lacking in physical talent himself. This came as no surprise, given his genetic heritage and the active, competitive parents who raised him. He was usually the first person chosen in gym class when the captains were picking their teams - that is, if the coaches hadn't named him as one of the captains. But athletics never captured his heart the way that music did. It was something that he had to put up with in school. At home, he always retreated to the comfort of music.

Similarly, Charlotte was not without musical ability. She had a voice as sweet as her mother's, and she had the weird ability to pick up just about any instrument and figure out how to play it. But music wasn't something that she was interested in. Usually, the only time she put her musical ability to use was when Ian needed a background vocalis or an instrumentalist for a song that he wrote. In those instances, it wasn't about making music; it was about spending time with the older brother whom she had always looked up to.

* * *

Although Paige and Emily had both envisioned a larger family, life threw them a curve ball. They didn't waste time being disappointed over that; but, instead, they celebrated the family they had been given and mad the most of every opportunity. And it wasn't as if there home was ever empty. Squirty was the first to come along; a rescue dog that they adopted to keep Joey company. Ian chose his name, based on the dog's behavior before she was housebroken. The Fields-McCullers household also boasted a collection of hamsters, hermit crabs, and other small domestics that came and went, including the occasional bullfrog the kids tracked down in the back yard.

As the years passed, members of Emily's band also came and went, as changes in their families, jobs, or just their goals moved them in different directions. It was always hard to see them go, but the band – and the friendships that they had forged – survived. They never made it big, but that had never been the point. Emily was content to play with them on the weekends and still have the time to be a mom during the rest of the week. She realized that she was truly blessed to be able to do what she loved, rather than having to learn to love the thing that she was forced to do to make a living.

* * *

Ian went to Temple University as a music major, adding a minor in business at his moms' insistence.

Rosewood High's swim team became a regional powerhouse again, and was a fixture at the state championships. Paige's swimmers became some of the most highly recruited in the northeast region. Paige had the privilege - and the challenge - of watching Charlotte progress through the program. She had to exercise restraint and trust Charlotte's coaches to guide her, striking a balance between motherly advice and parental meddling. No one was surprised when Stanford came calling, but Charlotte was hesitant. It was a great opportunity for her to pursue her passion, but she wasn't sure that she was ready to move so far from family. She and Ian had always been close. Truth be told, part of the reason that Ian chose Temple was that he didn't want to leave his little sister by herself.

Ian came home the weekend after Charlotte's recruiting trip to Stanford and took her out to lunch. They talked about everything, the way they always did. It felt good to laugh with him, as she used to in the good old days, but she knew where the conversation was leading.

* * *

Ian tapped his index finger against Charlotte's hand, and gestured with his chin towards the windows behind her. She turned her head to look and saw that it had started raining.

"You know what Mum's doing right now," he said as a statement.

Charlotte smiled knowingly. "And Mom's right behind her, with her head on her shoulder."

Ian shifted in his seat and folded his hands in front of him, hunching over the table to be closer to his sister. "You know what Mum always says about the rain."

"Yeah," Charlotte said with a bemused look. "New beginnings. New roads. Facing up to something that you really want but are just too afraid to go after." She had heard the speech so often that she could almost recite it verbatim.

"Yeah," Ian said, half-smiling at his coffee cup. "That's what she told me before my first recital, when I begged her to not to make me go out in front of all of those people." He took a sip from the cup and added, "I'm really glad that she talked me into it."

Charlotte nodded. "And I'm glad she talked me out of quitting before my first football game."

Ian laughed. "The time you separated that guy's shoulder."

"Hey," Charlotte said, mock-defensively. "Punters aren't just in there to kick the ball! Sometimes, they're the last line of defense between the kick-returner and the end zone!"

"And I suppose there was nothing personal behind the hit you laid on him?"

Charlotte shrugged, dipping her head to stare at her coffee cup. So what if the other team had made taunting remarks about a girl playing football with the guys? It was a clean hit, and she didn't regret it.

"As I recall," Ian added, "that was also your  _last_  football game."

"Yeah, but that was my decision."

It was true. Paige and Emily sat Charlotte down after the game and talked with her. They told her that they were proud of her performance, but they were concerned about the full-out way she played the game. They knew that swimming was her first love, and they didn't want her to do anything that might jeopardize that. Emily, after all, had had to give up swimming after a shoulder injury. Paige reminded Charlotte that she could just have easily been the one who left the game with a separated shoulder after that tackle.

"And this is your decision, too," Ian said softly. "No matter what they want, you know they're going to support you, whatever you decide to do."

Charlotte took a deep breath. She lifted her cup to her lips with both hands, smirking after she took a long sip. "So," she said sarcastically, "do you think it's a sign – the fact that it's raining, now?"

Ian tilted his head onto his shoulder. "Well, I don't know about  _that,_ " he said, smiling. "But you know what Mum would say."

Charlotte nodded. She stood and gave her brother a hug. She couldn't wait to get home and let her parents know: She was going to Stanford.

* * *

Paige stood at the glass doors that led out to the deck behind their house, watching the rain come down and thinking about things. All in all, she'd had a great life.  _They_  had had a great life; she and Emily. She included Ian and Charlotte in that group as well.

Ian's music had taken him all over the country – and even to other parts of the world, on occasion. Charlotte had excelled at Stanford and gone pro afterwards. But it wasn't their children's success that Paige and Emily were proudest of. They were proud that they raised them to live their dreams, rather than their fears, and to make the most of their opportunities.

Emily's head was resting on Paige's shoulder as she hugged her from behind. Paige felt the movement of Emily's chin as she started to speak. "Well, go ahead," she prompted. "Say it."

Paige dipped her head, slightly embarrassed at how predictable she had become. "I love the rain," she whispered obligingly.

Emily kissed her neck softly. "I know you do." Paige turned around and wrapped her arms around Emily's waist, rocking her back and forth a bit. "So," Emily said with a twinkle in her eye, "what do you want to do on this rainy day?"

Paige took a deep breath. "Mmmm…. Remember that rainy Saturday, almost 30 years ago, when you asked me that same question?"

"August 26th," Emily replied. "How could I ever forget that day?" Paige wiggled her eyebrows and bit her lip. "So, that's what you want to do?" Emily rubbed Paige's arms slowly and sensually, lowering her voice to a deep, seductive growl. "You want to watch Casablanca with me?"

"No," Paige said, rolling her eyes at Emily's teasing. "After that."

"Wonder Woman?"

Paige shook her head. "After that," she said condescendingly.

"You want me to ask you to marry me?" Emily didn't know how much more of this teasing Paige would put up with. She was about to find out.

Paige gave Emily a searing kiss. "You know what I mean," she said, her voice an octave or so deeper than normal, and with a bit of urgency behind it. Without any warning, she picked Emily off the ground and carried her in her arms towards the bedroom.

Emily was freaking out, slapping Paige's shoulder as she begged her to put her down. "You're going to drop me! You're going to throw out your back!"

But Paige was undeterred. It had been too much for her - the rain and all the memories that it had brought with it. Emily stopped protesting as she felt the powerful arms underneath her. She knew that she could trust Paige to keep them safe. She giggled like a schoolgirl and kicked up her heels in anticipation when she felt herself falling onto the mattress, with Paige not far behind her. When Paige landed on top of her, Emily took a moment to revel in the soft kisses and caresses before she turned Paige over on her back and sat up, straddling her. "Hey," she said sternly. "I have to tell you something."

Paige sat up on her elbows, looking deep into Emily's eyes, comforted by the half-smile beneath them.

Emily leaned forward and gave Paige a long, passionate kiss. "I love the rain, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got this question from a reviewer on the other site: "Was the idea of rain bringing a new beginning conceived from the start or was it organically developed? I was wondering if your story changed because you were writing daily and getting the feedback from reader or was most of the story written from the start?" 
> 
> The rain was an unexpected element. I originally put it in to keep Paige and Emily trapped in the cabin for the weekend, forcing the issue between them. Paige's love for the rain started out as a joke, but then I realized that it represented so much more than their passionate weekend to her; it represented putting her fears behind her and pressing on, and also trusting fate's guidance (in the form of the timing of the rain - starting and ending so that they couldn't escape the cabin - or the elephant in the room) when she was unsure.
> 
> (Had I known at the outset that rain would've played such a role, I probably would've incorporated it in the title...)
> 
> And yes, my story changed direction at a couple of points because of readers' feedback. That, to me, is the best part of writing multi-chapters - hearing readers' theories about what's going on in the story, or fixing the errors and omissions that they point out. I like to sketch out the story in my head before I start writing - at least to the point where they get together - and I like to stay a couple of chapters ahead in writing it (in case I don't have time to write on a given day), but I've found that, if I get more than one or two chapters ahead, it's hard to react to the prompts that the readers send me.  
> \---------  
> Thank you so much for sticking with this story. And, of course, I owe special thanks to those of you who took the time to leave a review on every chapter. You don't know how much that means tome.
> 
> But the biggest thank-you goes to thecatfromaliceinwonderland, who provided the prompt that got me writing again. I only hope she wasn't too disappointed by the direction I took with it.
> 
> My goal is to begin and end a story with the beginning and the ending of the month, but I just couldn't make it... I think I'm better off sticking to one-shots from here on out... :)
> 
> Thanks again! I honestly love you all. 3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for giving this one a shot.
> 
> This story is based on a prompt by thecatfromaliceinwonderland which I really hope I can do justice.


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